Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The littlest crystal meth addict

Bristol Palin, the 18-year-old daughter of former Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, gave birth on Saturday to a healthy 7 lb., 7 oz., baby boy in Palmer, Alaska. The baby's name is Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston and he was born at 5:30 a.m.
- People

Tripp? Actually, I suppose that's semi normal for this clan.

Of course, the poor kid doesn't stand a chance. His grandmother on his mom's side is VP Annie Oakley. His grandmother on his daddy's side recently got busted for selling Oxycontin, Rush Limbaugh's drug of choice (deliciously also known as hillbilly heroin).

Let's start the countdown to the little guy being seized by child welfare.

Another great Bush legacy

EL PASO -- A U.S. Army War College report warns an economic crisis in the United States could lead to massive civil unrest and the need to call on the military to restore order.

Retired Army Lt. Col. Nathan Freir wrote the report "Known Unknowns: Unconventional Strategic Shocks in Defense Strategy Development," which the Army think tank in Carlisle, Pa., recently released.

"Widespread civil violence inside the United States would force the defense establishment to reorient priorities ... to defend basic domestic order and human security," the report said, in case of "unforeseen economic collapse," "pervasive public health emergencies," and "catastrophic natural and human disasters," among other possible crises.

Martial law in the U.S.? Sure, why not, they've already nationalized the banks and the auto industry.

Who knew the change George W. Bush promised when he took power in 2000 was to turn us into a banana republic.

I love this stuff

I don't know why someone doesn't do a web site with old commercials and theme songs and network logos, but here's a clip from a WABC, Ch. 7 newscast of THIRTY years ago - and apparently they were having a Wall Street meltdown then. (Check out the Colt 45 commercial - General Motors is about to go bankrupt, but Colt 45 still goes on).

Monday, December 29, 2008

Wow, and I thought I could be obsessive

For your bemusement, a somewhat bizarre, (but, I think, tongue-in-cheek) blog, written by a woman who daily catalogues and critiques every tie NBC anchor Bran Williams wears.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Random issues #27D

I just spent way too much time trying to perfectly synchronize the cable box on the bedroom TV with the alarm clock. There was something like a 15 second lag, so the box would change to 2:35 and for 15 lonnnng seconds the alarm clock would still be on 2:34. It was driving me crazy. Sigh.

The internet has ruined my attention span. There are three pretty good free weekly newspapers in New York that I like - The Village Voice, The New York Observer, New York Press (the Observer actually costs a buck or something, but if you get on their media list it's free and it's a great paper.)

I used to plow through them each week, and by Thursday I would be sad that I had to wait another week to read them. Now, ehh, not so much. I have them piled up going back a few months. But since I can't throw out papers or magazines until I read them, I'm currently in the middle of the Voice dated Oct. 29(!), and, for some bizarre reason, wasted five minutes of my life reading an article about election fever among the Bangladeshi community in Brooklyn voting for their local reps. An election that was in November, in a community I have nothing to do with. But it was interesting, so, you know.

(That God I don't even bother with the East Side Resident, AM New York, NY Metro-type freebies).

I can drink Bailey's Irish Cream and enjoy it, even though it's basically liquid chocolate, but a wine that tastes a little too sweet makes me gag.


That is a dog having a blast. And that is a lot of snow.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Zooey Deschanel can always warm you up

What a dipshit

On Fox News Sunday, Dick Cheney was asked to name the highest moment of the Bush-Cheney administration. His answer:

CHENEY: Hmmm. Highest moment in the last eight years? Well, I think the most important, the most compelling, was 9/11 itself, and what that entailed, what we had to deal with. The way in which that changed the nation, and set the agenda for what we had to deal with as an administration.

He's asked to name the highest moment, which, by any normal human being's definition, means the best, and the first thing he comes up with is 9/11?

What a sad, sick little man. The sooner this piece of shit returns to Wyoming or Texas or wherever he is going to spend his remaining days on earth shooting animals for fun, and just basically being a total fuckhead, the better for the rest of us.

