Friday, June 30, 2006

I love when famous people fight

There are some great media feuds going on these days. Of course, The View is melting down, with Star bashing Barbara and Barbara sticking the shiv back in Star.

And then there is always the ongoing Keith Olberman-Bill O'Reilly battle. Olberman calls O'Reilly the Big Giant Head.

Olberman gave Bill and Fox some hilarious digs recently over ratings, which, will still much bigger than Olberman's, are trending down, while Keith's are trending up:

Listen, Slappy, Fox's ratings are lower than they were five years ago.

Billo! 267,000 of your nightly viewers have vanished since last June. Call Fox Security! They're missing!

All eleven of Fox's regular shows' ratings are down, four of them are down by fifteen percent or more.

If John Gibson loses any more audience he won't need a microphone.

And your boss? Jabba the Hut? He's taking out ads threatening to fire his own employees!

Your 'ratings whuppin' stick' is now smaller than your falafel!

Bill, seriously, it's slipping away from you. You don't know what to do. You can't even lie well any more.

Seriously: I understand. It's called panic. Like what happened to you in Scranton. And Hartford. And Boston with that thing with the egg on Zippy the sportscaster's face. And at ABC when Rick Kaplan got you fired.

It's terrifying.

You begin to see the audience dying off, and the creases deepening in your forehead, and the loofahs drying up. You make mistakes, you trust the wrong people, you blame Al Franken, you yell at somebody, you yell at everybody. It feels like the ladder is teetering.

You're tired, you're depressed, you're anxious, you're balding.

Let me give you three words of advice, Billo:

Keep It Up!

Good stuff.


Anonymous said...

He's the best thing on MSNBC. Keith's hilarious!

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