Excuse me, I MUST take this important message from Starfleet Command

Sometimes I am, if nothing else, a tad self-destructive.

As I shamelessly bragged a few weeks ago, I got the Motorola Q, you know the hot new smart phone many covet, so now I can conduct “business on the go.”

(Actually, as an aside, girls covet shoes, bless their cute little hearts. Guys covet the electronic stuff.)

Well, now I can surf the Web or take care of email from anywhere (granted, the thought of being able to email while enjoying fish and chips and Guinness at a bar pleased me to no end). And I always have a video cam on me now, in case, you know, there's breaking news I want to shoot and sell to a TV outlet (yeah, whatever). The Q's also got a not-bad-for-a-phone 1.3 megapix still cam. It's even sporting an MP3 player for those annoying train rides.

Anyway, it really is designed to be a great business tool.

And so what do I do with it? I set the home screen picture to Stewie, the evil baby on Family Guy. My ringer is the theme from Austin Powers. And my text message notifier is Lt. Worf from Star Trek: The Next Generation, saying, “Captain, incoming message” amidst the sounds of phasers.

Oh yes, all very businesslike. If I ever forget to set it to vibrate when I'm at a meeting and it goes off, it will be just a wee bit mortifying.

I just want to hear girls talk

This world is so fucked up these days, I get really sad sometimes. The Middle East is going up in flames, and, let's face it, it's never ever going to get any better. Jews are getting killed by Hezbollah rockets. The Israelis, of course, have to respond, and, invariably, innocents in Lebanon are getting pummeled. Iraq is a fucking disaster. At home, New Orleans is still a toxic wasteland. The Republicans score cheap political points by bashing gays, chipping steadily away at a woman's right to choose, and shoving religion down our throats. The GOP-led Congress finally passes a raise in the minimum wage after a decade – but only after they slip in a poison pill so they can eliminate the estate tax for their multi-millionaire contributors.

And, perhaps worst of all, we've got a clown in the Oval Office for another two-and-a-half years.

So it's time to try to get away from all this nonsense for a couple of minutes (2:52 to be exact) and watch Dave Edmunds, one of the best of the second British Invasion, here with his band, Rockpile, doing a version of “Girls Talk,” written by another great Brit, Elvis Costello.

It''s just fun to watch these sort of goofy-looking limeys doing this on a rooftop somewhere (it's not identified in the video, but it looks like it may be here in the city, in the Rockefeller Center area, probably in the early 1980s?) and, damn, they knew how to churn out a hell of a catchy song in less than three minutes.

And Elvis C.'s wordplay is, as usual, great. He was so damn good with lyrics (and the music wasn't too shabby either). This little on-line clip doesn't do it justice, especially if you're at work and can't really crank up your computer speakers. But if you ever get a chance to hear this on a CD, pump it up and you'll feel instantly happier. And maybe even forget, for a couple of minutes at least, about being ruled by Bush and his band of cronies.

“You may not be an old-fashioned girl, but you're going to get dated.”

Your reading assignment for today

Taking just a moment from the delightful spectacle of Mel Gibson imploding, there are two very interesting articles in The Times today I would call to your attention. Neither is a hard news story, and only one is somewhat about politics.

That would be this one about a conservative evangelical preacher in Minnesota, who is concerned that his faith has becomes too closely aligned to the Republican party, and fears it will ultimately hurt the religion:

Like most pastors who lead thriving evangelical megachurches, the Rev. Gregory A. Boyd was asked frequently to give his blessing — and the church’s — to conservative political candidates and causes.

The requests came from church members and visitors alike: Would he please announce a rally against gay marriage during services? Would he introduce a politician from the pulpit? Could members set up a table in the lobby promoting their anti-abortion work? Would the church distribute “voters’ guides” that all but endorsed Republican candidates? And with the country at war, please couldn’t the church hang an American flag in the sanctuary?

After refusing each time, Mr. Boyd finally became fed up, he said. Before the last presidential election, he preached six sermons called “The Cross and the Sword” in which he said the church should steer clear of politics, give up moralizing on sexual issues, stop claiming the United States as a “Christian nation” and stop glorifying American military campaigns.

“When the church wins the culture wars, it inevitably loses,” Mr. Boyd preached. “When it conquers the world, it becomes the world. When you put your trust in the sword, you lose the cross.”

Granted, suburban St. Paul, Minn., is 1,000 times more progressive than East Bumfuck, Alabammy or some of the other southern strongholds of the religious right, but it is encouraging.

Boyd seems like a good guy. Go check out the story.

Then there's this, a fascinating piece in the Health section about how our ancestors would see us as some sort of supermen, we are so much bigger, live so much longer and remain so much healthier than they usually did:

People of Valentin Keller’s era, like those before and after them, expected to develop chronic diseases by their 40’s or 50’s. Keller’s descendants had lung problems, they had heart problems, they had liver problems. They died in their 50’s or 60’s.

Now, though, life has changed. The family’s baby boomers are reaching middle age and beyond and are doing fine.

“I feel good,” says Keller’s great-great-great-grandson Craig Keller. At 45, Mr. Keller says he has no health problems, nor does his 45-year-old wife, Sandy.

The Keller family illustrates what may prove to be one of the most striking shifts in human existence — a change from small, relatively weak and sickly people to humans who are so big and robust that their ancestors seem almost unrecognizable.

Plus we have cable.

I will give the anti-semitic fuck this

"What are you looking at sugar tits?" is pretty funny.

Almost as good as "Would you mind taking your breasts off my hot plate."

