Bread and circuses

When people complain about the dreck on television, they should also consider this:

Larry King tripled his audience by lobbing softball questions at a vacant-looking Paris Hilton in her first TV chat since her release from jail early Tuesday...Hilton's Wednesday night chat on "Larry King Live"-- her first since being sent to the slammer for about 23 days with only bologna sandwiches and a Bible to comfort her -- clocked about 3.2 million viewers.

There's a reason the networks air crap shows. They get ratings.

The American public will tune in in droves to watch a Paris Hilton interview or "Dancing With the Stars."

Sure, perhaps the nets could be a little more high-minded in their programming. But they won't be, not as long as the public rewards them by watching some of the garbage they serve up.

Sixth sign of the apocalypse?

LONDON (AP) -- The Spice Girls announced Thursday that they have agreed to reunite for 11 concerts around the world in December and January. They will be the group's first concerts since it broke up in 2001, and the first with all five original members since Geri ''Ginger Spice'' Halliwell quit to pursue a solo career in 1998.

Half of The Beatles are dead, but this group is reuniting.

What a douchebag

Time magazine alerts us to a revealing story about Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney. A story that's very telling about his "humanity."

The incident: dog excrement found on the roof and windows of the Romney station wagon. How it got there: Romney strapped a dog carrier — with the family dog Seamus, an Irish Setter, in it — to the roof of the family station wagon for a twelve hour drive from Boston to Ontario, which the family apparently completed, despite Seamus's rather visceral protest.

Massachusetts's animal cruelty laws specifically prohibit anyone from carrying an animal "in or upon a vehicle, or otherwise, in an unnecessarily cruel or inhuman manner or in a way and manner which might endanger the animal carried thereon." An officer for the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals responded to a description of the situation saying "it's definitely something I'd want to check out." The officer, Nadia Branca, declined to give a definitive opinion on whether Romney broke the law but did note that it's against state law to have a dog in an open bed of a pick-up truck, and "if the dog was being carried in a way that endangers it, that would be illegal." And while it appears that the statute of limitations has probably passed, Stacey Wolf, attorney and legislative director for the ASPCA, said "even if it turns out to not be against the law at the time, in the district, we'd hope that people would use common sense...Any manner of transporting a dog that places the animal in serious danger is something that we'd think is inappropriate...I can't speak to the accuracy of the case, but it raises concerns about the judgment used in this particular situation."

Ingrid Newkirk, president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, was less circumspect. PETA does not have a position on Romney's candidacy per se, but Newkirk called the incident "a lesson in cruelty that was ... wrong for [his children] to witness...Thinking of the wind, the weather, the speed, the vulnerability, the isolation on the roof, it is commonsense that any dog who's under extreme stress might show that stress by losing control of his bowels: that alone should have been sufficient indication that the dog was, basically, being tortured."

Mitt Romney strapped the family dog to the roof of his car for a 12-hour trip in the broiling summer heat?

Who the fuck does that to a dog?

For this alone, never mind his constant flip-flop pandering to the right-wing base now that he's running for the Republican nomination, Romney should be disqualified from being President.

When he was young, George W. Bush used to stick firecrackers up frog's asses and blow them up. Dick Cheney goes hunting, not for food to provide for his family, but just for the fun of killing defenseless tame quail.

What the hell is it about these Republicans and animal cruelty?

The hillbillies are fun to tweak

I have to admit to being somewhat evil sometimes (hey, maybe I'm a Republican?) but occasionally I like to go on other blogs and bust on the South.

And those Neil Young Southern men are so easy to rile up.

Poor them. Just because they come from the land of slavery and Jim Crow, Strom Thurmond and Jesse Helms, Trent Lott and Newt Gingrich, they get stuck with being thought of as backward racist yokels.

Come on, give them a break, people. Why, they haven't voted in a racist way in, um, months.

I blame Bush

We lost power for about 45 minutes today here on the Upper East Side. The lights went out about 3:45 and just came on again at about 4:30.

Chaos!

We really are just an incident away from civilization disintegrating into "The Hills Have Eyes." From my Fortress of Solitude high above the streets, all I heard was a cacophony of car horns blowing as all the traffic lights went out on the streets.

