Friday, June 30, 2006

I love when famous people fight

There are some great media feuds going on these days. Of course, The View is melting down, with Star bashing Barbara and Barbara sticking the shiv back in Star.

And then there is always the ongoing Keith Olberman-Bill O'Reilly battle. Olberman calls O'Reilly the Big Giant Head.

Olberman gave Bill and Fox some hilarious digs recently over ratings, which, will still much bigger than Olberman's, are trending down, while Keith's are trending up:

Listen, Slappy, Fox's ratings are lower than they were five years ago.

Billo! 267,000 of your nightly viewers have vanished since last June. Call Fox Security! They're missing!

All eleven of Fox's regular shows' ratings are down, four of them are down by fifteen percent or more.

If John Gibson loses any more audience he won't need a microphone.

And your boss? Jabba the Hut? He's taking out ads threatening to fire his own employees!

Your 'ratings whuppin' stick' is now smaller than your falafel!

Bill, seriously, it's slipping away from you. You don't know what to do. You can't even lie well any more.

Seriously: I understand. It's called panic. Like what happened to you in Scranton. And Hartford. And Boston with that thing with the egg on Zippy the sportscaster's face. And at ABC when Rick Kaplan got you fired.

It's terrifying.

You begin to see the audience dying off, and the creases deepening in your forehead, and the loofahs drying up. You make mistakes, you trust the wrong people, you blame Al Franken, you yell at somebody, you yell at everybody. It feels like the ladder is teetering.

You're tired, you're depressed, you're anxious, you're balding.

Let me give you three words of advice, Billo:

Keep It Up!

Good stuff.

Ahem: cough, cough

As I said, Wednesday, commenting on recent right-wing moves to bash the New York Times....

"'s guaranteed red meat to the right-wingers, who see "liberal bias" in the media, with The Times being ground zero. (And the fact that the paper is owned by a buncha Jews, well that's just a wonderful bonus to rile up the GOP base)."

As Jon Carroll said in The San Francisco Chronicle, Thursday:

"Also, the name of the New York Times contains the word "New York." Many members of the president's base consider "New York" to be a nifty code word for "Jewish." It is very nice for the president to be able to campaign against the Jews without (a) actually saying the word "Jew" and (b) without irritating the Israelis. A number of prominent Zionist groups think the New York Times is insufficiently anti-Palestinian, so they think the New York Times isn't Jewish enough."

Just a little note to some right-wing asshole emailers out there, snarking that I only said what I said because I happen to like Jewish girls: lots of people see through your hate, no matter how you couch your vitriol. Fucktards.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Girls, I'm available to consult

Don't be shy.


I don't know what it is about diners that I find so relaxing. Even though there are always waitresses bustling around, and people constantly coming and going, I can just veg out in one for hours.

I had lunch today at the Barking Dog, on Third. It's a little more upscale - and pricier - than the standard coffee shop, but the food is probably a cut above it too. It has that cute spotted fire hydrant outside, and a little water fountain for people who bring their dogs with them if they sit at the outdoor tables.

I had a mighty tasty turkey on whole wheat and some iced tea, and read the Daily News and got very mellow. Good times.

Now if I can just hook up with Kirsten Dunst when she's in that wet t-shirt

Green Lantern
The Flash
Iron Man
Wonder Woman
You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

My results:

I am Spider-Man

God bless the innocents...and a change of shifts

I really need to start hanging out more with innocent-looking girls.

Or at least always time bar visits to the bartender change-of-shift thing.

Wednesday, I did happy hour at Choice with my bud, Jan Brady. I got there a bit before she got off work and started first. Over the course of the evening, I had five (count 'em) five martinis. Jan, so innocent, had only one.

But, when she came in, she ordered the same watermelon martini I was swilling at that point. (I switched over a few times, sampling the lemon drop (1), watermelon (1) , and chocolate (3) – mmm).

