What is this strange power I have?

It happened to me again. I blogged about this weird phenomenon before, but it's been sort of quiet on the weird front until Thursday night when it happened once more.

I went out for dinner at my fav Upper East Side restaurant (where I got the amazing Long Island Duck medley. Oy, so good). As per custom, I sat at the bar reading the Daily News, enjoying a few glasses of a delightful little Pinot Noir. I don't have to talk to anyone, it's so relaxing and the bartender is always great with the buybacks. Good times.

I got there not long after 5 pm, when the place opened. I was the first and, for a little while, the only customer there. Got a nice seat at the bar, ordered some wine, and was beginning to read the paper when another customer came in.

Now, again, I am the only one there. This place is primarily a restaurant (a little upscale but not crazy expensive) and it doesn't have a huge bar, but there's at least 20 seats at it and it curves a little.

And this joker comes in and sits RIGHTNEXT to me. A minimum of 19 empty bar stools and he walks halfway down to sit at one next to mine. I must have glanced at him in disbelief because he gave me a look like, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

I couldn't believe it. And of course, it's never a hot little blonde who does this, although even that would be strange, but this guy had to do it. Ugh.

I had my paper spread out a little and now this clown was cramping me.

And it got worse. He made noise. He sneezed a few times, which I always find disgusting in a restaurant. He sighed a lot. He ordered food and the noise from his eating - slurping and chewing. And whenever he took a sip of his drink, he make that ahhh sound. I was totally nauseated.

By now a few more people had drifted in, but there were still about 10 empty seats.

With my body language, I was a master linguist. I turned my back on this guy so much I was practically facing north. And then, when I ordered my dinner and the bartender, Jerry, brought over the settings, I said to him I was going to move one stool over to my right because the light was better there for reading. It really wasn't, but I had to get away from this guy.

So please, people, I'm begging you: if you go to a bar and there's lots of empty seats and one customer there, do not sit directly next to him. There's no reason to. It's just weird.

Thank you.