Yikes

The old Ricki Lake could have ate the new Ricki Lake for breakfast. On a buttered bagel. With a side of bacon. And home fries. And a vanilla milk shake.

I wish I had friends like that

"A few nights after he resigned his post as secretary of state two years ago, Colin L. Powell answered a ring at his front door. Standing outside was Prince Bandar, then Saudi Arabia’s ambassador to the United States, with a 1995 Jaguar. Mr. Powell’s wife, Alma, had once mentioned that she missed their 1995 Jaguar, which she and her husband had traded in. Prince Bandar had filed that information away, and presented the Powells that night with an identical, 10-year-old model. The Powells kept the car — a gift that the State Department said was legal — but recently traded it away."
- NY Times

Jeezus.

And remember, Powell was supposedly one of the good guys in the Bush administration.

Republican corruption is endemic.

The Ted Haggard Defense

You have to hand it to the right-wingers - they provide hours of enjoyment with their wacky hypocritical shenanigans.

The latest jester is, er, was, one of the Bush administration's top foreign policy officials, Randall Tobias, head of foreign aid programs in the State Department, and, reportedly, one of Condoleeza Rice's “favorites.”

He resigned Friday, “one day after confirming to ABC News that he had been a customer of a Washington, D.C. escort service whose owner has been charged by federal prosecutors with running a prostitution operation.”

“On Thursday, Tobias told ABC News he had several times called the "Pamela Martin and Associates" escort service "to have gals come over to the condo to give me a massage." Tobias, who is married, said there had been "no sex," and that recently he had been using another service "with Central Americans" to provide massages.”

You know, just like Ted Haggard, the creepy right-wing Christian evangelist, who was busted with a male prostitute, but said there was no sex, just massages.

The Tobias story gets even better. In a previous job he was in charge of fighting AIDS, and, of course, like all good little Bushies, ignored science and relied on holy rolling:

“As the Bush administration's so-called "AIDS czar," Tobias was criticized by some for emphasizing faithfulness and abstinence over condom use to prevent the spread of AIDS."

No happy endings with those massages, I guess.

Meanwhile, The Washington Post has this delightful quote: "I'm sad today," said one person close to Tobias. "The president loves him and Condi absolutely loves him."

Sure, but I wonder how his wife feels about him today?

Seriously, the repression and fear of sex among these right-wing Republicans leads them to do some very freaky things. But somehow, they are cloaked with the mantle of being the “family values” party. Pathetic.

Did I mention I have new windows?

I love how, even though Johnny Nash is clearly lip-synching, he has a microphone with a giant wire.

But it's a great song.

No clue what the bizarrely random Washington DC scenery in the background is all about, but, you know, in the 1970s, they were all pretty high, even network TV (and check out Nash's orange jump suit and platform shoes – but, hey, for writing this song, he can dress however he wants.)

I can see clearly now

Ahh, the evening scene from my bedroom with the new windows installed. So suddenly clear. Over the next few days I'll try to use a sunset view from Chez JBK, which is really a very pleasant thing, and maybe even do it with a regular Canon camera instead of the silly Q phone-cam shot.

But now I must go and make my vision cloudy at an open bar thingy.

Thank you.

Yawn

Finally home. I had to get out of my apartment before 9 am this morning, a rare occurence for me.

My building is installing new windows, and today was the day they did my apartment, so they came at 8 am - and the noise! Oy. I couldn't stand it and had to bolt.

Who knew there were so many people out and about at that ungodly hour.

But it was a beautiful morning for a stroll, and, as you can see, the Dogwood trees are beginning to bloom on the Upper East Side. Photos courtesy of the Q (one of these days I'll take the real camera out there...but then again, that means the whole transferring the pix to the computer pain in the ass, so maybe not.)



Not to mention, the Larouchies had their "Impeach Cheney First, Then Bush" table set up outside the 86th Street stop of the Lex. Good times.