And it brought home how risky that damn Triple Play package is from Time Warner, as my land line phone service went out since it's powered by the cable company now. And, natch, my cell battery was down to only one bar (it's now feverishly charging!)

Just in case the blackout was going to carry on to the night, I got out my little battery powered radio and flashlight, the latter courtesy of my friend Jan Brady's mom, who, bizarrely but fortuitously, gave her two flashlights, one of which she let me borrow during the big East Coast blackout of '04.

I was also stealthily mapping my way to my favorite Irish pub on Second Ave., as they managed to somehow keep the beer cold last time, and I couldn't very well work without my computer or reliable phone service - but then the power came back and spoiled all the fun.

Now I have to get back to work.

So all I got was 45 minutes of no AC. Thanks for nothing, Con Ed.

She's like Schweitzer. An extremely hot Schweitzer.

Depicting what it's really like to become a high fashion model in New York, TLC will debut "A Model Life with Petra Nemcova" July 13 at 10p. The eight-week series shows Petra mentoring six young women from different parts of the world as they try to break into the competitive and harsh world of modeling and hope to gain a contract with the NEXT Modeling agency at the end of the series. 25/7 Productions in association with The Mottola Company produced the series for TLC.
-Cynopsis

Nemcova is the model who was caught in the middle of that deadly tsunami in 2004, miraculously managing to hang onto a tree for hours at a time, after her boyfriend/photographer was swept away and drowned.

Along with about 300,000 other people.

But, of course, in our celebrity-fixated culture, her "plight" became a huge story. Entire villages were washed away, but, hey, a model was distraught. (Granted, when a girl looks like her, we should be concerned.)

Meanwhile, after it was all over, Nemcova claimed she was going to re-evaluate her life and be more serious.

You know, mentoring aspiring models on a reality show isn't quite what I thought she had in mind.

And I get the feeling the new Paris "I've learned my lesson" Hilton will be just as serious following her jail experience.

Um, ewww

Country singer Lorrie Morgan remembers encouraging Fred Thompson to run for president when they were together. “I think he has a great chance of capturing the women’s vote. He’s majestic. He’s a soft, safe place to be and that could be Fred’s ticket. Women love a soft place to lay and a strong pair of hands to hold us,” she said.

- The Times (UK)

I think I speak for all, when I say: ugh.

Oy

President George W. Bush tours the control room at Browns Ferry Nuclear Plant Thursday, June 21, 2007, in Athens, Ala. White House photo by Chris Greenberg

Did anyone else get a sinking feeling in their stomach when they saw this picture?


All of a sudden Homer Simpson's antics in the nuclear plant control room don't seem so unrealistic.

AHA

(AP) -- Contrary to popular opinion, men are more likely to look at a female's face before other areas when looking at pictures of naked women, according to a study by Emory University researchers. And women will gaze at pictures of heterosexual sex longer than men, the study found.
- NY Times

I KNEW the gals were just pretending they didn't look at stuff like that.

The hell with you hillbillies

CANDIDATE BLOOMBERG MAY FACE ANTI-NEW YORK BIAS

He's from New York, an independent and Jewish. If New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg runs for the White House, he will face those three issues, any one of which could sink a presidential campaign, experts say.

New York City is more liberal and more ethnic than the United States as a whole, and though economic revival and sympathy after the September 11 attacks have softened America's view, people remain wary of the Big Apple.

"Certainly historically it has been a problem. Americans are at best ambivalent about New York," said Thomas Bender, a history professor at New York University.
-Reuters

If you goobers are lucky, a New Yorker will be the next president. Hell, even one of the Republicans, Rudy, would be somewhat acceptable to me. But he has no chance of getting the GOP nomination.

I'm really tired of the Southern yokels always crying that the rest of the country looks down on them and somehow is elitist - but you just know that the good ol' boys south of Mason-Dixon wouldn't vote for a candidate who is halfway moderate, or a woman or (gasp) a black guy.

And you know they won't vote for a Jew.

Meanwhile, I've never once heard a New Yorker say: "Well, I won't vote for him, he's Southern."

In fact, look at the last several decades of presidents, going back to Carter. Except perhaps for Bush Sr. (although he lived in Texas, he never really lost his WASPY Connecticut background) they have almost all been Southern - and California's Reagan played up to the Southern base with his coded racism.