Unfortunately, he and his "boss" have done so much damage over the last eight years, the rest of us are going to have to spend the rest of our lives trying to recover from their debacle of an administration.

It really IS the Second City

I get WGN (hi-def, thank you) out of Chicago on my TV lineup these days, so flipping around the channels, I just came across "I Dream of Jeannie" on the station. And looking at the guide, I see "The Bob Newhart Show" coming up.

It's not even TV Land.

But to add insult to injury, neither was actually in HD. What the hell?

Friday, December 19, 2008

No Big Sky Country today

File in the "What are they thinking?" department

If you are a connoisseur of late night television commercials, as, sadly, I am, you have no doubt seen the ad for something called the Shamwow, some sort of product that you buy for 20 bucks and it replaces all those paper towels you have to purchase throughout the year. I guess this was an untapped market. Anyhoo, it is pitched by one of those annoying, fast-talking, shouting-just-a-bit-too-loud spokespeople. And every time I see this damn thing, I always wonder why one of their selling points is - and this is pretty close to verbatim - "It's made by the Germans, and you know they make good products."

I always want to shout back: "Oh yeah, those gas ovens they made that killed six million innocent people worked very efficiently."

But, alas, I don't.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


You would think that a store full of teenage girls squealing and trying on every damn scent in the place would be charming, but when you just want to run in to Bath & Body Works to pick up a quick little gift - it's really not.

Shocking weather development

Snow on the Vegas strip?

I'm not sure how reliable this report is, may have to head out there to confirm firsthand.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Because she just doesn't have enough money

Oprah Winfrey’s Harpo Films and HBO have inked a multiyear deal to develop and produce scripted programming for the pay cable network.

Potential projects include series, miniseries, movies and documentaries, though executives declined to comment on any current projects.
- B&C

Get ready for a series about a ruthless mob family that constantly falls off their diet.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Big Sky Country...

...well at least from the southwest view from my Batcave high above the streets of Gotham.


Ok, I'm going to bed at 3:10 am. I have a 9 am phone call - which is KILLING me! Do I watch the season finale of "Dexter," which I DVRd and really want to see now, or do I save it for tomorrow? Sigh.

Four things from "House of Saddam" on HBO

The BBC makes really good programs. (But I already knew that.)

Saddam was apparently married to Suzanne Pleshette. (That I didn't know.)

Saddam's youngest daughter wasn't too bad looking.

If you are Saddam's son-in-law/commander of his army and desert the country and flee to Jordan, do not, repeat DO NOT return to Iraq just because you get a phone call from Saddam saying all is forgiven.

Friday, December 12, 2008

There's a shocker

Tara Reid is in rehab, her rep tells PEOPLE exclusively.

"Tara Reid has checked herself into Promises Treatment Center. We appreciate your respect to her and her family's privacy at this time," the actress's rep Jack Ketsoyan tells PEOPLE.

Who could have saw that coming?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

When he's right, he's right

"I'm just a simple president."
- George W. Bush

Close enough

It's pretty funny hearing the blatant lies people tell on their cell phones about where exactly in the city they are.

Tuesday night, I was coming home from a lovely dinner at Les Halles and got off the subway at 86th Street. Between there and my apartment, in the span of no more than a minute, I heard one guy on his phone walking up 3rd saying, "I'm in a cab heading to Penn," just as he was about to go into Uptown. Not 20 seconds later, at about 89th Street, another guy is on his phone saying "I'm on 73rd, almost home."

You know, once GPS starts getting used by suspicious significant others, there may be some 'splaining to do.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Not that there's anything wrong with it...

So I'm flipping around my 2,000 channels Sunday night and come across Angie Harmon in a movie, and I stop, because, you know, it's Angie Harmon.

And it's a TV movie about a woman who was secretly being videotaped in her house by a pervy next door neighbor who had installed cameras - in the bedroom, in the bathroom. Ugh. And it's based on a true story, no less! The case led to voyeur laws being changed, blah blah.

