And I'm stuck riding the 6 train

Well before it was publicly known he was seeing her, then-married New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani provided a police driver and city car for his mistress Judith Nathan, former senior city officials tell the Blotter on ABCNews.com.

"She used the PD as her personal taxi service," said one former city official who worked for Giuliani.
- ABC

Tell me again about the party of family values that impeached Bill Clinton for getting a bobjob.

He just never knew what Donna was going to do

"I had 24-hour security for the eight years that I was mayor. They followed me everyplace I went. It was because there were, you know, threats, threats that I don't generally talk about. Some have become public recently; most of them haven't."
- Rudy Giuliani, defending his billing of thousands of dollars of security costs to the city incurred when he was on booty calls with then-mistress Judi Nathan (below), while still married to second wife Donna Hanover (above).

Time warp

So I'm flipping around the channels at about 3 am last night in my insomniacal way and came across something on Universal HD called “Bloodhounds of Broadway.” I never heard of it and put up the description on the channel guide. It was from 1989 and starred a bizarrely matched cast, including Madonna, Matt Dillon and Randy Quaid.

I only lasted about 5 minutes before bailing out because it was god awful, but I was on it long enough to notice that Madonna looked like a little girl, Matt Dillon looked like he was in high school – and Randy Quaid looked EXACTLY the same as he does today. In fact, he looked exactly the same as he does in everything you've seen him in – exactly the same as in those National Lampoon Vacation movies (of which he was always the best part), exactly the same as the films where he's a villain.

This movie was made almost 20 years ago, and I don't know if he just looked prematurely old back then or if he looks weirdly young today, but it was strange to see.

He was also shocked that the Nazis were the bad guys in those WWII movies

This is perhaps the funniest right-wing reaction I saw to Wednesday night's CNN-You Tube debate. On the blog of conservative magazine National Review, an outraged emailer sputtered:

"I was absolutely disgusted with what I saw tonight from CNN. Thousands of people submitted questions for this debate; yet, the questions they chose only served to reinforce the stereotype that the average Republican voter is a confederate-flag-waving, gun-toting, bible-brandishing conspiracy theorist!"

Um...yeah?

Say again, CNN?

Like the political nerd I am, I watched the CNN-You Tube Republican debate Wednesday night.

Putting aside the general loony tune qualities of all the GOP candidates (the whole God, Guns and Gays wackiness) I have to ask about a pet peeve -- what the hell is up with CNN and its audio team?

Once again, portions of the sound were just not there. And it's not the first time I've seen this on CNN - on the last debate they sponsored, the same thing happened.

Now I realize when airing a live, on-location event things are not as controlled as they are in a studio, but these are big-time, national debates. They've been scheduled for months. I know lots of prep goes into them. So why does CNN have bad audio problems so frequently - mics not turned on when a candidate is speaking, or the sound cutting out on a hand mic with an audience member?

Say what you will about Fox, and I hate their politics, but they seem to do a better job producing these things.

Mr. law & order at work

Apparently when Rudy Giuliani was mayor, and beginning his affair with his then-mistress, now third wife, Judi Nathan, he billed city taxpayers for his booty calls out to visit her when she was in the Hamptons.


The Politico reports:

As New York mayor, Rudy Giuliani billed obscure city agencies for tens of thousands of dollars in security expenses amassed during the time when he was beginning an extramarital relationship with future wife Judith Nathan in the Hamptons, according to previously undisclosed government records.

The documents, obtained by Politico under New York’s Freedom of Information Law, show that the mayoral costs had nothing to do with the functions of the little-known city offices that defrayed his tabs, including agencies responsible for regulating loft apartments, aiding the disabled and providing lawyers for indigent defendants.

Lovely.

And you can bet a few of Rudi & Judi's romantic meals at Nick & Toni's were also stuck on us, listed as official mayoral meetings or some such nonsense.

In case you needed another reason

The Writers Guild of America Tuesday chastised Carson Daly for his plans to return to work on his NBC late-night show.