A theory of relativity

God bless Einstein and his theory with the sound waves and the passing train (or was it a space ship and people left back on Earth?) Anyhoo, I basically know the story - but this, my friends, this is the REAL theory of relativity:

I had to go into into midtown on Tuesday afternoon for a meeting. When it ended, I stopped in at Morton's Steakhouse (just off 5th) for a little post-meeting, winding-down, happy hour.

They have a great happy hour special there if you're a meat eater: three mini-cheeseburgers – and we're talking those amazing Morton's burgers – for four bucks. (I shouldn't even have told you about that, it's such a little-known, well-kept NYC secret, but what the hell.)

I had that and two glasses of shiraz as I relaxed and read the Daily News.

And then the rub. The burgers at four bucks, the wine at $10.95 each, and I suddenly had a bill of about $28.

No buy backs!

Well, I was grumpy.

As sometimes happens.

So, natch, I gave the not-particularly-friendly bartender a somewhat basic tip of five bucks (come on, he brought over two glasses of wine and one mini-burger platter – he was actually quite lucky.)

I digress.

On the way home, I passed by Uptown on 3rd.

You know, it just looked so inviting - the big windows were open wide in the delightful weather, Van Morrison was playing on the sound. Oy, temptation. Ok, I ran in and started ordering martinis.

Well, three Lemon Drop martinis (photo: actual Lemon Drop from Tuesday, courtesy of the Q...and once I figure out how to post live from the Q, you're all in trouble) and two Stellas later – all from my favorite, blonde bartender there – and, what, technically, should have been a $30 tab, was a total charge of only $12 (not to mention, mixing those martinis is more work than pouring a glass of wine from a bottle).

So, of course, I gave her a $10 tip.

See how the whole relativity thing works?

Going for her 16 minutes

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Kristine Lefebvre, who failed to win a job with Donald Trump on "The Apprentice," is shedding her business suit for Playboy. Lefebvre will appear on the cover of the June issue of the magazine and is featured in nude photographs inside, her publicist, Howard Bragman, said Friday.


Ok, I would have prefered Ivanka, but I guess it could have been worse. It could have been that annoying girl with the (I think) Wisconsin accent.

Another criminal mastermind

At exactly 5:45:34 on April 18, 2004 a computer taken from the office of the attorney of Melanie McGuire, did a search on the words "How To Commit Murder."

That same day searches on Google and MSN search engines, were conducted on such topics as `instant poisons,` `undetectable poisons,' 'fatal digoxin doses,' and gun laws in New Jersey and Pennsylvania.

Ten days later, according to allegations by the state of New Jersey, McGuire murdered her husband, William T. McGuire, at their Woodbridge apartment, using a gun obtained in Pennsylvania, one day after obtaining a prescription for a sedative known as the "date rape" drug.
- Daily Record

Just a bit of friendly advice, guys - if your wife has been spending a lot of time on the computer lately, she may not really be looking up a recipe for Tuscan-Style Pork Ribs with Balsamic Glaze.

Cream or sugar with your shower?

"Inventors have created a soap infused with caffeine which helps users wake up in the morning. The soap, called Shower Shock, supplies the caffeine equivalent of two cups of coffee per wash, with the stimulant absorbed naturally through the skin, manufacturers say."
- Reuters

I love coffee and I love long showers - but that sounds horrible.

Although if they can work on a Jack Daniels-scented shampoo they may have something.

I Heart Jersey

New Jersey is a great state, and you folks really have to stop making fun if it.

I just returned to the city this morning from a delightful weekend along the shore. The weather has been stunning the last few days, and it was perfect for a little getaway at my ex's beach house (I'm weak).

Sadly, I also had to help her clean the place up a little, as they had been hit by a bad storm a few weeks ago and had some water damage. But a weekend's worth of fresh sea food, flowing wine and rum coladas (that may be my new summer drink) more than made up for it. Kudos to the Garden State for that whole beach and ocean thing.

