Helpful after-dinner drink hint

Three words: Bailey's Mint Chocolate.

May I just say: yum.

It's like a Cadbury's mint chocolate bar in liqueur form.

And you don't have to order dessert.

One more reason to hate that fat right-winger Drew Carey

Animals and TV shows - two of my favorite topics, melded together in this interesting list that just went up on Fancast.

They asked Beverly Kaskey, Senior Director of the Hollywood branch of the Humane Society of the United States, to name the five best and five worst TV shows (episode or series) for portraying and using animals.

I'll just list the five worst, so you know which ones to boycott. You can find the entire list, including the good guys, here.


Survivor: Killing animals or reveling in doing unspeakable things to dead animals became an unfortunate hallmark of certain Reality TV shows. In one infamous episode – and there were many - contestants were required to behead a rooster and stab to death a squealing pig. The frenzy ended with one contestant smearing blood on his face.

Fear Factor: Also became a repeat Reality TV offender with its gross-out challenges, involving the general debasement of animals and their body parts, and the frequent, sadistic killing of live insects.

Flipper: This was a series that did much to endear dolphins to mass audiences, revealing their remarkable intelligence and extraordinary personalities. But, sadly, it popularized dolphins in negative way, creating an increase in wild dolphin captures to meet the demands of marine parks and swim-with-programs.

Friends: "The One With The Ball" - In this classic example of irresponsible pet ownership, Rachel purchases a hairless "sphinx" cat, then tires of the ridicule, and instead of finding a good home for her unwanted pet, she takes to the streets trying to sell the cat to anyone who'll take him. This episode rounded out its disregard for animals with another character shooting a noisy bird because his early morning chirping annoys him!

The Drew Carey Show: In a 2001 episode, Drew's animal activist girlfriend is maliciously ridiculed for her concern for animals, sending an implicit message that animal-welfare is a joke and that animals just don't matter.

Is this wrong?

I suddenly heard a lot of fire truck sirens this afternoon so I looked out my window and saw a walk-up apartment building a few blocks away absolutely ablaze. Tons of fire companies there and that nasty black smoke pouring off the roof.

Sadly enough, my first thought was, "Oh, there are probably some poor dogs and cats in there right now, terrified, probably home alone, their masters at work. They are going to get killed."

Then, of course, I quickly went to: "That's horrible. I hope no-one was killed. At the very least, some folk are going to come home from work tonight and find their home destroyed."

My rationale is that the firemen were there taking care of the humans, while they tend to make pets the last of their thoughts.

And yes, I know, I know: of course they should make humans the priority...but still.

A few years ago, I was walking down a street and saw a blaze in a walk-up, and a firemen was on the fire escape on the 5th floor and sort of scooped up a dog from the window, basically threw him on an air conditioning unit poking out from the wall, and the poor thing sort of teetered there for a few seconds and then fell five floors. I couldn't look to see if it survived.

At least he tried to help the dog. But I'm sure he could have put the dog on the fire escape stairs just as easily. Sigh.

But I always love when you read those stories about some fireman or EMT who saves a pet by giving it mouth-mouth.

Intellectually, I know I should worry about humans more than animals - I have issues.

When did that memo go out?

How did every second girl I see on the streets of New York decide that the uniform de jour includes colorful tights with boots?

As a leg man, I don't mind this, but I'm just curious how these looks start and become so widespread?

It's like when you see a flock of birds in the sky suddenly turning on a dime in unison. It's fascinating.

Newspaper war

As a news junkie, I always enjoy a good newspaper war.

Unfortunately there are few cities left in the country that actually have more than one daily newspaper in their markets. New York, Boston, Chicago, Philly and the Twin Cities are probably about it these days.

Here in New York, The Post and Daily News love to take shots at each other, although the Times sort of floats above them, barely acknowledging the tabs. And Chicago has one of the better ones between The Tribune and The Sun-Times.

So when the Tribune's billionaire owner Sam Zell said he might sell naming rights to Wrigley Field, beloved home of the Tribune-owned Cubs, the Sun-Times saw a chance to tweak their bigger cross-town rival and held a contest seeking homemade music videos from readers blasting the plan.