“We’re disappointed at Carson Daly’s decision to return to work. Mr. Daly is not a writer and not a member of the WGA, unlike other late-night hosts Jay Leno, David Letterman, Conan O’Brien, Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Kimmel, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, who have all resisted network pressure and honored our writers’ picket lines," the WGA said in a statement. "We’re especially appalled at Mr. Daly’s call for non-Guild writers to provide him with jokes. We hope he’ll change his mind and follow the lead of the other late-night hosts.”
- B&C

Not just painfully unfunny, but he's a corporate tool, a scab, a strike-breaker. What a guy.

Verizon comes through

A stroll around Central Park on a brisk sunny day, listening to Louis Armstrong on the Q (do you know, some people don't have phones with which you can listen to music!) and taking pictures like this shot of the reservoir with it too, all while conducting an email argument with my friend Corky.

Who needs the iPhone, even if it does become available on Verizon.

And they corrected their aforementioned New Every Two error and gave me a $20 credit for my trouble.

Mmmmm

I'm not 100 percent sure what this means, but I like the sound of it:

Verizon Wireless has stunned the wireless world by announcing that by sometime next year it will open its network to “any apps, any device.”

There is a lot of fine print, but the essence appears to be that Verizon will offer two flavors of service: its traditional bundle, which typically includes a subsidy for phone purchase and various other features, and “bring your own” device service, which will be open to any device that meets “minimum technical standards.” The company went on to say:

"While most Verizon Wireless customers prefer the convenience of full service, the company is listening through today’s announcement to a small but growing number of customers who want another choice without full service."

An iPhone on the Verizon network instead of craptacular AT&T? Could it be?

That reminds me, I have to call the bastards. I was checking my account online and my New Every Two thing, which I'm sure is supposed to kick in June of 2008, is listed as October. Something is amiss.

What the @&^$*?

I know conservative Republicans - and Southerners - are from a different world than I am, but, seriously, sometimes it's hard to believe they live in this country, in this century.

The Washington Post did a story over the weekend about how former Ark. governor Mike Huckabee is surprising many people with his strong campaign, and how he might give Mitt Romney a run for the money in the GOP's Iowa caucuses. The Post reports even his own campaign staff has been caught unprepared at his surge in the polls, noting:

His Iowa state director is in Costa Rica hunting snakes over the Thanksgiving weekend and will not return to the state until tomorrow.


What the fuck?

Hunting snakes?

Who are these people? And why do they have any power in this country at all?

Pet peeve #27

I'm begging the people who do the promos teasing the upcoming episode of a TV show - stop. Please stop.

They do one of two things that invariably pisses me off.

They will either show all the best moments of the program, the funniest jokes in a sit-com, the most shocking or suspenseful moments in a mystery, and basically spoil the best parts.

And, with a mystery/suspense program, they will frequently edit it so misleadingly that it seems to be the opposite of what actually happens.

Case in point, the Showtime program, Dexter, about the serial killer who is also a member of the Miami PD.

So I'm settling down to watch it last night, brandy in hand (I always like a nice glass of brandy when watching this show) and a promo runs as the episode begins.

And by the way, that's another annoying thing. I can see airing it at the end of an episode to tease next week, or even running one a day or so before it airs to remind you to watch. But just as the show begins? Ugh.

Well, the promo makes it look like Dexter has finally been caught, his hidden life and dark secret discovered. It shows FBI agents showing up at his door, demanding he come with them. You hear his voiceover saying, "This is it." You see him being escorted forlornly into the PD headquarters, with other cops looking suspiciously at him.

Of course, it turned out to be nothing of the sort. The FBI mistakenly thinks the serial killer they have been looking for is Sgt. Doakes, Dexter's arch-nemesis, who has always been suspicious of him. They were bringing Dexter in to do blood analysis (his job in the PD) on samples they found in Doakes' car (which were actually Dexter's).

Either way they play it, these promos are annoying. So stop it, Showtime. Ok? Thank you.

They're still not eating though

"Four-Years Later: Twins Found Caged Like Animals Now Thriving"

Animals vs. people – no contest!

Not to sound like any more of a misanthrope than usual, but I realized yet again how often I end up loathing my fellow human beings.

I was heading back to the city on Metro-North on Friday evening, after spending Thanksgiving in the 'burbs, and, of course, the train was incredibly busy. Some people even had to stand all the way back, but I get on board far enough up on the New Haven line that I got a seat. However, I had to sit in one of those that are by the car doors and that face each other - there's a bench with three seats across and then two facing them.