Anyway, our initial bartender went off-duty halfway through this extravaganza, and a new bartender came on. At the end of the night, he brought the bills over, charging two watermelon martinis on her check and none on mine. (Although the bastard did charge me for the other four drinks I had.)

I guess when he saw the list, he figured I couldn't possibly have had five of the six drinks, and, since there were two watermelon martinis, he assumed they both had to be Jan's, since she was sitting there looking very innocent with a martini glass with a little watermelon slice on the edge.

Jan, of course, was indignant that she didn't have two watermelons. So he took one off her bill.

Me, I pretended I didn't know what the hell they were arguing about.

Good times.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

That's a shame

The women on the View are fighting. Apparently Barbara Walters was surprised by Star Jones' on-air announcement that she is leaving/being fired from the show:

Walters said ABC network chiefs had decided last fall not to renew Reynolds' contract because its research showed that Reynolds' dramatic weight loss and 2004 wedding to banker Al Reynolds had turned viewers off. Reynolds had been criticized for a Web site that promoted companies that donated items for the wedding party's gift bags.

"We tried to talk them out of it," Walters said, "and we tried to give Star time to redeem herself in the eyes of the audience, and the research just kept getting worse."

Reynolds' spokesman, Brad Zeifman, said the announcement had always been planned for this week. Because of all the speculation, Reynolds was compelled to tell viewers, he said.

Such a pity Star couldn't handle this with the class she was renowned for.

Then they'll play Boggle

The Republican insistence on wasting time and energy on useless bills continues apace.

What must their caucus meetings be like? "Ok, let's look at our agenda, boys. Debate constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage - check. Constitutional amendment to ban flag burning - check. Plan for Iraq debacle - no. Plan for solving nation's energy crisis - nope. Save New Orleans - nah. We've got to to do something else. Oh, I know. Let's attack The New York Times."

Yes, now the House Republicans are expected to introduce legislation today to condemn The Times for publishing a story exposing secret government monitoring of banking records.

Like the gay marriage and the flag burning silliness, it will go nowhere and mean nothing. But it's guaranteed red meat to the right-wingers, who see "liberal bias" in the media, with The Times being ground zero. (And the fact that the paper is owned by a buncha Jews, well that's just a wonderful bonus to rile up the GOP base).

And after all, isn't that what's important? Isn't that what the nation's legislative body should be doing? Why should they waste time by actually doing the nation's business and trying, you know, to help people. Much better they spend countless hours, not to mention our tax dollars, debating meaningless legislation that solves not one problem facing this country today.


Can't keep em' straight without a program

I just read one of the astute Too Saucy commenters in an earlier post about Rush Limbaugh's recent little kerfuffle bringing Viagra through airport customs (when it wasn't quite prescribed to him), sensibly noting – while I was busy making juvenille “can't-get-it-up” jokes – that it's quite interesting that here is one of the major icons of right-wing, family values, conservative America, here is Mr. Impeach Clinton Now, using Viagra when he's not actually married and, you know, that crowd says sex should only take place within the holy bonds of matrimony.

And, of course, that is a wonderful point.

It is quite fascinating that Rushbo – who has been married and divorced three times!!! - was on a trip to the Dominican Republic, and felt compelled to bring boner pills with him. What is an unmarried fellow doing with pills to help his droopy penis? He shouldn't have to worry about his droopy penis, what, with not being married and all. (Not to mention that the Dominican Republic is infamous for attracting sex tourists seeking underage girls, but, hey, that's a whole other problem).

You know, when he divorced his third wife, who was an usherette at the Kansas City Royals ballpark, back when he was director of promotions for the team – oh wait, my bad - it was actually his second wife he met in KC at the ballpark. He met his third wife – true story – on the Internet. Anyway, when he met her, I'm sure he didn't tell her he would have to take medication to perform his husbandly duties.

It would probably have been as awkward as when he told his first wife, who was his cousin - oh wait, I fucked it up again - it's Rudy Giuliani, whose first wife was his cousin!!! - anyway, it would have been as awkward as that time he told her he was divorcing her as she lay in a hospital bed recovering from cancer surgery.