No-one up here excludes a candidate because of where he's from, yet somehow those of us in civilized America are the elitists?

Puh-leeze.

Morning after pill

After being dragooned into an unplanned night out with some former co-workers last night, let me advise you that Pepsi Wild Cherry is pretty good for a morning-after, parched throat hangover.

And it tastes just like Dr. Pepper.

I knew I liked Mike

Party affiliation has always been a fleeting thing for Michael Bloomberg. When the billionaire and life-long Democrat ran as a Republican for mayor of New York City in 2001, his conversion had nothing to do with epiphany and everything to do with expediency (as the GOP candidate, he’d face an easier primary field and could spare himself the labyrinthine nominating process he'd face on the Democratic side). As mayor, he has been the quintessential air quotes Republican — supporting gay marriage, promoting radical measures to make the city greener and staying as far away from President Bush as he possibly could.
-Newsweek

As I presciently mentioned several weeks ago, I have always liked Mayor Mike Bloomberg, not just for the wonderful smoking ban he instituted in the bars, but for his general way of running this great city, much better than Rudy ever did, by the way.

And now he's finally left the GOP, the party he joined, as the Newsweek article notes, as an effective way to get the mayoral nomination.

The talk now is that his leaving the GOP is a sure sign he's going to run for President on a third party ticket in 2008.

I don't think so. Well, at least I hope not, because that could help siphon away anti right-wing votes from moderates in the Republican party, who will not be happy with their nominee (hint - it won't be Rudy.)



I just think Mike has had enough of being involved with the party of George W. Bush. And Iraq. And massive corruption. And Katrina. And incompetence. And gay-bashing. And anti-choice. And...well, you get the idea.

Did I ever mention, by the way, Bloomberg's daughter is pretty cute.

And, of course, she's a billionaire's daughter. If I could only hook up with her...well, talk about having a sugar mommy!

Which is really what I need.

Thank you.

Because it's not getting enough free publicity...

Apple dropped a press release this morning promising far better iPhone battery life than it touted when unveiling the phone back in January. On a single charge, the iPhone will now let you talk for a full eight hours (the earlier estimate was five hours); you've also got six hours of Internet time, seven hours of video playback, and 24 hours of music. Standby time, meanwhile, is now "more than 10 days."

In addition, the release also says that "the entire top surface of iPhone, including its stunning 3.5-inch display, has been upgraded from plastic to optical-quality glass to achieve a superior level of scratch resistance and optical clarity." Susceptibility to scratching has been a long worry with the iPhone -- maybe this takes care of it?
- Salon

Uhhh, I want one.

And they impeached Clinton for Monica??

I know Laura is not exactly Angelina Jolie, but seriously, does W. have to be so blatant about this sort of stuff?

Nothing suspicious about this at all

Almost 90 White House officials have maintained private e-mail accounts on the server of the Republican National Committee, including top advisers such as Karl Rove and former White House Chief of Staff Andrew H. Card, according to a House committee report released today. The disclosure means the practice is much more common than Bush administration officials have previously acknowledged, the report noted.
-Washington Post

I'm sure it was only done so as not to overload the government computers. Not to skirt the law requiring all White House emails to be preserved, or anything like that. Nah.

Where's Roger Lodge when you need him?

Last night I discovered my favorite Upper East Side restaurant is apparently quite the rendezvous point for blind dates.

I won't mention its name because last time I did there was an influx of strange people taking up all the seats at the bar where I like to sit by myself, relax, zone out, read the Daily News and have an amusing little red with my meal. Thank you.

I digress. Thursday night, there were THREE blind date couples meeting there.

I'm not exaggerating - three.

I saw them all do the awkward "handshake or tentative kiss, not quite sure if this is the right person" hello.

And, sadly, also, the look of quite visible disappointment in some eyes. I guess a few people weren't quite honest in how they described themselves, or else their picture was heavily Photoshopped.

Honestly, I wasn't eavesdropping. I like to go to this place alone and not talk to anyone, because I talk much of the day for a living, and read the newspaper from cover to cover. And the bartender is great with the buybacks (thanks, Jerry). But unable to avoid hearing some of these conversations, well, let me just say - oy gevalt.

Some of you guys seriously have no rap. It's amazing the human race propagates at all.