There was a guy on the three-seat bench sitting at the window, and a woman on the outside of the two-seat bench facing it, and I sat on the outside of the three seater, which was actually nice as I had plenty of leg room with nothing in front of me.

It turned out they were together and also with a couple that was sitting in the seats behind us and who had a toddler. Well, the guy at the window, I guess he was the kid's uncle or something, kept turning around to take pictures. I mean constantly. And he kept saying, “Caitlin, say cheese,” in a baby talk voice no less. Over and over and over again. Ugh.

And the kid was one of those annoying, antsy brats who kept squealing and jumping around and kicking the back of the seat (my seat, of course) and with no word from the parents to stop annoying the people in front of you, not to mention everyone in ear shot. Then the father started doing the A-B-C song with her - 50 times in a row! Then they went onto numbers. And to top it off, the kid had a cold and kept coughing all the way down to the city, and the parents made absolutely no effort to tell her to cover her mouth, so God only knows what disgusting childhood disease I contracted.

But I don't even blame the kid. She didn't know any better. I blame the annoying adults with her.

Hey, parents, here's a little tip: although you may find it absolutely adorable, the rest of us in a captive audience situation don't find you and your public interaction with your precious (at the top of your lungs) all that charming.

But then, to contrast with my fuming hatred for these people, a man got on at Westport with a dog, a huge German Shepherd. I'm not sure if the guy was blind, he didn't seem to be, but the pooch had one of those harnesses on, so I suppose it could have been a seeing eye dog.

Well, the dog sat down and just stared up at his master. Then after about 10 minutes, he lay down at his feet, closed his eyes and dozed off. No noise, no fussing around. Nothing but well-behaved quiet.

What a difference in manners between that beautiful dog and the brat sitting behind me with her annoying family.

Thank you, George Bush

The U.S. Military is demanding that thousands of wounded service personnel give back signing bonuses because they are unable to serve out their commitments.

Now men and women who have lost arms, legs, eyesight, hearing and can no longer serve are being ordered to pay some of that money back.
- KDKA

Real nice.

Oh yes, the Republicans are the ones who "support the troops."

Oy

"Donald Trump is back on NBC with The Celebrity Apprentice which debuts January 3 at 9p. This seventh version of The Apprentice will feature 14 celebrities competing in business-related challenges in New York City, but instead of hoping to make Donald Trump their boss, they will raise money for charity. Participating celebrities include Trace Adkins, Carol Alt, Stephen Baldwin, Nadia Comaneci, Tiffany Fallon, Jennie Finch, Nely Galan, Marilu Henner, Lennox Lewis, Piers Morgan, Omarosa, Tito Ortiz, Vincent Pastore and Gene Simmons. The show is produced by Mark Burnett Productions in association with Trump Productions LLC."
- Cynopsis


I believe this is the very definition of C-list celebrity. Seriously, I couldn't tell you who half of these "celebrities" are or why they're famous without Googling them.

Trace Adkins? Tiffany Fallon? Nely Galan? Huh?

Not to mention, any reality show is ruined when they bring celebrities into it. The game is dumbed down (have you ever seen "Celebrity Jeopardy"?) and when they're playing for charity instead of a regular person playing for a job or a jackpot - well, who gives a rat's ass.

"The Apprentice" was a decent enough show when it began a few seasons ago, and they've managed to spoil it.

I saw that one coming

Gasp. What a shocker. “The Bachelor” did not pick either of the two finalists Monday night!

You know, when I tell my friends a little known fact and they ask how I knew it, I like to occasionally brag and say, “I know many things.”

Which is true, of course. But I really did see this one coming.

And knowing how these shows work, I guarantee you, that bachelor is going to be back in an upcoming season. If you read the online bulletin boards, ABC realizes they have a gold mine with that guy. Now, I'm not suggesting there was something fishy with the decision, or that he was told to do that, but let's just say the network probably wasn't too disappointed with how it turned out.

My reality show guide, my bud Sarah, was genuinely shocked at the outcome though. She was convinced it was going to be the girl who made lasagna on one of the dates, as that's her specialty too. She really thought it was an omen, God bless her.

I had to calm her down, which wasn't easy after we had polished off an amusing little Cugee Creek shiraz, let me tell you.