(Of course, I'm so paranoid about getting sun burned, I had 30 SPF lathered on, so I actually have a negative tan now.)

At the prom?

Here's a picture of possible GOP presidential candidate Fred Thompson and his tender young wife, Jeri (yes, that's how she spells it - probably puts a little heart over the "i" too) courtesy of No Quarter, through Wolcott.

She looks like she's about a third of the old coot's age.

I'm sure I saw her dancing on the bar at McFadden's last night. Those twin towers look very familiar.

Remember, though, Bill Clinton is the evil sex fiend who had to be impeached by these guys.

Gotta love the family values party.

I don't THINK this is Cho Seung-Hui?

When you come in from a night of drunken debauchery at McFadden's, there's nothing better than hearing this voice mail, courtesy of TMZ, of an out-of-control Alec Baldwin reaming out his 11-year-old daughter on her cell phone.

I like Baldwin, but, wow, he sounds like a loony tune in this. Although, in all fairness, his ex-wife, Kim Basinger, who clearly leaked this to the press, has probably been working at turning their daughter against him.

Great stuff though.

On the abortion shift

Elections have consequences, as if we didn't already know from the past seven sorry years in this country's history. (Not that George Bush was actually elected in 2000, of course, but that's another story). The latest demonstration of the old axiom is yesterday's Supreme Court ruling that, for the first time, outlaws a specific abortion procedure.

As a Washington Post editorial said, the ruling, prohibiting the procedure called “intact dilation and extraction” by medical professionals, and “partial birth abortion” by the pro-lifers, “is not apt to prevent any abortions: Most likely, the tiny percentage of women who would have undergone this admittedly gruesome procedure will instead opt to terminate their pregnancies by another procedure, equally, if not more, gruesome. But the 5 to 4 ruling...will certainly prevent some women from choosing the abortion procedure that their doctors believe would be safest in their individual cases.”

The new make-up of the Court, coming after Bush got John Roberts and Samuel Alito on the bench, is what led to the decision. Alito replaced Sanda Day O'Connor, a Reagan appointee and certainly not a liberal by any stretch of the imagination - but who voted against the ban last time it came before the Court - and now these old men are telling doctors how to do their job. And telling women what they can do with their body and the most personal and agonizing medical decisions they can make.

And it's the sheer cynicism of the pro-lifers that is astounding. Yes, the procedure sounds gruesome – especially when it's described in loving detail by the anti-choice crowd as it often is – but pregnant women don't wake up one day, eight months along, and say, “Hey, I think I'll swing down to the clinic today and get that abortion. I've been meaning to do it for the last six months, just never had the time.”

Chances are if a woman is having the procedure, something went wrong and her doctor believes it's the only way to intervene. Doctors often decide it's the best way to give the woman a better chance to have a successful future pregnancy.

And of course, this is only the beginning. The anti-choicers realize the American public doesn't want to ban abortion, no matter how uncomfortable the subject makes them, so they are chipping away at the right bit by bit. This is just the first step.

Yesterday, the Republican candidates – even the allegedly pro-choice Rudy – were tripping over themselves praising this ruling.

The next president will no doubt get to appoint one or two more justices. It's just one more thing to consider when you step into the voting booth next November.

Just a reminder...

While everyone in this country was, obviously, outraged, stunned and grief-stricken over the 32 people killed at Virginia Tech, the Iraqis are suffering a VT every day - sometimes even much worse:

Bombs ravaged Baghdad in five horrific explosions aimed mainly at Shiite crowds on Wednesday, killing at least 171 people in the deadliest day in the capital since the American-led security plan for the city took effect two months ago.

That's 171 people dead, their families devastated thanks to George Bush's war.

I call bullshit

From Gawker Stalker:

Anna Chlumsky
W 52nd St & 8th Ave
Apr 17th, 2007 @ 3pm

"I just saw Anna Chlumsky from "My Girl." She was on 52nd and 8th. I was shocked I even recognized her because she wasn't 12 years old. She was talking on her cell phone and looked very good. Her hair was very blonde."