The Tribune jumped at the opportunity to have some fun, had an intern enter the contest, and she ended up winning the Sun-Times prize. They even got a chance to take a dig at their boss, Zell, in the video. Pretty cute.

This infuriates me

I always wonder what some poor new mother in an inner city tenement or a hovel somewhere in the sticks thinks when she reads about celebrities having babies.

She probably has to go back to work at her shitty job at Wal-Mart three days after giving birth - worrying about being able to buy diapers or baby formula or health care for her kid - and then reads that Nicole Richie has just gotten a few million bucks for selling her baby's pictures.

They don't call 'em "bundles" for nothing. If you're a celebrity with a baby bump, what to expect when you're expecting is mega money - if you're lucky enough to sell their pictures.

We're headed into a bumper season of baby buggies. Halle Berry has welcomed daughter Nahla last Sunday, the day after Jennifer Lopez prepped month-old moppets Max and Emme for their first photo shoot.

While J.Lo's love don't cost a thing, the snaps of her duplicate darlings sure do. Estimates run from $4 million to $6 million for the cover shoot that hit People.com at 7 a.m. Thursday morning.
- NY Daily News

Six million dollars for J-Lo. Lovely.

These people are already obscenely wealthy, filthy rich, spoiled rotten - they are the last people who need extra money - and now they make a few million more for having a baby and selling its pictures to People or US Weekly.

Of course, it's in the same vein as when they go to award shows and pick up $50,000 goodie bags. Or go to events and casually browse in the "swag room" for their free Rolex watch and plasma TV and jewel encrusted Blackberry. Or that Paris Hilton gets paid up to a million dollars just for attending a party at a club, where she hangs in the VIP room guzzling free drinks for an hour then leaves.

These idiots get pampered everywhere they go, ushered to the best seats in restaurants, where their meal is often comped by the owner or even bought for them by some schlub making 50 grand a year who wants to say he bought Ryan Seacrest - who makes 100 grand a day - a drink.

What the hell is wrong with people's priorities?

Ha ha

NY Times Letters
"I Knew Gene Kelly. The President Is No Gene Kelly."

To the Editor:

Re “Soft Shoe in Hard Times” (column, March 16):

Surely it must have been a slip for Maureen Dowd to align the artistry of my late husband, Gene Kelly, with the president’s clumsy performances. To suggest that “George Bush has turned into Gene Kelly” represents not only an implausible transformation but a considerable slight. If Gene were in a grave, he would have turned over in it.

When Gene was compared to the grace and agility of Jack Dempsey, Wayne Gretzky and Willie Mays, he was delighted. But to be linked with a clunker — particularly one he would consider inept and demoralizing — would have sent him reeling.

Graduated with a degree in economics from Pitt, Gene was not only a gifted dancer, director and choreographer, he was also a most civilized man. He spoke multiple languages; wrote poetry; studied history; understood the projections of Adam Smith and John Maynard Keynes. He did the Sunday Times crossword in ink. Exceedingly articulate, Gene often conveyed more through movement than others manage with words.

Sadly, President Bush fails to communicate meaningfully with either. For George Bush to become Gene Kelly would require impossible leaps in creativity, erudition and humility.

Patricia Ward Kelly
Los Angeles, March 16, 2008

I've heard of not knowing your ass from your elbow, but this is ridiculous

"Woman Goes for Leg Operation, Gets New Anus Instead"

A German retiree is taking a hospital to court after she went in for a leg operation and got a new anus instead, the Daily Telegraph is reporting.

The woman woke up to find she had been mixed up with another patient suffering from incontinence who was to have surgery on her sphincter.

The clinic in Hochfranken, Bavaria, has since suspended the surgical team.

Now the woman is planning to sue the hospital. She still needs the leg operation and is searching for another hospital to do it.

You don't want to know what they did with the fried mozzerela sticks

With the recent Elliot Spitzer mess, New York had a bit of sexytime shame recently - but leave it to New Jersey to outsleaze us with even better gubernatorial shenanigans.