I'd like to say after the show ended, the conversation then turned to the unrest in Pakistan or the subprime mortgage crisis, but, no, for some reason it turned to Lindsay Lohan and how she has thrown her career away with the partying and the clubbing, up to the point where she has been fired from movies or admonished by producers for not showing up to work.

Then I gave Sarah my lecture: I thought LL was on the path to becoming a really accomplished star, as she was a pretty decent actress compared to most of the young Hollywood set, but unless she turns her life around, it's all sort of on hold, and now she's more known for her tabloid antics.

She actually could have been the Ann Margret of today, and even looks like her a little. But AM always kept it together, as seen in this great clip from her first big hit, “Bye Bye Birdie,” filmed when she was the perfect girl age of 22.

I have absolutely no musical skills at all, so it always amazes me when I see elaborate numbers like this in Broadway shows or in Hollywood movies – how the hell do those dancers remember those steps? Especially toward the end when they're “competing” it's fascinating. Not to mention, AM wears those capris pretty well.

There are probably five federal laws being broken by just watching and laughing at this

I'm not sure who has more fun here...the girl dancing or the viewers - but I'm guessing the answer is probably the dog.

Moviendo las caderas

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“The falling leaves drift by the window...

...the Autumn leaves of red and gold.”

Of course, Chez jbk is high above the streets of the fabulous Upper East Side, so I don't actually see falling leaves drifting outside my windows.

But the leaves are finally starting to turn colors in Central Park. I should have brought my real camera instead of the Q, but here's a few pictures from a little post-brunch stroll yesterday afternoon.





And here's Nat Cole doing a great Johnny Mercer classic, “The Autumn Leaves,” which includes one of my favorite lyrics: “I see your lips, the summer kisses/the sunburned hands I used to hold.”

Let me tell you something, missy, ever since I worked for one of the big record labels and pillaged deep into the catalog, I realized they knew how to writes lyrics in those days - not like you kids today with your hip hop and your rap and your rock and roll.

Reason #27 not to shop at Wal-Mart

In addition to treating their employees like shit, predatory pricing, and driving small local stores out of business, apparently Wal-Mart does not have the brightest bulbs on staff.

GinBlog reports:

Some people that work here had a going away party the other day for a woman that is leaving.

One of the supervisors called a Walmart and ordered the cake. He told them to write: “Best wishes Suzanne” and underneath that write “We will miss you”. Here’s the cake that was delivered.

Living on a Prayer

One of my friends from New Jersey was bitching last night that the bridge and tunnel tolls into Manhattan are going to be raised, and probably the fares on the PATH too.

And Jon Bon Jovi is said to be considering a run for governor of the Garden State, which, you know, wouldn't be too embarrassing.

Jersey just can't catch a break.

But, damn, you've got to admire their big hair.

The chimp-in-chief strikes again

Small Town Overcome By Mysterious Ape Sightings

Correction of the day

GAUHATI, India (AP) - In a Nov. 13 story, The Associated Press incorrectly reported that Paris Hilton was praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India. Lori Berk, a publicist for Hilton, said she never made any comments about helping drunken elephants in India.
- AP

I don't know which is more bizarre. That there are such things as binge-drinking elephants, or that the AP would actually attribute concern about them to Paris Hilton.

The rich get richer

While it's hard to drum up too much sympathy for striking TV writers, who make maybe hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, drive BMWs and live in Malibu, it is worthwhile remembering that, even in a business where people are paid ridiculously high salaries, there is still a real divide between the well-off and the obscenely wealthy.

One of the points the writers are striking for is a higher share of the money the studios make from the sale and rental of DVDs.

As the LA Times notes:

When Tom Freston was fired from Viacom in 2006 he received $60 million in severance pay, more than all of the DVD residuals paid to WGA members that year.

Sure, they're not exactly striking teachers, nurses or bus drivers, but those DVDs are being sold because of the work the writers have turned out - not the work of the CEOs who get paid off in ridiculous golden parachutes and stock options by their buddies on the board of directors.

Whip Crack Away 2

No, it's not another clip from “Calamity Jane,” it's the feeling a guy gets when he's badgered into watching “The Bachelor” as I was yet again Monday night. I went to my bud Sarah's house for her specialty, lasagna – and may I say, yum on that – and then, of course, we had to watch the show over an amusing little Pinot Grigio. Or two.