Mel part 2

Just a little side question here to follow-up on my initial post about Mel Gibson-showing-his-true-colors-in-a-drunken, anti-semitic-tirade: What the hell is the deal with these people who have millions of dollars, tens of millions, maybe hundreds of millions in Gibson's case, yet still go out and get behind the wheel of a car after drinking?

Why don't these fucktards just get a driver?

Listen, I live in NYC, so I don't have a car - and love not having one. When I go out and happen to drink (which I do occasionally) I'll get a cab home, or jump on a bus or subway with my trusty MetroCard.

But even if didn't live in Manhattan, and was instead in some cow town that lacked reliable, safe, 24-hours a day mass transit, and also didn't have thousands of yellow cabs constantly driving the streets and battling each other to come screeching to a halt when you raise your hand (and I know those of us who live in this city sometimes get spoiled and forget that most places don't actually have this) I'd like to think I wouldn't be so fucking stupid as to drive drunk. ESPECIALLY if I had tons of money to spend on a driver and car.

It doesn't even have to be a stretch limo, for God's sake - just hire a goddamn Lincoln Town Car for the night when you're going out drinking. The 300 bucks that would cost is literally nothing to someone like Gibson, who personally made something like $100 million on his last film. Seriously, it's like you or I buying a 25-cent pack of gum.

I hope he gets what's coming to him. Unfortunately, of course, in our celebrity-worshiping society, he will probably get a slap on the wrist for his civil crime (drunk driving) and make some half-assed apology for his moral crime (anti-semitism) and all will be forgiven. If he can deliver another blockbuster, then Hollywood will make sure he comes out just fine. He may even emerge from this a poor “victim” of his “disease” and get sympathy from some very stupid people.

Busted!

I had to jump on Too Saucy for a rare Saturday post, but this is too delicious to ignore. Mel Gibson apparently has been caught showing his true anti-semitic colors after being pulled over for speeding and DUI.

This guy is the darling of the religious right because of his "Passion of the Christ" movie of a few years ago, but it's long been rumored that he's a closet anti-semite. His father is a member of a far-right religious sect and has been quoted saying some really nasty things about Jews, but Gibson and his defenders always said you can't hold him responsible for the rantings of an old man.

Well it looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

According to TMZ, when Gibson was pulled over, he became belligerent and the arresting officer took him to the station for booking. That's when Gibson went into his tirade:

Once inside the car, a source directly connected with the case says Gibson began banging himself against the seat. The report says Gibson told the deputy, "You mother f****r. I'm going to f*** you." The report also says "Gibson almost continually [sic] threatened me saying he 'owns Malibu' and will spend all of his money to 'get even' with me."

The report says Gibson then launched into a barrage of anti-Semitic statements: "F*****g Jews... The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." Gibson then asked the deputy, "Are you a Jew?"

The deputy became alarmed as Gibson's tirade escalated, and called ahead for a sergeant to meet them when they arrived at the station. When they arrived, a sergeant began videotaping Gibson, who noticed the camera and then said, "What the f*** do you think you're doing?"

A law enforcement source says Gibson then noticed another female sergeant and yelled, "What do you think you're looking at, sugar tits?"

We're told Gibson took two blood alcohol tests, which were videotaped, and continued saying how "f****d" he was and how he was going to "f***" Deputy Mee.

There's already reports that the sheriff's office tried to cover this up, although a spokesman denies there was any whitewashing. I'm assuming the entertainment TV newsmags are going to have a field day with this on Monday. They no doubt already have crews swarming over Gibson and the sheriff. And, hopefully, The Smoking Gun or TMZ will get hold of the full police report.

And maybe now all those "Jews" that the right-wingers say control Hollywood will take notice of this and give Gibson's career what it deserves.

I've always said alcohol has magical powers of clarity. Get someone liquored up and their usual societal inhibitions fall away and you see the real person lurking underneath the polite veneer.

So kudos to Mr. Daniels or Mr. Walker or whoever let us see Gibson for what he really is. A crumb.


UPDATE: Aww, isn't that cute. Mel apologizes. Blames the booze. Of course, as I said, the booze showed what he really thinks deep down about Jews. Look soon for the sympathetic, softball interview with Larry King or Barbara Walters from this piece of shit.

Champagne tastes and caviar dreams

Jesus H. Christ. I just got my American Express bill in for last month.

$3,351.98.

Now, some of it was for a little trip I took to Montreal, so that's an unusual expense. And some is business-related meals and drinks, so those will be reimbursed. But most of it is just my usual wining and dining in this city.

I would say I have to cut back, but fuck it, I enjoy it all too much.

"My limo is a Nielsen household."

Here's a short and brilliant bit from Stephen Colbert's Colbert Report in which he takes a great swipe at the network morning shows after they made some disparaging remarks about his program in the wake of his getting a Congressman to look silly (admittedly not a hard task).

I have to admit, I don't know what these politicians are thinking when they go on the show. They either have no clue what it is (which is their press person's fault for not briefing them) or they think they can outsmart him and somehow look "hip." It usually doesn't work.

But, in this clip, when he puts together a montage of some of the more moronic moments on The Today Show and Good Morning America, you vividly see how ridiculous these so-called "serious news programs" are themselves.

Cleavage is like the sun

You can't stare at it. It's too dangerous. You can only glance then look quickly away.

And in this weather, when the girls in NY are parading around in their little summer clothes, it's tough out there for a pimp.

But seriously, girls, if you are wearing a skimpy top, cut so low your areolas are practically visible, don't give us a dirty look if you catch us checking you out. (Yes, I mean you, obnoxious girl on Third Ave., dressed like Anna Nicole Smith after an all-night bender).

We assume you don't wear a shirt like that to be ignored.

Thank you.