Puh-leeze. Who the hell could possibly recognize a little girl from a movie made 16 years ago? I think some of these Gawker "celeb" spotters are delusional.

And cue the loons

Anytime I think I can't be disgusted or surprised by the right-wingers any more, along comes an incident that makes me realize - yup, sure can.

Case in point, the massacre at Virginia Tech, with 32 students and faculty killed by a wack job.

A wack job who was able to calmly walk into two different stores and get two different guns used in the killings with nothing more than a driver's licence and a checkbook.

But the bodies weren't even cold when the gun nuts started screaming that the reason the massacre happened is because, even though Virginia has some of the laxest gun laws in the nation - hell, half the gun crimes comitted in NYC are with guns bought legally in Virginia - VTech was a gun-free zone.

That's right. The problem, they say, isn't that there's no sensible gun control laws - it's that there's too much gun control.

These clowns proclaim that if only the other students were armed, well, they could have "taken him out," you know, just like in the movies.

And, oh yes, that's just what we need. A bunch of panicked college students firing wildly at this guy and everything around him. Or rumors flying on the panicked campus: "Hey, I think that guy's the gunman. Get him!"

Not to mention the disaster just waiting to happen by having a bunch of college kids walking around, getting shitfaced at keg parties, or cracking under finals pressure - and packing heat too. Genius.

But the most distasteful, disgusting voice from the right is one John Derbyshire, a writer for National Review Online, who said the real problem at VT was that the students were cowards, because no-one tried to take down the madman who was firing point blank into their classrooms:

"Where was the spirit of self-defense here? Setting aside the ludicrous campus ban on licensed conceals, why didn't anyone rush the guy? It's not like this was Rambo, hosing the place down with automatic weapons. He had two handguns for goodness' sake—one of them reportedly a .22.

At the very least, count the shots and jump him reloading or changing hands. Better yet, just jump him. Handguns aren't very accurate, even at close range. I shoot mine all the time at the range, and I still can't hit squat. I doubt this guy was any better than I am. And even if hit, a .22 needs to find something important to do real damage—your chances aren't bad.

Yes, yes, I know it's easy to say these things: but didn't the heroes of Flight 93 teach us anything? As the cliche goes—and like most cliches. It's true—none of us knows what he'd do in a dire situation like that. I hope, however, that if I thought I was going to die anyway, I'd at least take a run at the guy."

I wish he'd have taken a run at the guy too. More likely, though, like most of his ilk - who talk tough about the Iraq War, but strangely never seem to quite find the time to volunteer for the military - he would be pissing in his pants and cowering under a desk.

Oy gevalt

Former Wisconsin governor and Republican presidential hopeful Tommy Thompson told Jewish activists Monday that making money is "part of the Jewish tradition," and something that he applauded.

Speaking to an audience at the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism in Washington D.C., Thompson said that, "I'm in the private sector and for the first time in my life I'm earning money. You know that's sort of part of the Jewish tradition and I do not find anything wrong with that."

Thompson later apologized for the comments that had caused a stir in the audience, saying that he had meant it as a compliment, and had only wanted to highlight the "accomplishments" of the Jewish religion.
- Haaretz

Hmm, a right-wing Republican making a not-so-veiled snarky comment playing on stereotypes about religion or race? Wow, there's a surprise.

I hear Tommy's heading to an NAACP convention soon to tell them he loves dancing - which, ya know, is part of the black tradition.

Hey, it's a compliment!

Enough about Imus, please

A lot of people have asked me over the last few days what I thought about the whole Don Imus thing and why haven't I posted on Too Saucy about it.

Well, first, I'm a very busy man. But more importantly, I had nothing exciting to say and don't feel the need to post just for the sake of having a comment up. But now, please, can we stop talking about it.