God bless them

"Universal Media Studios will produce the U.S English-language version of the Colombian telenovela Sin Tetas No Hay Paraiso/Without Breasts There Is No Paradise..."
- Cynopsis

Sometimes the TV people just get it right.

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey....

The federal judge presiding over the trial of I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby today ordered Vice President Cheney's former chief of staff to report to prison within weeks to begin serving a 30-month sentence for lying to federal investigators about his role in disclosing a covert CIA officer's identity to the media.

Of course, the law-and-order party is already putting pressure on George Bush to pardon "Scooter," the man who outed the covert identity of a CIA agent to punish her husband, who dared call into question the rationale for the Iraq war.

By the way, he should be sent to jail just for still using the nickname Scooter when he's not 8-years-old anymore.

Can someone put "Inherit the Wind" on their Netflix queue?

Wow. Just, wow.

That thing's GOT to violate some laws

"The federal appeals court in Richmond, Va., ruled yesterday that the president may not declare civilians in this country to be “enemy combatants” and have the military hold them indefinitely...The ruling came in the case of Ali al-Marri, a citizen of Qatar now in military custody in Charleston, S.C., who is the only person on the American mainland known to be held as an enemy combatant."
-NYT


You know, for that mullet alone, he should probably be in custody somewhere.

Something about that act really scares them

There's a really bizarre case that's been unfolding in Georgia over the last few years. A guy was sent to jail for 10 years (he's been in two years already) for having consensual oral sex with a 15-year-old girl when he was 17, and they - again consensually - taped it.

Basically, if you think about it, a high school senior and sophomore hooked up and the guy, Genarlow Wilson, got jailed for a decade.

The guy jailed is black, of course. In Georgia. Go figure.

A judge finally had enough today and ordered Wilson (who's now 21) to be released. The state quickly appealed so he remains in jail.

Not to go off on Scooter Libby again, but the right-wing conservative mentality is just puzzling. Outing the covert identity of a CIA agent to punish her husband who criticized the war - no biggie. Getting a bobjob from a girl - hey, 10 years in the clink!

And, of course, as noted many times, the Republicans also impeached Bill Clinton for his little oral adventures with Monica.

What is it about that act that terrifies them so much?

And, on a purely poetic note, the lawyer for Wilson is named B.J. Bernstein. You couldn't make that up.

Quick, someone change the locks on the country

TIRANA, Albania, June 10 — His poll numbers may be in the tank at home, but when he zipped through this tiny, relentlessly pro-American nation today, President Bush was received like a rock star.

You know, if they want to keep him...

Sunday morning annoyance #27

Why is it impossible to get just one coffee filter out of those packages they come in? Invariably, several will come out stuck together and you have to peel them apart.

One week, I didn't even notice it had happened and made a pot of coffee and wondered why it tasted so weak. When I was emptyng out the filter, I saw 3 or 4 of them had stuck together.

They must have went to the airline peanut packaging industry for help on designing those damn things.

George Bush's theme song courtesy of Rollins

Random Saturday items

I got a 12-page booklet in the mail today from the city of New York extolling the virtues of recycling. Twelve pages!

I have so many clothes I found a pair of pants in my closet this morning I didn't even realize I owned. And I like them.


I went out last night with $73 cash in my pocket. Today I have nine crumpled dollars. Apparently I had a good time.

That's some cold hard cash

"Representative William Jefferson, a Louisiana Democrat, pleaded not guilty today to federal charges that he solicited hundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes while trying to arrange business deals in Africa...investigators have said they found $90,000 in cash in a freezer during a raid on his home in Washington."

I think I have about $90,000 worth of Omaha steaks in my freezer.

Seriously though, I know their lawyers probably advise them they have to call a press conference and proclaim innocence, but when 90 grand is found in your freezer, isn't it better just to say nothing.

Hypocrisy in the GOP? I can't believe it

It's quite funny watching the right-wingers tie themselves in knots these days trying to explain why "Scooter" Libby should be pardoned by Boy George. Libby, of course, was convicted of obstruction of justice for lying to a grand jury about the outing of the identity of covert CIA agent Valerie Plame and was recently sentenced to 30 months jail time.