Leave me alone

My zit shrunk to the size of Massapequa today, from yesterday's Cleveland, so I slunk outside for lunch. There's a new little sushi place that's opened around the corner from me that I've been wanting to try, and, in this heat, cold fish was just what was called for.

The place was absolutely empty, which I love. I could eat, read my Daily News in peace, and not have to listen to annoying chatter or screaming kids in the background. The only downside was, and I don't know if it was because it is brand new, or that I was the only customer, or just the usual Japanese level of politeness and customer care, but the waitress was all over me - topping off my water every time I took a sip, pouring my beer into the glass every chance she could get, scurrying in to take away empty dishes immediately.

It was almost as bad as the opposite extreme, where you don't get service for 10 minutes. But, I have to admit, even though it was somewhat annoying, I prefer this way.

And yes, amazing as it is to contemplate, I can complain about too much service.

And I get my braces off on Thursday

What the fuck? Did I wake up today in the movie “Big” transformed back to being a 13-year-old? I have a zit on my face the size of Cleveland. I ain't leaving the Fortress of Solitude today.

PBS Kids' Show Host Fired for Video

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The only surprise at this point would be some competence

Can the media please stop playing along with the Bush regime, breathlessly reporting their latest "surprise visit" to some godforskaen place in the war-ravaged Middle East?

Bush had his "surprise visit" to Baghdad, Donald Rumsfeld had a "surprise visit" to an Army base in Afghanistan, and now Condaleeza Rice has paid a "surprise visit" to Lebanon.

The very fact that they have to sneak into these areas, especially Baghdad, which the U.S. supposedly conquered and made safe for democracy three years ago (remember Mission Accomplished?) shows just how disastarous foreign policy is under these idiots. And the fact that "Condi," as she's so obnoxiously called, is just finally getting around to doing some shuttle diplomacy after the carnage has been underway in Lebanon and Israel for the last few weeks is telling in and of itself.

Say what you will about the odious Henry Kissinger, but that guy worked those foreign trips like a maestro when he was Secretary of State.

And just what the fuck was she smiling about when she got there? The place is on the verge of disintegration and she had a big buck-toothed grin pasted on like she's shoe shopping on Fifth Avenue again. It's a fucking humanitarian tragedy there, nothing to smile about. Jeezus H. Christ.

(Yes, I'm a tad grumpy this morning).

“Would you mind taking your breasts off my hot plate?”

This was unquestionably the take-away line from Monday night's Hell's Kitchen, the new guilty-pleasure reality show I've been watching in recent weeks.

Now, I know how these shows work, so this certainly could have been a plant, but when a rather large-breasted woman, who had waited over an hour for her entree, went up to the kitchen area to complain and harassed chef Gordon Ramsey, the head honcho on the show as he was trying to prepare a dish, his retort to her was classic. In that very English accent of his, when she leaned over the counter separating the kitchen from the dining area and kept interrupting and complaining, he snapped: “Would you mind taking your breasts off my hot plate?”

It certainly looked real when she tossed a serving dish toward him at that point, with her friend giggling nervously in the background, and he called for security. Anyway, I think “Would you mind taking your breasts off my hot plate?” will be my new catch phrase when certain individuals get a little too noodgy. Ahem, cough, Velma, cough.

Must obey...can't resist

There's a Mr. Softee truck parked on Second and playing its jingle (incessantly I may add).

I'm just going to have to take a stroll over there and sample some Frostee goodness.

UPDATE: By the way, did you know that damn song actually has lyrics, as this Times obit of the guy who founded Mr. Softee notes.

What was that strange thing in the sky?

Yowza, it was actually pleasant out there today. With the rain stopped and the oppressive heat and humidity at tolerable levels, it was the first time in a while I've wanted to be outside.

My friend, Lady Voldermort (She Who Must Not Be Named) was even inspired to call and suggest lunch in the Park this afternoon. Now, I have to admit, I'm not a big picnic person. Sitting on the ground and eating while God knows what crawls around you – ugh.

But you know me. Mr. I Never Complain. Mr. Whatever You Want. Mr. I Live to Accommodate. Hah. Once again, how some lucky gal hasn't snatched me up yet, I just don't know.

But it was actually very nice. I brought an amusing little bottle of white zinf, she showed up with a melange of appetizers-to-go from Uptown (quesadillas, dumplings, chicken wings). Beautiful.

I'm not really a big fan of the sun, though, these days. I'm so damnned fair-skinned it doesn't take much to make me burn, and I slathered on the SPF 30.

So between that and the wings, and neither of us thinking to bring wet naps, I felt disgusting after we finished. When I got home, I stood in the shower for literally 45 minutes. I'm not saying I'm like Howard Hughes towards his end, but I do have issues. Oh well, at least I'm clean.

Tropical Storm Pain in My Butt

Yikes - there was a thunder storm this morning in the NYC area that seemed to be timed to hit in the midst of the morning commute and make life soggy for everyone.

And, at about 9:30, there was a series of thunder claps that seemed to go on continously for 5 minutes. No exaggeration. It literally woke me up. And that takes some doing.

I blame Bush, of course. I'm sure there were some evil weather experiments being conducted.

"Dirty Laundry"

Click on the video below and see a couple of minutes of an absolutely amazing appearance by Elizabeth Smart on Nancy Grace's show. Smart is the Utah girl who was kidnapped and then found alive a few years ago. She was on to promote a Sex Offender's Registry bill, which clearly was the only topic she had agreed to speak about. But Grace started doing her unctuous, condescending, oh-so-sympathetic routine, and Elizabeth seriously shoots her down.

It starts with the odious Grace asking a series of the most inane questions/statements (When you knew people were looking for you, how did that make you feel?...Did you want to scream out, Help me?..You were just a little girl, weren't you?), and Elizabeth just responds with monosyllabic answers, almost stunned at the vapidity of the questions.