We had numbnuts like NBC's David Gregory, who was hosting MSNBC's "Hardball" last week, saying it will open the door to a "national conversation about race."

Bullshit. It won't. Remember, the O.J. verdict and the Rodney King beating and the LA riots and God knows what else - they were all going to open a "national conversation" too. They didn't and this won't either.

Racism is America's constant and dirty little stain, and while things have certainly got better for black folks over the years, the racism is still there, bubbling under the surface.

Imus' defenders are fond of saying he was an equal-opportunity insulter, mocking everyone. But if they seriously don't see a difference between mocking George Bush or Hillary Clinton or Tim Russert and mocking a bunch of college kids, whose only crime in the eyes of Imus and his stooges were that they were black, then there's no conversation to have.

I've never been an Imus fan. I doubt I've heard more than 20 minutes of his show in my life - and he's been on the radio in the NY area since I obtained consciousness - so I shed no tears over his firing.

But there are people on the air, like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck and Michael Savage, who say far worse things than Imus every single day yet seem to suffer no penalties. Dick Cheney runs to Limbaugh's hatefest whenever he wants a softball interview, in fact.

So spare me how the Imus firing is some meaningful step forward in race relations. It's not. It will be business as usual for the right-wing hatemongers.

Ugh, this weather

I am so craving the Greek Islands today.

Anyone up for a road trip?

At Mecca, she's going to scream “Oy, Allah”

I had drinks Thursday night with my friend "Jan Brady." The beauty part is she doesn't drink that much (although she loves to eat) so when I made some noise about her owing me for some advice I had given her, she ended up throwing in more money than she really owed – good times.

She's always ripe for a chuckle, though.

She was telling me about a recent trip to Italy with her husband. And what did she take away from seeing all those magnificent sights, the living history, the museums, the food – well, she saw Gisele Bundchen at a Dolce & Gabbana. Granted, I would be pretty happy at that too, but still.

Besides always being celebrity-struck - I was with her once and she literally froze like a deer in headlights, jaw agape, when she saw a guy she thought was the actor who played Samantha Jones' boyfriend on "Sex and the City" - Jan has a way with words. When they were at the Vatican, she was trying to take a picture and someone walked into the shot just as her camera battery was about to die, so she shouted out “Jesus Christ!”

Heads glared at her from all directions. She's actually lucky she didn't get strung up by the religious freaks who flock there.

Jan Brady – world traveler, religious instigator.

I havent even started my Outer Space Alien Day shopping.

Is today some weird holiday I'm not aware of?

Sometimes, Google alters the logo on its main search page on holidays with a whimsical variation, putting leprachauns in on St. Pat's Day, or candy canes around Christmas time.

Today, it's some sort of weird space alien thing.

Where does the time go? The holiday just crept right up on me.

Glad to see that "surge" is working so well

"Bombing Inside Green Zone Kills Iraqi Lawmakers"

"In a separate incident, a powerful truck bomb toppled a major Baghdad bridge, killing at least seven and leaving the structure lying in the Tigris River."

You know, as Cheney said, the insurgents are clearly in their "last throes."

When you've lost the Mormons....

The invitation extended to Vice President Dick Cheney to be the commencement speaker at Brigham Young University has set off a rare, continuing protest at the Mormon university, one of the nation’s most conservative.

Some of the faculty and the 28,000 undergraduate and graduate students, who are overwhelmingly Republican, have expressed concern about the Bush administration’s support for the war in Iraq and other policies, but most of the current protest has focused on Mr. Cheney’s integrity, character and behavior. Several students said, for example, that they were appalled at Mr. Cheney’s use of an expletive on the Senate floor in a June 2004 exchange with Senator Patrick J. Leahy, Democrat of Vermont.
- New York Times

Just how unpopular is Dick Cheney?

The Mormons are protesting a visit from him.

One of the most conservative, heavily Republican demographics in the country - Utah is one of the few states where George Bush is at the 50 percent approval mark; most other places, remember, he's tied with gonorreah - and the students at BYU are protesting a visit from the Dark Lord himself.