The previous gov. of course, was "gay American" Jim McGreevey, and now it turns out that he and his wife engaged in threesomes with an aide before he came out.

But the best part is they would start their "date nights" at TGI Fridays.

TGI Fridays!

I guess the Houlihan's was busy.

Spitzer was going to the swanky upscale Mayflower Hotel in DC for his playtime. And in the Garden State, McGreevey was at the home of the Jack Daniels-flavored chicken wings.

God bless Jersey - always good for a laugh.

Tina Fey is cute

I've never watched an episode of "30 Rock" but I'm going to have to start. Tina Fey is really cute.

I just saw this clip on fancast.com (which actually has full episodes of "30 Rock" and some other shows, very cool) and it's quite funny. She is calling a co-op board and trying to find out what has happened to her bid to buy an apartment, gets drunk during her repeated calls, and it's like a boyfriend has spurned her.

Pretty funny, especially if you have ever dealt with a New York co-op board.

Burp

Happy St. Pat's.

When I head out at Happy Hour today, it will actually be the healthiest thing I've done in a few days, as I spent the entire damn weekend on the Playstation as a WWII GI in "Resistance: Fall of Man."

I lost Europe a few times.

Important update!

No, not on Spitzer, the war, or the election.

According to UPS tracking, the Playstation left Maumee, OH at 1:13 this morning and arrived in Parsippanay, NJ at 1:11 this afternoon (12 hours to go from Ohio to Jersey? Are they taking it by freakin' covered wagon?)

Anyway, it will likely be sent out tonight to UPS's NYC distribution point, which, I believe, is in The Bronx, for delivery tomorrow.

Which means that if you have my phone number, lose it for a few days. I will be busy. Playing with myself. And video games too.

Hey-oooo, don't forget to tip your waitress.

$4,300 an hour?

That, of course, is Spitzer's call girl, "Kristen," whose real name is Ashely, which, if you think about it, is also the perfect call girl/stripper/porn star name. She really didn't have to change her name.

She's hot in that slutty sultry way, but not worth $4,300 an hour and the governorship of New York. The governorship of Delaware or Alabama, sure, but not New York.

Although at 22 and 105 pounds, she is the perfect girl age-weight combo, you've got to give her that.

Be prepared for all her childhood friends to be telling her story (actually, they have already started), selling pictures and videos to the tabloid newsmagazines, and "Kristen" herself to eventually do a big bucks sit-down interview. I hear "Extra" has already offered her one hundred grand, and she's got to pay the rent on that Chelsea apartment she now lives in, you know.

Although she is selling music for $1.96 on Amie Street, whatever the hell that is, so that will help.

By the way, her My Space page, from where I lifted these pictures, strangely has very few comments in it under her pics, so go to it if you're so inclined.

And of course, she's originally from - where else - the Jersey shore. Belmar, no less. I've probably seen her at Bar A.

Consumer tip #27B

For those of you into the HiDef world, a bit of advice if you're thinking of getting an HDMI cable.

Right now, I just have my cable box hooked up to the TV with component cables, but since I'm getting a Playstation, I figured I would get an HDMI cable to hook it up to the set. So I went to Best Buy and Circuit City to check out the prices.

Outrageous!

The cheapest I saw was $59.99 for a 6-foot cable at Best Buy - and that was their own in-house brand.

Monster Cable was even more ridiculously overpriced at $79.

So I went on the web, found an outfit in California that sells all sorts of HiDef equipment and got a 6-foot HDMI for $7.26. Even with the $7 UPS shipping charge on top, it's not even close (and no tax either).

And the dirty little secret with these cables - there's no difference in quality: store brand, Monster or this outfit. HDMI is delivering a digital signal to your set, zeroes and ones; it either works or it doesn't, there's no real drop-off in quality.

What a rip-off if you pay 60 bucks or more.

Ka-ching

Let me just gleefully note and gloat that a Sony Playstation 3 is winging its way to Chez JBK even as I type - and, even better, I got it for FREE! by cashing in some Amex Gold Card rewards points.