Then look out for the best visual moment.

Grace asks a seriously stupid question: “You were afraid I assume?”

Elizabeth: “Yah” – and with the tone of her voice, she may as well have said "Dur." Then she looks at someone off camera to the side, and you know she's thinking, “Can you believe this dumb twat?”

She also makes it clear she didn't want to continue to talk about her ordeal of four years ago.

But Grace will not be stopped, and continues asking yet more questions about the kidnapping, and finally Elizabeth snaps: “I really, to be frankly honest, I don't appreciate you bringing all this up.”

Good stuff.

By the way, I always felt sorry for this little girl on multiple levels, not just the kidnapping. When she was found and returned, it seemed like she was being forced to play that damn harp and be part of a “happy” family - and didn't necessarily want to be there. It all seemed sort of creepy. I always thought there was something weird about this case and that family, but, hey, what do I know.

The beer of kings

Is there anything better than walking up First Ave and seeing a previously unvisited bar with a sign out front saying "Beat the Heat - Pints of Stella $2"

No there is not, if I may answer my own question.

I just spent a delightful few hours quaffing delicious yet reasonably priced imported beer and flirting with one of the most adorable bartenders I have ever seen.

Of course the mood was ruined when her thuggish boyfriend showed up at about 4 pm. How some of these cute-as-a-button girls end up with these knuckledraggers, I just don't know.

Sigh

A view from the other side

Molly Ford, a pro-life spokeswoman who was quoted in a post I made Tuesday about a newspaper report that pregnancy centers funded with tax dollars are misleading women seeking information about abortions - telling them that the procedure can cause breast cancer, infertility and deep psychological trauma, even though just about every serious medical study shows that is not the case - sent me a copy of a report put out by her group, Care Net.

Even though the science is overwhelmingly against her group, the report quotes some medical studies and makes the bizarre claim that Henry Waxman (the Democratic congressman who released the study The Washington Post was reporting on) is really just mad that Care Net and other such groups are now competing for federal dollars.

But this section really jumped out at me. Emphasis mine:

"For decades pregnancy centers have sustained waves of attacks from abortion providers and proponent groups who routinely seek to discredit their competition. These groups have tried to limit women from accessing comprehensive information on abortion risks and alternatives, which is provided through the free and confidential services offered by the doctors, nurses, and volunteers at pregnancy centers.

"The latest coordinated string of attacks began late in December 2005 with a report issued by NARAL Pro-Choice Texas entitled Crisis Pregnancy Centers: A Hidden Threat to Women's Health? Since then, the attacks have continued with reports issued by the National Abortion Federation and other groups who are angered that pregnancy centers have begun to compete for federal grants. Since 2001, pregnancy centers have started receiving federal grants to present abstinence-based educational programs in schools, instead of the "safe-sex" programs that abortion groups support."

You know, coming from a movement that literally attacks abortion providers, in some extreme cases shooting and killing doctors and blowing up clinics, at the minimum blockading clinics and harassing women trying to enter for medical procedures, they really should avoid using words like “waves of attack” when they try to tar their opponents.

Molly, I appreciate the info you sent and I will read it, but given the violent history of your side in this never-ending debate, be careful using words like "attack" when you're describing the pro-choice side.

When that show about cutting hair is too exciting for you

There are "reality" shows where the cameras just follow around C-level celebrities. There's some showing the inner workings of hair salons, restaurants - and now a subset of that, a restaurant kitchen. There's one coming up about a newspaper, with The Daily News to be featured on a show to air on Bravo. And now there's one being planned about a goddamn department store. The Times is reporting that there will be a new reality show revealing the inner workings of Macy's:

Set for broadcast in September, “Unwrapping Macy’s” will offer a behind-the-scenes look at how the retailer operates its stores, selects merchandise, creates a catalog and runs events like the annual Thanksgiving Day parade, said Steven Weinstock, one of the producers behind the show.

The show, which is still being edited, will be on WE, the Women’s Entertainment network, whose viewership overlaps with Macy’s customers, executives at Macy’s and WE said. The first of eight 30-minute episodes will appear at 10 p.m. on Sept. 30.

Mr. Weinstock said life at Macy’s was “inherently dramatic,” because of creative conflicts between staff members and the deadline pressure of each passing fashion season.

Remember when TV drama actually meant Martin Sheen as the president, or George Clooney as a doctor? Now it's some salesgirl from Queens chewing gum and gossiping about that bitch in Accessories.

I've got to get in on this reality show gravy train. These people are making money by having cameras follow some schlubs around doing their jobs or even just living their lives. There's money to be made here, folks, and I demand some of it

Nice to see he's got his priorities straight

WASHINGTON, July 19 — President Bush vetoed a bill for the first time today, using his constitutional power to reject legislation passed by Congress that would expand federal research on embryonic stem cells, a step he said would be crossing a “moral line.”

Just lovely. He's been in office for six years (although it seems like 60) and allowed the Republican Congress to pass tax cuts for the wealthy and spending bills up the wazzoo to drive us into deficits, but THIS is the first bill he vetoes.

All so that some goddamn petri dish experiments can't be used for research to help those suffering from Parkinson's, paralysis and God knows what other afflictions.

But as long as the Holy Rollers are kept happy, well, that's the important thing.

On a related note, the House, once again, debated an amendment to ban gay marriage - even though the Senate had already wasted time on it earlier this year and failed to pass it, which meant the House bill would have been meaningless, even if it had passed.