Of course, it will be a clean, polite protest, with very attractive blonde-haired girls, no less. I've always had a thing for those corn-fed Mormon girls - grrrowwr.

Thank you, Democratic Congress

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Congress has passed legislation cracking down on animal fighting, sending President Bush a measure that would make it a felony to transport an animal across state lines for fighting.

Approval of the bill marked the culmination of a nearly six-year effort to limit dogfighting and cockfighting, centuries-old traditions that most lawmakers and animal rights advocates now label brutal.

The Senate passed the measure by voice vote Tuesday night, following House passage by a lopsided margin on March 26, clearing it for Bush's signature.

''Animal fighting is cruel,'' said Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., the Judiciary Committee chairman. ''Those engaged in animal fighting ventures must know that this crime is serious and will be punished as a felony.''
- AP

If Boy George dares to veto this, I say we march on the White House with pitchforks and blazing torches.

Classy to the end

"I told you so!" Larry Birkhead crowed to the throng of reporters and tourists waiting outside the cupcake-pink courthouse in Nassau after a judge ruled behind closed doors that he was the biological father of Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern, who was born on the island Sept. 7. "I'm going to the toy store!"
- Washington Post

A figure in the whole sorry, sad Anna Nicole Smith mess screeching out a schoolyard taunt after the results of a DNA test.

What a pathetic group in this tawdry story, every one of them.

Movie tip #472

Do not, repeat, do not ever allow yourself to be finagled into watching an abortion called "The Lake House."

My friend Sarah came over Monday night for a lovely Omaha filet mignon dinner, and, when we we were looking for a movie to watch later, there was nothing playing that both of us wanted to see so she convinced me to try the aforementioned "Lake House," with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves (I had been weakened by a devious little shiraz by this point).

Not only is it a chick flick, it's a stupid chick flick.

I could feel my testicles and my brain cells shriveling simultaneously.

Oy, so bad.

I still couldn't tell you what it was supposed to be. They start writing letters to each other separated by two years yet simultaneously read by each other through some magic mailbox and she's a doctor and he dies in her arms after getting hit by a bus but she writes to him and saves him and - ugh, just terrible.

No wonder the terrorists hate us.

I'll believe it when I hear the first incomprehensible announcement over the crappy PA system

"Gov. Eliot Spitzer and a host of dignitaries will descend through a sidewalk hatch at Second Avenue and 102nd Street, a block south of the spot where Gov. Nelson A. Rockefeller and Mayor John V. Lindsay held a groundbreaking in October 1972. They will go into a never-used section of a three-decade old subway tunnel, stretching from 105th Street to 99th Street. The governor will give a speech, hoist a pickax and take a few cracks at the concrete wall, symbolically beginning the construction where it left off in the 1970s."
-NYT

They've been talking about building a Second Avenue subway system for decades, as this Times story notes.

If it actually happens, though, the value of my apartment will increase three-fold, so, yay Spitzer if he succeeds.

Heckuva job, Bushie

This is the fourth anniversary of the fall of Hussein.

And like most things George W. Bush has touched in his life - from his many business failures, to losing the 2000 election by some 600,000 votes, only to be appointed to the presidency by his daddy's cronies on the Supreme Court - it's been a disaster.

He can't even stay upright on a goddamn Segway, which is practically impossible to tip over.

Worst. President. Ever.

Next week, he learns the intricacies of the toaster-oven

I know it's just so hard to believe President Chimpster couldn't quite figure out the whole plugging-in-an-electric-cord thing, but the Detroit News is reporting George Bush almost blew himself and half the White House up when he was being shown an electric car by the CEO of Ford:

Credit Ford Motor Co. CEO Alan Mulally with saving the leader of the free world from self-immolation.