Back in the 90s, when that evil Bill Clinton was in the White House, the GOP, which couldn't defeat him at the ballot box in two elections, decided to impeach him for lying about his involvement with Monica Lewinsky.

That's still amazing when you think about it, by the way. The president, elected twice by the citizens of this country, was to be removed from office for not standing up and admitting he got a bobjob.

When sensible people, like, oh, you know, 70 percent of the public, said it was a ridiculous charge that never should have been brought, and certainly didn't warrant removal from the highest office in the land, the Republicans whined that the "rule of law" must be followed. It wasn't the sex, they said, it was the lying about it under oath.

(Good job it wasn't the sex, because, as we now know, half the GOP members on the judiciary committee, not to mention the always slimy Newt Gingrich, then the House Speaker, were having their own little flings on the side.)

I digress.

Anyway, now that it's one of their own, we are hearing the right-wingers saying poor Scooter shouldn't be sent to jail, he's a good honorable man.

Wow.

So let me see if I have it clear: lying about a bj is enough to throw aside the will of the people and remove a president from office. Lying about the fact that you and your cohorts exposed the identity of an undercover officer of this country's spy services (to punish her husband who had had the nerve to point out the rationale for dragging the country into the Iraq war was a lie) ehh, not such a big deal.

Well, at least it's nice to have their values put clearly on display for all to see,

Just like "Oz"

After spending five nights in jail, Paris Hilton was released early this morning and put under house arrest, The Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department announced today. “She has fulfilled her obligation,” said Steve Whitmore, the department’s spokesman. “She has paid her debt to society.”

Uh-huh. I'm sure she wasn't treated special at all.

The thing that always amazes me is why these rich celebrities go out and get shitfaced and then drive themselves.

Mel Gibson has a bazillion dollars. Why did he drive himself that night in Malibu when he got pulled over and arrested (although the good thing about that is, no one was hurt and we got to see the real anti-Semitic Mel).

But they can easily afford to hire a car service at a couple hundred lousy bucks, or even have a full-time driver. I don't understand why they get behind the wheel themselves after getting drunk or high?

I like Mike

Not only did he pass that wonderful smoking ban in the city's bars, Mayor Mike Bloomberg is voicing some common sense about this "plot" to blow up a pipeline running to JFK Airport.

As more details of the "plan" are being revealed, it's apparent it was never going to happen. Not to mention, even if it somehow had, the fuel tank in Queens would never had affected the airport or even other parts of the pipeline. It would have been a minor localized event. You wouldn't know it from the initial government and media stories though.

As Newsday reports:

"When U.S. Attorney Roslynn Mauskopf described the alleged terror plot to blow up Kennedy Airport as "one of the most chilling plots imaginable," which might have caused "unthinkable" devastation, one law enforcement official said he cringed.

The plot, he knew, was never operational. The public had never been at risk. And the notion of blowing up the airport, let alone the borough of Queens, by exploding a fuel tank was in all likelihood a technical impossibility.

And now, with a portrait emerging of alleged mastermind Russell Defreitas as hapless and episodically homeless, and of co-conspirator Abdel Nur as a drug addict, Mauskopf's initial characterizations seem more questionable -- some go so far as to say hyped."

But when the initial news coverage was going on, the news channels, of course, went into their usual Scary Music/Apocalyptic Headlines mode, scaring the bejesus out of everyone.

This often happens with these terror plots. Remember that "plan" to blow up the Sears Tower in Chicago that was ballyhooed a few years ago. It turned out the "plotters" were hapless bozos who had no real plan, had never even been to Chicago, and, in fact, were being egged on by an FBI mole in their midst.

As The Washington Post reported last year: "But court records released since then suggest that what (Attorney General Alberto) Gonzales described as a "deadly plot" was virtually the pipe dream of a few men with almost no ability to pull it off on their own. The suspects have raised questions in court about the FBI informants' role in keeping the plan alive."

But while the White House and the Republican candidates are trying to run, once again, on scaring the crap out of the American people, Mayor Bloomberg, a nominal Republican himself, is speaking some common sense, telling WCBS-TV:

"There are lots of threats to you in the world. There's the threat of a heart attack for genetic reasons. You can't sit there and worry about everything. Get a life," he said.