The Middle East is falling apart, but, hey, we gotta keep the religious nuts happy. When Rep. Phil Gingrey (R-Ga.), a leader in the move to pass the amendment, was asked about the House wasting time while the world burns, he said: "This is probably the best message we can give to the Middle East in regards to the trouble we are having over there right now."

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these people?

That's a shame

RALPH REED LOSES GEORGIA PRIMARY RACE was the delightful headline greeting me in The Times this morning.

As Ralph Kramden used to say: har-de-har har.

This sleazy Pat Robertson protege, one of the many right-wing Christian phonies polluting the Republican party, should be behind bars, frankly, but I'm glad just to see him humiliated in a race in which he was expected to breeze to victory.

It seriously couldn't have happened to a scummier person. And hopefully Reed will not be the last Republican shot down by the Jack Abramoff corruption scandal.

I'm in such a good mood, I may even emerge from the cave today and go for a delightful little lunch. Also, it seems to finally be under 100 degrees out there.

I'm just a port in the storm

Or at least an air conditioned cave in a heat wave.

My friend Sarah called me up at 1 am (!) last night. Her a-c wasn't working and she was dying of heat and knew chez jbk was a balmy 70 degrees of air conditioned iceitude. So, yes, she wanted to crash.

So she came over (all sweaty too, eww) and we ended up watching movies. She at first wanted to see Must Love Dogs, but I had to put my foot down. It looks like one of the most sappy of chick flicks ever filmed. I mean come on, anything with John Cusack in love in it is going to be just intolerable. I might as well have castrated myself right then and there to watch that.

So I insisted on Final Analysis, with Richard Gere, Kim Bassinger and a yummy Uma Thurman (playing Kim's younger sister). It's a sort of noir, Hitchcockian thriller, with Gere playing a psychiatrist treating a psychotic Bassinger. A little unrealistic, but not bad.

It was from 1992, so Uma was really at her peak. Damn she is hot. And so tall. She towered over Gere in one scene. A few weeks ago I noted that women's legs tend to be longer than men's, especially in the thigh section. Her legs are just unbelievable.



And Ethan Hawke cheated on that? What an asshole.

Your tax dollars at work

Federally funded "pregnancy resource centers" are incorrectly telling women that abortion results in an increased risk of breast cancer, infertility and deep psychological trauma, a minority congressional report charged yesterday.

The report said that 20 of 23 federally funded centers contacted by staff investigators requesting information about an unintended pregnancy were told false or misleading information about the potential risks of an abortion.

(snip)

Molly Ford said, however, that she agrees with pregnancy counselors who tell women that abortion may increase the risk of breast cancer, infertility and a condition described by antiabortion groups as "post-abortion syndrome."

"We have many studies that show significant medical problems associated with abortion," she said.

Those studies are at odds with mainstream medical opinion. An expert panel of the National Cancer Institute (NCI), for instance, concluded in 2003 that an "abortion is not associated with an increase in breast cancer." The experts said their conclusion was "well established" by the evidence.

- Washington Post

Read the whole article to get a sense of the dishonesty and shamelessness of these people.

And remember how the Republicans were going to restore "honor" to government after Bill Clinton, you know, got that evil bob job?

I guess lying through their teeth - about matters of health no less - doesn't count in that whole restoring honor thing.

Then again, this is the crowd that lies about evolution and denies global warming, and, oh yeah, told us we were going to be greeted as liberators in Iraq. Let's just say telling the truth ain't one of their strong points.

Random thoughts as the continent swelters

* I have a new guilty pleasure. Since I've already admitted, embarassingly, that I watch The Apprentice, which is on hiatus these days, I watched another reality show, Hell's Kitchen, for the first time tonight - and sort of liked it.

It's the same basic premise; a group of contestants trying to win a position, in this case, of chef of a new restaurant that's being constructed in the Red Rock Hotel in Las Vegas. They compete in a restaurant set up right now in, I think, Los Angeles (I just saw one episode so I'm still trying to figure out who's who, and what's going on) under the eyes of a British chef, Gordon Ramsay, who is one of the most foul-mouthed, obnoxious guys you have ever seen on TV. I love it! He's definitely more of an interesting character than Donald Trump.

* I just read that the reason former supermodel Christie Brinkley has separated from her (third) husband is that he was apparently cheating on her with a 19-year-old who was working in his office.

That's shocking that a guy would get involved with a 19-year-old girl. Terrible. Just outrageous.

* What can keep me in from a free meal/drink session in midtown? Temperatures up the wazoo, thank you. I got invited to a little media soiree tonight at Joe Allen's, but I've got the a-c cranked and drinking chilled white wine and could not even contemplate the thought of braving the Times Square area. And Tuesday is supposed to be even hotter than today. I may not leave my apartment until approximately, oh, Thursday.

But she also denies she's fat

From the Washington Post: "Oprah Winfrey and best friend Gayle King address rumors about their close relationship in the August issue of O Magazine, denying they are gay:

"I understand why people think we're gay," Winfrey says. "There isn't a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between women. So I get why people have to label it -- how can you be this close without it being sexual?"

King goes on to say that they would not hide a gay relationship if one existed.

One more mystery solved. No word yet on why Winfrey keeps foisting King on a public that clearly ain't interested."

Global warming? What global warming?

Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick. What is it, about 100 degrees out there?

It is hot. And I had to run out to take care of some business...ok, who am I trying to impress, I took a walk to the liquor store. I was running a little low on vino, and I like to get a case delivered. I buy my grape at Mister Wright on Third, unquestionably the best wine store in Yorkville. I like to mix up a case, so I found a delightful little cab/shiraz blend in the Oxford Landing label (very reasonably priced) and got seven of those, and five of Berringer's Stone Cellars Chardonnay. You just can't go wrong with that.