As whipped as I felt, I got some solace when the show turned out to be the penultimate episode of the season. And, as all these reality programs do the week before the finale, they basically run a clip show, gathering all the losers live on stage in a studio while some of the most embarrassing moments from the season are shown.

Well, the camera would occasionally pan the live studio audience and – talk about an advertiser's wet dream – it must have been 99 percent female.

But there were a few sad sack guys sprinkled throughout.

At least I've never done that.

There really are some great looking girls on this show. Among the losers, I have new respect for Bettina, who has perhaps one of the most amazing bodies I've ever seen on television. Although she is a tad older than preferred. But God bless her and the way she looks in a bikini and in shorts.

Lazy and arrogant - what a combo

Republican presidential hopeful Fred Thompson will be endorsed by a leading anti-abortion group on Tuesday in a move that could bolster his support among conservatives.
- Reuters


Frederick of Hollywood has got a reputation for being lazy, but apparently he's not so lazy that he won't take control of your wombs, girls.

What a guy.

Shouldn't they all be honoring that damn strike?

I took a little stroll up to the Park this afternoon and passed three - no exaggeration, three - TV or movie productions on my way.

There was that "Sex and the City" movie that seems to have been filming forever. There was "Gossip Girl" - I was hoping to see that hot blonde girl, but alas, no such luck. And there was something called "Ghost Town," which I have no idea what it is.

One of them was filming a winter scene in front of one of those great Fifth Avenue apartment buildings and had covered the trees and bushes in white. It didn't really look too realistic in person, but I guess it will on camera.

I know some people get all excited at this Hollywood East stuff, but it gets annoying with these crews taking up much of the street when you're trying to pass. And, of course, the asshole PAs strut around like they're DiNiro.

Teenage Jewish lesbian? Yum

Since questions arose about the singer in the bus incident post – that scene actually wasn't my crosstown bus, you know – it was, of course Lesley Gore, everyone's favorite teenage Jewish lesbian singer of the pop bubblegum era.

Of course, at her peak (in the 1960s) they didn't go out of their way to tell America she was Jewish, and certainly not that she was gay.

Her first big hit came when she was only 16 with “It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To,” (she was still a junior at high school in Englewood when the song hit #1) and this video (“You Don't Own Me”) was when she was 17. And the song's concept was fairly radical for girls in those days, so good for her.

As regular Too Saucy readers know, I love the Jewish girls, and (like all guys) the lesbians. Well, throw in teengirldom and you've got a threefer with Lesley.

Also, it looks like you could land an airplane on that hair. (Of course, don't forget, she is from Jersey.)

Holy *&#^@#

"By almost all accounts, this Administration has done more to improve government effectiveness than any previous Administration, ever."
- Clay Johnson, Deputy Director of Management for the Office of Management and Budget and Chairman of the President's Council on Integrity and Efficiency
Time

What world are these people living in? I mean, seriously, what color is the sky in there?

Judge a person by his friends – and his endorsers

So Rudy Giuliani's camp is crowing about his endorsement today from right-wing Bible-thumping fucktard Pat Robertson.

I know the conventional wisdom is this will help Giuliani among the holy rollers who look suspiciously at the thrice married, cross-dressing former mayor of Sodom on the Hudson, who never made gay-bashing or abortion a big part of his plank – not that he ever could have if he wanted to be Mayor of NYC, of course.

And maybe it will help – but I also think it can seriously hurt Rudy among those moderate Republicans who were happy they finally had a candidate who didn't seem to question evolution and didn't want to lynch the gays.

But now he's in bed with Robertson, one of the sleaziest of the generally sleazy televangelist crowd.

And lest we forget, just a few days after 9/11, when the country was still reeling at the magnitude of the horror, Robertson and fellow scumbag Jerry Falwell (now roasting in Hell) blamed America – notably its general tolerance toward gays and abortion rights – as being the reason why the terror attack happened.

As the Washington Post reported on 9/14/01:

Television evangelists Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, two of the most prominent voices of the religious right, said liberal civil liberties groups, feminists, homosexuals and abortion rights supporters bear partial responsibility for Tuesday's terrorist attacks because their actions have turned God's anger against America.

