And they're probably still better than anything starring Rob Schneider

I have an annoying habit of collecting some of the absolutely bizarre movie descriptions that run in the channel listings on Time Warner Cable that always make me think, “Are they serious? Can that be a real movie? Who would possibly watch that?”

Now I'm not talking about the description for something like “Bride of Chucky,” where you expect it to be wacked out, but the ones that run for presumably non-deliberately cheesy films.

Here's some I saw scrolling through the guide just in the last day:

Highlander: The Final Dimension
Immortal swordsmen duel it out in a New Jersey parking lot.

The Appaloosa
A buffalo hunter kidnaps the girlfriend of the Mexican bandit who stole his horse.

Schultze Gets the Blues
A newly discovered love for Cajun music reawakens a dispirited German accordonist's zest for life.

The Frisco Kid
A greenhorn Polish rabbi goes cross-country to San Francisco with a Wild West bank robber.

The Hand
A cartoonist loses his hand in a car accident but it comes back to crawl around to kill people.

The Boy Who Could Fly
A teenage girl befriends an autistic boy who sits on his roof, perched as if ready to fly.

Beneath the 12-mile Reef
A Greek sponge diver loves the daughter of a rival family of Key West sponge divers.

Yikes.

Hey, I know it's not easy to write a capsule description of a program in one sentence; in a former life, I had to rewrite a co-worker's program descriptions and he had the opposite affliction, turning in eight-paragraph poetic opuses on nothing – but these movie descriptions are just plain wacky.

Come on cable guide program writer, make me want to see the damn movie, not stare at its description in disbelief.

Thank you.