Mulally told journalists at the New York auto show that he intervened to prevent President Bush from plugging an electrical cord into the hydrogen tank of Ford's hydrogen-electric plug-in hybrid at the White House last week. Ford wanted to give the Commander-in-Chief an actual demonstration of the innovative vehicle, so the automaker arranged for an electrical outlet to be installed on the South Lawn and ran a charging cord to the hybrid.

(snip)

"I just thought, 'Oh my goodness!' So, I started walking faster, and the President walked faster and he got to the cord before I did. I violated all the protocols. I touched the President. I grabbed his arm and I moved him up to the front," Mulally said. "I wanted the president to make sure he plugged into the electricity, not into the hydrogen This is all off the record, right?"

With Boy George at the helm, how the country's economy, foreign policy and the city of New Orleans have been destroyed is a real mystery, huh?

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

The Cadbury Creme Eggs are out at Duane Reade.

Good Friday? Hell no, it's a Great Friday.

What a big, brave man

How fucked up is the Republican party that their candidates actually have to brag about being hunters.

“Ooh, vote for me, I shoot defenseless animals for fun.”

Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney has been running around saying he's a “lifelong hunter” to prove his bona fides with the gun nuts.

Unfortunately for him, the AP is reporting he actually only went hunting twice in his life; once with his cousins when he was 15, the second time just last year when he was shooting quail on a fenced game preserve with GOP contributors.

But that didn't stop him from playing Jethro Bodine for red state America:

In a question-and-answer session Tuesday in Keene, N.H., Romney spoke of his experience with hunting in a manner that suggested a close affiliation with the sport.

"I purchased a gun when I was a young man. I've been a hunter pretty much all my life," he told a man sporting a National Rifle Association cap.

(snip)

Romney added: "Shooting a rabbit with a single-shot .22 is pretty hard, and after watching me try for a couple of weeks, (my cousins) said, 'We'll slip you the semiautomatic. You'll do better with that.' And I sure did."

On the Georgia excursion, he said, "I knocked quite a few birds and enjoyed myself a great deal."

Expressing familiarity with and support for gun rights is key among Republican presidential contenders, who count gun owners, members of the military and the NRA itself among their potential supporters.

In order to attract right-wing votes, these numb nuts have to make sure people know they shoot animals. Ugh.

And, as the AP story points out, Romney's hunting credentials are about as genuine as when George Bush - product of Greenwich Country Day School and Yale - bought that fake ranch in Crawford, Texas, the year before he ran for president, to show he's just a good ol' boy.

What a bunch of pathetic fuckers.

You mean he wasn't actually doing a show 2000 years ago?

TVGuide.com: Name a historical figure you wish you could book on your show.

Larry King: Jesus Christ.

I think Larry had Gloria Swanson and Fernando Lamas on that night.

If you're happy and you know it CLAP your hands

Wow, if you think I'm tough on George Bush sometimes, take a look at what a Minnesota Republican is saying.

When asked why Democrats did so well in the November election, Marty Seifert compared Bush to the clap.

"On Thursday of last week Representative Seifert spoke to a large crowd at the League of Minnesota Cities Breakfast. At some point the conversation turned to why the Democrats had been so successful in the last election cycle. Rep. Seifert expounded on a number of reasons and at some point in this list said that it didn’t help that “the President’s approval ratings are right there with gonorrhea.”

I can just see the new GOP slogan: George Bush - still more popular than malaria.

He knows what you did last summer

Just when you think Dick Cheney can't get any more creepy and evil, something happens that makes you realize, yes, he can.

During George Bush's Tuesday press conference from the Rose Garden, Cheney was seen literally lurking off to the side, behind some bushes and trees. You can sense his malevolent force in this picture, although it's hard to tell if he's got a "Scream" mask on. I guess if Boy George wandered off script, Cheney was ready to shoot the poison dart at him.

But look at his dark force just skulking there in the background, glaring at his puppet. Ugh.

lol gr8 idea NOT

The Washington Post is reporting that in GQ's new issue, a reporter conducted an interview with Lindsay Lohan entirely by BlackBerry. And, amazingly, The Post says her messages are pretty banal.