In addition to getting it for the best price known to man, I will also enjoy seeing not only video games but the envy on the face of a previously mentioned bud who can not stand the thought of me being able to order this thing. He's apparently not allowed to get one.

A Hi Def copy of the "Spiderman 3" movie on Blu-Ray comes with it to play on the built-in Blu Ray DVD player in the system. That's really not a film I would have chosen, but, oh well, did I mention it's free.

Speaking of movies, I was flipping around the channels last night and came across "Galaxy Quest." I'm not a Tim Allen fan, and I've seen this damn thing three times now - but I still have to watch it when I see it on cable, even though I have it on DVD and can watch it anytime I want. What's up with that?

Of course, now I will have to get a Blu-Ray edition - to watch on my free Sony Playstation 3.

Thank you.

Puzzle me this, Batman

Here's the thing I don't understand about the Spitzer case: why does a guy who is governor of a state pay for sex?

Never mind that this sort of thing is always eventually going to come out - especially when you've made your political bones fighting Wall Street shenanigans. You just know those big financial companies have private eyes trolling for dirt on all their enemies.

But when you think of guys who patronize hookers you think of some poor fat schlub with no social skills who can't get any any other way.

But the governor of New York? There must be drop dead gorgeous women throwing themselves at him every time he is at a function. What the hell was he thinking?

Such a bizarre world we live in.

Bon Jovi does it for me

John Denver karaoke sparks Thai killing spree

A gunman in Thailand shot-dead eight neighbours, including his brother-in-law, after tiring of their karaoke versions of popular songs, including John Denver’s Country Roads.

Weenus Chumkamnerd, 52, put his gun to the head of a respected female doctor and seven of her guests as they partied at her home in Songkhla Province, South Thailand.

"When I began shooting nobody pleaded for his life because they were all drunk," he said after his arrest.

He said he was so furious with their awful singing that he did not notice he had murdered his own brother-in-law.

"I warned these people about their noisy karaoke parties. I said if they carried on I would go down and shoot them. I had told them if I couldn’t talk sense into them I would come back and finish them off," he added.

Awww

Not that there's anything wrong with that

"Beef: It's Still What's for Dinner
by Senator Larry Craig

.....I want to assure Idahoans that I will continue to support Idaho beef producers, and I most certainly will continue eating U.S. beef."

Ugh

I feel nauseous. I just rode an elevator with a guy who was breathing so loud, it wasn't even funny. I don't know if he was a smoker, had asthma, or just a bad cold and was really congested, but when I hear someone breathe that loudly, I seriously want to vomit.

And with my previously noted aversion to having total strangers sit next to me at an empty bar stool, I guess it's safe to say I find much of my fellow man sort of disgusting.

Not that I'm a day at the beach myself, but at least I don't do things like that.

Thank you.

Quick, hit record

I hope the advertising people for Hillary and Barack have got their Tivos rolling today to capture the images from the White House. John MCain is heading there for a lunch with George W. Bush and to receive his endorsement now that McCain has wrapped up the GOP nomination.

In the upcoming general election, whoever the Democratic nominee turns out to be should tie McCain to ol' Mr. 20 percent popularity and hang Boy George around his neck like a giant incompetent albatross.

Bush will work his usual magic and drag McCain's tired old ass down - just like he's dragged down the U.S. economy, our standing in the world, and every failed business he ran before his daddy finally bought him the governorship of Texas and started him on his distinguished public career.

Oy gevalt

Peter Maer of CBS News Radio asked: "What's your advice to the average American who is hurting now, facing the prospect of $4-a-gallon gasoline, a lot of people facing ... "

"Wait, what did you just say?" the president interrupted. "You're predicting $4-a-gallon gasoline?"

Maer responded: "A number of analysts are predicting $4-a-gallon gasoline."

Bush's rejoinder: "Oh, yeah? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that."
- Seattle Times

Next, Bush expressed amazement that his polling numbers are hovering around 23 percent.

I want to learn about this epic time in history

I'm really not a fan of those big, romantic, historical costume dramas, but there is a movie out starring Scarlett Johansson AND Natalie Portman.

Grrrowwr.