Anyway, I digress. So on my way there, I saw some poor schlub out on the streets in full business attire. I mean suit, tie, polished shoes, and looking absolutely miserable. I, at least, had the decency to feel a tad guilty as I was in shorts, a tee and boat shoes. But hey, no one forced this guy to become a lawyer. He may be making tons of money, but is he happy! Thank you.

A great man has passed

MYRTLE BEACH, S.C. - Robert Brooks, the chairman of Hooters of America, Inc. who made his fortune selling chicken wings served by scantily clad waitresses, was found dead at his home Sunday, officials said. He was 69.

Boobies all over America are sagging in sorrow.

President Fitty Cent

Lots of chatter about the incident at the G-8 meeting in Russia where an open microphone caught Boy George talking to British Prime Minister Tony Blair, apparently unaware that their conversation was being fed out to the media.

First of all, don't these people know by now that you should always consider a microphone live. Idiots.

And lots of people are laughing, or aghast, that Bush said a mild curse word: “See the irony is that what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it's over," Bush told Blair as he chewed on a buttered roll.”

I could give a fuck that he cursed. What's appalling is the president of the U.S. acting like a trailer park, low-class frat boy.

While he's talking to Blair, Bush is literally cramming a buttered roll in his mouth at the same time. You really have to see it. Real class act there.

None of this should be surprising any more, I guess, but it is still mortifying that this guy represents our country.

And by the way, how is what he's talking about "irony?"

Then he displays some of that world-famous intellect, as he marvels that it will take Russian President Putin as long to fly home to Moscow from Saint Petersburg as it will take Bush to return to Washington: "You eight hours? Me, too. Russia's a big country and you're a big country," Bush said. "Takes him eight hours to fly home. Russia's big and so is China. Yo Blair, what're you doing? Are you leaving."

Yo Blair?

Yo Blair?

Fuh-shizzle.

What a fucking clown.

No wonder King Kong loved it

I just got around to reading the absolutely wonderful collection of stories about the Empire State Building in the City Section of The Times.

There are fascinating little tidbits about it in this article (did you know, for example, that its location was the original site of the old Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, before that iconic NYC building moved to its current location on Park Ave. Or that the hotel, for that matter, was named for dueling cousins of the wealthy Astor family - one of whom was named Waldorf - who built competing hotels next to each other at the 5th Avenue and 34th Street locale, before they made up, merged and moved uptown).

Or that the Empire State Building was the name originally given to a nine-story "skyscraper" built in 1897 at 640 Broadway, at Bleeker Street, and was named for the now-defunct Empire State Bank, on its first flooor.)

And this article paints a wonderful image of the amazing rise of the towering building, which was constructed during the height of the Great Depression:

Every day was controlled mayhem. You started your day at 8 a.m., broke for lunch at noon, and quit at 4:30 when the whistle blew. The racket was ear-splitting: the barking of dozens of rivet guns, the diesel roar of derricks, the bellowing of foremen and the pounding by hundreds of carpenters.

There was no room for error in the tight schedule of deliveries that the contractors had designed. Materials came from all over America and beyond: granite from Midwestern quarries, steel from Pennsylvania mills, marble from Italy. Much of it arrived on the East Side docks, where it was loaded onto flatbeds and hauled across town. Trucks drove directly into the belly of the building, and the material they carried never hit the ground; it was snatched right off the truck beds and hoisted immediately to the floors where it was needed. On each floor, small-gauge rail was built to ferry material to the appropriate work site.

If you worked on the Empire State, you hustled all day long, whether you were a skilled electrician or a water boy or a rivet punk. If you could not handle the pace, there was a line of hungry men that snaked around the block each day waiting for a shot, and the foremen were happy to point them out. The operation was so tight that the steel often arrived still warm from the forges.

Not only was the ESB built in an amazing 13 months, it was constructed without the technology we have today - and without going into overtime! I don't know how those guys did it, but it must have been something to see. Anyway, if you enjoy NYC history, go read some of these articles on the city's most famous building .

Here's one for the ladies

Some have complained that I run too many pictures of various lovelies, like Natalie Portman, here on Too Saucy.

So, here's one just for the female demo. This is truly one of the most bizarre skating performances you'll ever see, especially toward the end. This guy is nuts. But pretty funny too.

Not at all stereotypical

My new favorite site.

Oy.

If I start listening to show tunes, then I've definitely went over to the other team

I wandered around Home Depot for a few hours today looking at bathroom stuff. Wow, do I have fucking expensive tastes. Everything there looked so good. I felt somewhat gay though - not that there's anything wrong with that!

I feel so suburban

You know, once you do a renovation, it's like an addiction. You want more.

The kitchen is done, and now I want to do something with the bathroom, so I'm going to head over to Home Depot to see what they have and get some ideas.

I also told Corky to meet me for lunch at a nice little sushi place in that neighborhood, but she's working in finance now, and told me to - and I quote - "Go kill yourself."

So surly.

I guess that business suit and those heels are uncomfortable.

That's a shame.

Oh God, Why Has Thou Forsaken Me?

Sad news today, folks. And I don't just mean they haven't started impeachment proceedings against the chimp in the White House yet.

Regular commenter Not a Hipster alerted me in another post to the news that despite rumors, apparently Natalie Portman will NOT be doing a nude scene in an upcoming film after all.

Figures. They throw Michael Douglas' bare naked ass out at us in every second movie he's in, but this sublime creature will be staying clothed. Sigh.


Some ask, by the way, what do men see in her? Well, she can look amazingly sultry, yet also amazingly innocent. She looks great in a slinky dress - or a pair of jeans. What versatility!


And those big hazel eyes! Oy.

Thanks for nothing, Hollywood.