It's on the Lifetime Movie Network (HD, thank you) where all the made-for-TV movies from Lifetime evidently show up in one long 24-hour feed. (I'd never even heard of this channel before, but apparently I have it.)

Well, I look at the TV Guide for the channel - it's wall-to-wall women in distress: women being abused by their husbands, being stalked by their exes, high school girls being raped by their jock boyfriends, pretty workers being sexually harassed by their male bosses. And Angie being spied on by her sick neighbor.

You know what - men are pretty disgusting.

I would so be a lesbian.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

The cell phone plot point

Did you ever notice how in horror/thriller/mystery movies they now have to come up with some silly excuse as to why the cell phones aren't working. I guess this wasn't an issue in films before cells became ubiquitous, but now, whenever the bad guy is about to strike, they have to explain that they are not getting a signal (so much for that nationwide service Verizon is always bragging about), or, more likely, their battery is dead. (A lot of these dufuses apparently never charge their phone before heading out.)

I saw two movies this weekend - Vacancy and The Strangers - and in both cases, yep, the cells wouldn't work.

The people in them are really stupid too. In The Strangers, some, er, strangers, are trying to break into a couple's secluded vacation cabin. The woman tries to call 9-1-1, and, of course, dead battery.

But she is in the house, she even brings out the charger and plugs it in. Now, I may be wrong, but I think once you plug in a cell phone, even if the battery is dead, you can start using it when it's hooked up to a current. Not this one.

Come to think of it, they always seem to make the woman the rather stupid partner in these films. In Vacancy - the better movie of the two - a couple is running away from, er, yet more strangers who are - what else - trying to kill them in a secluded motel room. As they are running, she drops their damn phone. But it's okay, it wasn't getting a signal anyway. Sigh.

Oh well, at least it was the yummy Kate Beckinsale so I forgave her.

Thanks, Bill Paley *

Can you believe there was a time when performances and a group of artists like this were regularly on TV? (It looks like it was the early 1950s). Today, lucky us, we get Justin Timberlake and J-Lo.

What a sad, self-destructive life Billie Holiday had, but, damn, she was good. (And, not to brag, but I've been in that studio.)

* for CBS and Columbia Records

Friday, December 05, 2008

Do they still make Dr. Pepper?

Not to mention 60-second commercials.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Burn this

Remember the good old days when you bought a computer and it actually came with recovery discs? I had to buy two computers this year, a new desktop and a laptop, both H-Ps, and both made me burn my own recovery discs.

I was moving some stuff around in my desk this afternoon and came across the 14 discs that I had to make for them, and, of course, started fuming.

Just another way they chip away at our souls every day.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

I'm guessing the message is don't swing the kid when you're drunk

Australia's PSAs are more, um, interesting than ours.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Order 10, get free shipping

They just found new Nixon tapes. These things are like Dylan bootlegs. Why do they keep finding them? Shouldn't they all be out by now?

Nixon's '68 tapes are the most controversial. It's when he went electric.

Meg is hot

Ironically, Mila Kunis, who does the voice of schlumpy Meg Griffin on "Family Guy," is blazing hot. And it is hilarious to hear her speak in real life - apparently she doesn't change her voice at all when she does the character, unlike the show's creator Seth McFarlane, who voices Peter, Stewie, Brian, Quagmire, and no doubt a few other regular characters.

She's probably not too recognized in public - I guess she became semi-famous on "That 70s Show" which, I am proud to say, I never saw one episode in its entirety, but when she's out and about in public, just shopping or at a restaurant, and speaks, everyone who hears her must wonder why they think they know her.

There's a cool series of short clips up on Fancast with the people from Family Guy, taped at a behind-the-scenes seminar they did, and in this clip, she is telling how she got the role on FG. It's not a particularly great story, but it is fun to hear her talk.


I'm exhausted.

First, the long holiday weekend, and then, embarrassingly, I misheard someone when they noted Monday was Cyber Monday - I thought it was about Cyber Sex, so I spent most of the day, er, well, you know.

Exhausted, I tell you.

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