That "What, me worry?" attitude pretty much sums up Bloomberg's advice to New Yorkers on the terror plot. As far as he was concerned, the professionals were on it, so New Yorkers shouldn't let it tax their brains.

"You have a much greater danger of being hit by lightning than being struck by a terrorist," he added.

There are obviously terrorists out there who do want to harm us, and may even succeed again. But it doesn't help when every two-bit piece of nonsense like this gets made into another 9-11 by craven politicians and a sensationalistic media.

Now you can be entertained as you narrowly miss hitting a bus

"NBC Universal has joined up with Clear Channel Taxi Media to put NBC content into New York City taxicabs. Beginning this month, 50 yellow cabs will be fitted with LCD monitors mounted on the back of the cab's front seats. The companies plan to eventually offer NBC programming to 5,000 of the 13,000 New York City cabs. The monitors will show content from NBC Entertainment, CNBC, and MSNBC, as well as local New York NBC affiliate WNBC."
- TV.com

Well, it might drown out the sitar music that's often blasting from the cab radio. Now if they can only do something about that pine cone air freshener smell.

Here's the REAL mystery

I finally got around to seeing "The Da Vinci Code," which was playing last night on Starz.

And even though I was watching it on the Starz HD feed on my beautiful Toshiba LCD hi-def set, half the movie was so damn dark, I couldn't tell what was going on. I understand they were looking for atmospherics, but, seriously, if you can't see the damn thing, it's pretty confusing.

And that's the real mystery. I never read the Dan Brown novel, so maybe it's the age-old case of the movie not quite living up to the book, but how the hell did that thing get so popular?

And just as the 'Bing is going out of business

Former Republican (!) Congressman Joe Scarborough, who is now a host on MSNBC, has gotten into a little trouble for wondering if Fred Thompson's much younger wife, Jeri - yes, that's how she spells it, and probably with a little heart over the "i" - "works the pole."

How can he think such a thing?

Wait till I demand a room at the Chateau Marmont and dinner at the Ivy

Well, this seems like a pretty cool idea, especially for politically active types like us Too Saucy-ites. There is a contest underway sponsored by Ziddio.com which is giving anyone a chance to host a Henry Rollins Show Marathon on IFC (Independent Film Channel).

Rollins, of course, is the former lead of Black Flag and the Rollins Band (I actually met him briefly once, years ago, when he was on one of the labels at the record company I used to work for). He's gotten quite political and hosts a provocative talk show on IFC.

The contest is for you to record and upload a 30 second video "rant" on one of 11 topics he's chosen (abortion, global warming, Iraq, etc.) and the person who makes the one he chooses gets flown to Los Angeles, meets Henry, and hosts an upcoming marathon of his show on IFC.

That's pretty cool, considering I usually rant for free - often on New York street corners, sadly enough.

Contest info is at ziddio.com/myrollinsrant

Give it a shot, Too Saucy-ites. Who doesn't want a free trip to L.A. and an on-air gig. Who knows where that could lead!

When told George W. Bush was President of the U.S., he asked to be put back under again for a few years

"Man Wakes From 19-Year Coma in Poland"

Law & Order & Boobs

"Thompson Makes Strong Pitch to Conservative Republicans"
- NYT

Hmm, I get the feeling that's not the only thing he pitches.

But I am still waiting for someone to explain to me why the right-wingers in the Republican party are suddenly focusing on Fred Thompson as their Great White Hope for 2008 (granted, there is no other color of hope in the GOP).

But seriously, what exactly has this guy done?

He was an undistinguished Senator for a few terms. He didn't champion any great legislative policy or have any real accomplishments. He's been, at best, a plodding actor in a few TV shows and movies. And he was a multi-million dollar lawyer and lobbyist in between.

And this is the guy the Republicans are looking to for salvation?

Of course, it shows how desperate they feel about the current crop of candidates running for their party's nomination - but Fred Thompson?

By the way, the picture is of Fred escorting his daughter to her senior prom. Oh, wait, no, my bad - that's Fred with his newest wife, Jeri, a purty young chippy.

She's only his second wife.

That practically makes him a holy man in the Family Values party.

Consumer tip #27

Do not, repeat, do not go to a bar where they have a drink special: "If your name is x, you drink free"

Yours truly did that last night where x was my name and mc squared.

I am paying the price today.

That is all.

Thank you.