Computer tip # 17

Don't eat an Entenmann's chocolate donut while at your computer. Your keyboard won't like it.

I smell sequel

Mice on a plane?

The whistle blower said, "We had to take the chairs off and that's when everybody saw mice running around on the floor and one ran down one of the mechanic's arm."

The plane arrived in Missouri April 30.

The whistleblower explained, "There's feces all along this edge right here. It's throughout the whole aircraft."

The whistle blower said workers found nests in air vents and dead mice in emergency oxygen masks. When mice would get hungry, they ate insulation and chewed through wires.

Thank God there's MUTHAFUCKIN' SNAKES ON A PLANE!

Can they be any dumber?

Just about everyone with working brain cells knows The Onion, the great online satirical "newspaper" (it's also in a print edition here in NYC, and probably some other places). It's hilarious, and one of my favorite things to read.

Unfortunately, some of our pro-life, right-wing friends, er, now how do I say this? Don't Have A Fucking Clue.

From last week, here is a pro-life blogger, quoting an Onion "article" (from 1999 no less) and actually thinking the piece, where a "Caroline Weber" writes an article titled, "I'm Totally Psyched About This Abortion!" is real.

As anyone who isn't dumb as a bag of hammers could tell, it is a typical Onion piece. Maybe lines like this could have even been a clue:

"The funny thing is, I actually have the pro-life movement to thank for this opportunity. If my HMO wouldn't have bowed to their pressure not to cover oral contraceptives, I never would've gotten pregnant in the first place. Then what would I be doing a week from Thursday? I'll tell you what I wouldn't be doing: going to an awesome abortion clinic where I'll be the center of attention from the minute I put my feet up in those stirrups. I wouldn't be looking forward to induced dilation of my cervical opening and suctioning of my uterus, either. And I sure as heck wouldn't get the chance to have a doctor insert a metal instrument into my womb to dislodge tissue from my uterine wall!"


But not this fucktard. He expresses shock and outrage at her piece, but magnanimously concludes: "Miss Weber, you have killed your child, which you admit is a baby/human being, intentionally. That does make you an admitted murderer. I'm not going to "condemn you to hell", I'm going to pray for your forgiveness and for the suffering which you will endure when you realize what you have done. Every baby you see from that moment on is going to wake you up to the realization that you killed your child."

The commenters on the blog quickly put him straight that it's from a site that also includes articles with titles like: "Congress Raises Executive Minimum Wage to $565.15/hr" and "Critics Blast Bush For Not Praying Hard Enough. " They mocked him so much, in fact, that he shut the comments section down, but they are preserved here.

And it's hard to believe they call the Republicans the stupid party, isn't it?

Thunder and lightning...

...cats and dogs out there!

Am I glad I'm not doing an afternoon commute today.

It is a little humid though, so might just be time to fire up the ol' blender and make a few frozen margs and watch my fellow New Yorkers bedraggled and miserable slog their way home.

That's a shame.

The feel-good hit of the year

I'm pretty sure I'm going to be giving this movie two, er, thumbs up.

I LOVE her!

I guess they mature faster over there

The double standard in the American media is astounding sometimes.

There is a horrific story unfolding, where an American soldier (with others at the scene who helped him cover it up) allegedly raped, and then killed a 14-year-old Iraqi girl. You may have vaguely heard something about it, but if you read the American press or listen to the TV news, you may also have been unaware that she was only 14. A young girl.

What's a 14-year-old in the U.S. usually - a 9th grader?

The rest of her family (including a 5-year-old) was killed too and their bodies burned to try to hide what was done, and to blame insurgents. The soldier who raped and shot the girl is up on charges now, and could face the death penalty, and four others are being charged too. Another soldier is charged with failing to report the crime, but not with participating.

But this 14-year-old has repeatedly been called an "Iraqi woman" by the media, or at best, a "young woman."

How the fuck can a 14-year-old be called a woman? She was a kid. An adolescent.

But the right-wing press sure had a field day when Monica Lewinsky was giving Bill Clinton a hummer. She was 22, she was an adult, she voluntarily shared those little Oval Office hijinks with him. Hell, her friends later said she had went to Washington bragging she was going to put her presidential kneepads on. But the media insisted on continually calling her an "intern," and you would hear some of the blowhard commentators saying, "She's no older than my daughter," trying to give the impression she was somehow just a young girl, not 22.

But a 14-year-old Iraqi kid? Well, she's a woman, of course.

By the way, just to be clear, it doesn't matter if she was 14 or 64, rape is pure evil, and this particular incident, if what's charged is accurate, was especially horrendous. I just find it interesting that the American media, which is usually so quick to spotlight the ages of young female victims (remember all those missing teen girls) seems somehow blase about it this time.

Men are from Mars, Women are from the shoe department at Bergdorf's

I love the Gawker Stalker section on Gawker, where people send in sightings of celebrities around town, often with very catty commentary about how the celeb looks. You get a lot of: "He's so much shorter than he seems on TV," or "Wow, is he going bald," or "The girl can put away her food."

And you can always tell if the stalker is female, as in this sighting of a couple of actresses having lunch:

Maura Tierney (Abby from ER) and Judy Reyes (Carla from Scrubs) were eating a late lunch at Sant Ambroseus café in the West Village. They had clearly come from the matinee of their show Some Girl(s), right around the corner on Christopher St. They both looked pretty relaxed, wearing sunglasses and drinking champagne, and I coveted Judy Reyes' purple skirt intensely.

Too cute. I've never seen a male stalker saying: "Saw Tom Hanks today. Wish I had those brown oxfords he was sporting."

Weirdness from Tom and Katie? Nah...