This is shocking. I really figured they would be erudite and witty and deep.

For GQ's special "Love, Sex and Madness" issue, writer Marshall Sella conducted an interview with bad girl actress Lindsay Lohan -- entirely via BlackBerry messages!!

"Because that's how the kids are communicating these days," Sella writes in an introduction. And, he adds, Lohan is "an icon of her generation."

How did this high-tech experiment work out? Not so good. It turns out that Lohan's BlackBerry text messages are about as banal as anybody else's text messages.

"Here now wearing marc jacobs pumps and a kate and kass dress, vintage chanel messenger and topshop tights and peace sign earrings from kaviar and kind," she writes.

Sella gets that message and fires one back asking Lohan if she plays poker.

"Weird! I just e-mailed my friend sara pantera saying I'm going to start playing poker again! I bought two puppies today! Sober impulse buying of companions who will help me stay home etc," Lohan replies.

Sella sends back a message endorsing dogs and asking if Lohan likes cats.

"Cats scare me," she writes. "I just think of bad luck from black ones like I had in 'Just My Luck'! I need a boyfriend. Geez."

Back and forth they go until Sella asks Lohan, who is busy filming a movie, to tell him about the happiest moment of her life.

"Gotta think sex scene today," she writes back.

"Best message ever," Sella answers. "What do you think about during a sex scene?"

Oy. How much is that guy trying to get in her pants? Can't really blame him though. She is still pretty hot, in that nubile, needy, about-to-melt-down-any-minute way. You've got to give her that.

Deja drivel

"It was a Bloody Monday in TV land as the nets delivered bad news to the casts and crews of several skeins, including "The Wedding Bells," "Six Degrees," "7th Heaven" and "The Black Donnellys."
-Variety

7th Heaven? I am so out of the loop now with these crappy TV shows, I thought 7th Heaven was canceled about two years ago. Apparently it came back. But now it's gone. Again. Please.

Anyway, once Jessica Biel was out of that show, really, who could watch it?

Ladies and gentlemen, your Republican paaaaarty......

"Sen. John McCain strolled briefly through an open-air market in Baghdad today in an effort to prove that Americans are “not getting the full picture” of what’s going on in Iraq.

NBC’s Nightly News provided further details about McCain’s one-hour guided tour. He was accompanied by “100 American soldiers, with three Blackhawk helicopters, and two Apache gunships overhead.” Still photographs provided by the military to NBC News seemed to show McCain wearing a bulletproof vest during his visit."
- Think Progress

You know, with that much firepower around me, I'd probably feel pretty safe too.

Unfortunately, the average Iraqi who risks life and limb running out to get a spot of tea doesn't have 100 soldiers around him, Apaches and Blackhawks hovering overhead, or a bulletproof vest to wear.

But, you know, according to McCain, that pesky media's just not showing the real story of how well Bush's war is going.

“April, come she will.”

In honor of the new month, here's a nice little low-key and pretty much forgotten Simon & Garfunkel song from their legendary Central Park concert.

It brings a smile to my face because several years ago I was traveling through Asia with an ex – it was a great trip; we were on the road for three months and went around China, Thailand, Bali and Hong Kong - and toward the middle of our journey we were in Bali and stumbled into a little store in Ubud selling bootleg CDs, the overwhelming majority of them strange Japanese and Thai albums we had never heard of.

But for some bizarre reason the S&G Central Park concert album was huge there (only about 20 years late). It was playing on the sound system when we walked in, and the store boasted a big picture of them on the stage. Since that concert was recorded about 10 minutes away from where I live, and we were feeling a little homesick by this point, we bought it and played it over and over again during the following week or so (and sorry Paul Simon, but I doubt you got any royalties from the purchase).

Of course by the end of the trip we were also ready to kill each other, so it's not that sweet a story - but, still, this song always brings back fun memories.