"God continues to lift the curtain and allow the enemies of America to give us probably what we deserve," said Falwell, appearing yesterday on the Christian Broadcasting Network's "700 Club," hosted by Robertson.

"Jerry, that's my feeling," Robertson responded. "I think we've just seen the antechamber to terror. We haven't even begun to see what they can do to the major population."

Falwell said the American Civil Liberties Union has "got to take a lot of blame for this," again winning Robertson's agreement: "Well, yes."

What a guy. And Rudy's got him.

Just another typical MTA bus ride

I met my friend Sarah at the west side Rosa Mexicana by Lincoln Center on Tuesday. Not that we were going to the ballet or anything so cultural, but she works over in that neighborhood and I, of course, walk miles and miles and miles every day, especially through the Park, so it was a good happy hour meeting place, which turned into dinner.

Well, several pomegranate margs, some filete con hongos and Chilean sea bass later (starting off with the table-made guacamole of course), we stumbled back to the east side, and, for some cheap reason, decided to take the 66th Street crosstown bus, which was conveniently stopped a block or so away when we left the restaurant.

Big mistake.

The bus was cut off by a car at CPW, jammed on its brakes, some of the people who were standing went flying (I smell lawsuits) and that meant the driver called an ambulance and the cops. What a fucking production. But more annoyingly, we had to stay on the bus for about 30 minutes until the paperwork was done.

Sarah was ready to pop the emergency exit to get off and I had to talk her out of that. A tipsy girl arguing with cops never works out so well. Let's just say it was not a happy crew when the bus emerged on the east side about an hour after we set out.

Luckily some girl started a sing along as we went through the Park, and, as you can see, it all got happier. (You can even see Sarah's blonde head bopping along over the girl's right shoulder. Ok, she clearly has no rhythm, but, in her defense, she was still pretty drunk at that point.)

It's nights like this that makes those monthly MetroCards worth it.

Woof

All of New York is breathing a sigh of relief at the news that the tabloid-friendly Scores stripper has got her two little dogs back. They were dognapped a few days ago when she left them outside a restaurant.

First of all, the idiot should not have done that. It drives me crazy when I see dogs tied up outside a supermarket or restaurant while their owners go inside.

But I'm glad to see that Daisy Rojas got her pups, Charles and Darwin, returned.

The real news is that a stripper actually named her dogs Charles and Darwin. Oh well, bad dog parenting skills aside, at least she's probably not a Republican, as we know that party tends not to believe in evolution.

Economic doom

Citibank is going under, the sub-prime mortgage crisis is getting worse, and George W. Bush has ruined the U.S. economy - but this is how you know it's really bad.

Gisele Bündchen wants to get paid in Euros now instead of dollars.

And Giselle should be listened to.

Thank you.

Getting ready for the Marathon

Looking south and west sometime between drinks 1-3, it's happy hour high above the streets of the fabulous Upper East Side at Chez JBK.





And you should too.

Drink, eat, be merry.

Happy Friday

I know on Fridays many of you at the office like to work even harder than usual. So here's a fun little game of Curveball. It takes a few tries to get the hang of it.

At the game page, click Start Game and use your mouse's left button to get the green ball going, then your mouse moves the hand/paddle to cover the ball which starts coming back at you faster and on angles depending on where it hits the other walls.

I got up to level 4 and 9200 points. But I've just begun. Oh yes, mark my words.

UPDATE: Level 5 and 10,345 points. I have to stop now or I will never get to my annual Friday fish & chips and Guinness and Daily News break. Thank you.

Click to Play!

Alert the Humane Society

It's bad enough that Dick Cheney lied us into a debacle of a war and shot an old man in the face when they were out hunting defenseless animals - but he also likes to torture his dogs, as seen in this picture of his pups decked out in Halloween costumes. Because, you know, pets just loooove getting forced to wear costumes. They get it. They totally understand why they have to trip over stupid capes and wear silly hats.

Of course, leave it to Cheney to make the black dog a villain and the white dog a superhero.

Maybe that's why the Larouche table outside a Chase Manhattan branch on Park Avenue - not exactly a hotbed of radicalism - was getting approving smiles from passers by when they saw this sign today.

Bad monkey indeed.