I remember some mocked me when I said maybe Katie Holmes wasn't really even pregnant, maybe those weeks of nonesense were all a big publicity stunt. They did, after all, have access to the world's best make-up and effects artists.

Now TMZ is reporting some strange aspects of the birth:


"First, St. John's Hospital has a policy of filing birth certificates within 10 days of birth. In this case, Suri was born on April 18 but the certificate was not filed until May 8, 20 days later. An official from the hospital told TMZ that the delay occurred because they needed a signature from the parents or a representative of the parents certifying birth, and that person did not come in until May 4. The person who signed is labeled "friend." The signature is not legible.

Also, the "Attendant or Certifier" who signed the certificate -- Anne Heffernan, RNC -- was not in the delivery room and did not see the baby. But a hospital rep tells TMZ that Heffernan is authorized to sign when the doctor is not available. A hospital rep said "normally the doctor signs" but it isn't a requirement."

And by the way. Has anyone seen Tom and Katie and little Suri since all the hoopla? Don't you think these two would be parading her in front of cameras at every opportunity. Hmmm.

I'm just saying...

Bonjour mesdames et messieurs

Hello all. I'm back in the city after a refreshing little weekend jaunt in Montreal.

What a fun town. The weather was delightful, the people were charming, the food was magnifique, and the nightlife wasn't bad. There was also a jazz festival going on and we caught a couple of performances. Tres bon.

It's always good to get home though and use my own bathroom. I hate any bathroom but my own, no matter how nice the hotel. Call me crazy, but what can I say, it's just one of my peccadilloes.

We rode the subway up there at one point, and I have to say, as disgusting as the NYC subway can be some times, it actually is pretty comfortable compared to Montreal's, which isn't air conditioned. I guess they don't really have a lot of steaming hot days up there, but this weekend turned out to be pretty hot (high 80s), and there was no A-C! Can I just say oy (I don't know the French for oy or I would use it. Tres oy?)

Also, my traveling companion noticed something quite interesting. (By the way, I told her I don't use real names on the blog unless anyone specifically says to do so, but she didn't even want me to make up a nickname, ala Corky, as she was sure her boss would somehow know it was her. I told her the odds of her boss reading Too Saucy are slim to nil.

Maybe I should call her Lady Voldemort? Anyway, I digress, She Who Must Not be Named noticed something delicious.

She pointed out that an awful lot of the girls in Montreal – who are quite stunning by the way, with amazing figures, and they dress very, very sultry - tight tops, tight jeans, mini skirts, heels - were incredibly buxom. I mean noticably so.

I don't know if it's a clothing thing (they do wear a lot of low-cut tops) and maybe there is also a lot of push-up bras sold there, or maybe it's surgery. But it was hard to miss.

God bless them.

Now I'm back among the land of the flat. Sigh.

Just kidding, gals. It's good to be home.

Jesus H. Christ

This is happening in Delaware, folks, not Alabamy or Mississippi...

The complaint recounts a raucous crowd that applauded the board's opening prayer and then, when sixth-grader Alexander Dobrich stood up to read a statement, yelled at him "take your yarmulke off!" His statement, read by Samantha, confided "I feel bad when kids in my class call me Jew boy."

According to the unfortunately named Jews on First:

A large Delaware school district promoted Christianity so aggressively that a Jewish family felt it necessary to move to Wilmington, two hours away, because they feared retaliation for filing a lawsuit. The religion (if any) of a second family in the lawsuit is not known, because they're suing as Jane and John Doe; they also fear retaliation. Both families are asking relief from "state-sponsored religion."
The behavior of the Indian River School District board's behavior suggests the families' fears are hardly groundless.

The district spreads over a considerable portion of southeast Delaware. The families' complaint, filed in federal court in February 2005, alleges that the district had created an "environment of religious exclusion" and unconstitutional state-sponsored religion.

Among numerous specific examples in the complaint was what happened at plaintiff Samantha Dobrich's graduation in 2004 from the district's high school. She was the only Jewish student in her graduating class. The complaint relates that local pastor, Jerry Fike, in his invocation, followed requests for "our heavenly Father's" guidance for the graduates with:
I also pray for one specific student, that You be with her and guide her in the path that You have for her. And we ask all these things in Jesus' name.

Read it all here and be afraid for our country.

"I am a sexually aggressive woman - and I like it!"

Hello Saucy-ites. I'm back in the city after a few days at the lovely Jersey shore, and I just watched a silly movie called “Disclosure.” That headline quote is from it, with Demi Moore huskily saying those immortal words.

Yes, another Demi sighting, movie-wise.

It was on one of the movie channels tonight, with a pre-op Demi looking mighty fine. There is one scene where she is attacking Michael Douglas, and her legs are quite prominently displayed. Muscular, toned, shiny. How do they do that? Damn, she looked good in this movie.

And, of course, the ironic thing is, it is about a man being sexually harassed by his female boss, with admitted sex addict Douglas playing the victim. Several years ago at Hurley's, a midtown bar, he was seated at the booth next to mine, with a young Asian woman who was not his wife. Let's just say they did not appear to be there at a business meeting.

Of course, the girl I was with was gawking shamelessly, while I was trying to play it cool so I could get some good info for a Page Six sighting. Sigh.

But that whole aggressive/submissive female thing that Demi was portraying is really fascinating. God bless them.

"The rich fire of the orange sunset gloriously announces the coming night." - Susan S. Florence

After I posted some pix of a rainy night taken by my new toy, the Moto Q, a commenter asked for some shots of sunset from chez jbk. Ok, a couple of days late, but here are a few taken this evening from about 8:00 - 8:45 pm. (And let me tell you, my sunset view has been put to good use over the years, if you know what I mean).