It's one of my three main food groups this time of year

Duane Reade has the Halloween candy out, which means Chez JBK is already filled with bags of fun-sized 3 Musketeers and Milky Ways.

Not for the brats on Halloween, of course, but for my own greedy self.

My building always puts up a sign-up sheet in the lobby with the doorman for anyone who wants to be visited on Halloweeen by kids. Needless to say, I never participate. Bah humbug.

But I do eat the candy that would otherwise go to them. I love those little chocolate bars. And if you freeze some of them - mmmm.

Hey, I'm only trying to save the little fucks from childhood obesity. This country already has the world's fattest kids, you know.