No, no, no, now wait a minute. Boy, is my face red. I am so getting my Republican divorces mixed up here.

Newt Gingrich, the former Speaker of the House, was the one who served divorce papers to his second wife as she lay in a hospital bed recovering from cancer surgery. This was during the height of the GOP move to impeach Bill Clinton because he got a blow job. Newt, who was spearheading that drive, was having a fling with a young Congressional staffer. He later married the young chippy, who is now proud Newt wife #3.

It was indeed our own Rudy, who divorced his cousin to marry Donna Hanover, and then divorced her when he announced, during a live televised press conference no less, that he was having an affair with his press secretary, Christine Lategano. Oh, wait. Ok, he didn't actually admit to that one, although everyone in City Hall knew about it. But he did indeed divorce Donna, and now, like all good family value conservatives, is on wife number three, Judith Nathan.

Oy - what a bunch.

And the absolutely fucking amazing thing: the right-wing, holy-roller sheep keep falling for their family value shit time after time after time.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Dork Patrol

Just trying out the cam phone aspect of the fabu Q, looking out from the majestic heights of chez jbk on a very dark, cloudy, rainy Tuesday, approximately 11:45 pm.

New name for Viagra-loving Rush Limbaugh

Rush Limpballs.

That didn't take long.

Sign of the apocalypse # 18

Paris Hilton has a CD out, and people are liking it.

In just its fourth week of release, the reggae-dusted "Stars" is already the most requested song at Los Angeles' KIIS-FM, from which it was first leaked on Ryan Seacrest's show, and at New York's Z100, typically the highest-rated pop station in the city. It was the most downloaded song at Yahoo! Music and number six at the Apple iTunes Music Store, putting it ahead of such acts as Rihanna and the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Oy gevalt.

Fat Bastard in trouble again

Rush "To the Buffet" Limbaugh was detained at a Florida airport, coming back from the Dominican Republic, with unauthorized bottles of viagra.

This could mean trouble for his recent deal, skating over drug charges that you or I would have been thrown in the clink for: Under the deal reached last month with prosecutors, Limbaugh was not to be arrested for any infraction for 18 months in exchange for authorities deferring a charge of "doctor shopping." Prosecutors had alleged the conservative talk-show host illegally deceived multiple physicians to receive overlapping painkiller prescriptions.

And now it was viagra. He's not only fat, apparently the right-wing radio hatemonger can't even get it up.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Tethered (by the) balls

I'm so tethered to the grid, it's not even funny.

I just got home a little while ago, after a long weekend in Connecticut, and now I've got gadgets plugged in all over the place and recharging. My camera, my electric razor, and my lovely new Motorola Q smart phone.

Yes, I broke down and got the Q - it has Internet access, email, an MP3 player, camera (still and video) and, oh yeah, a phone.

I actually conducted a few email convos this morning with some unsuspecting folks as I sat dockside at a little place right on the Long Island Sound having a delightful grilled salmon brunch.

Here's a pic from there via the Q - it's only a 1.3 MP camera, so not as good as your standard digi, but I'm still learning the settings, and it was a little cloudy today, so I will do better. That's my promise to you! (Although, the pic does have a sort of Monet quality to it, if I do say so).

Anyway, I digress, the point of this, as I look around at all these gizmos plugged in and greedily mainlining pure Con Ed juice, is it's sort of scary how dependent we are on the power supply. And how quickly we miss it when it goes.

During the blackout that hit the East Coast in 2003, we all had to walk home from work that day as the subways were, of course, out. My cell phone died at about 11 pm, with no way to recharge the battery. And if it wasn't for one of my buds, Jan Brady, who had an extra flashlight - thanks to her girl scout of a mom - I would have been in darkness all night, because God forbid I plan ahead and have one, or even stock some candles.

I don't even want to imagine what this country will be like if power ever goes out for days at a time on large swatches of the land. I'm guessing something like Mad Max quadrupled.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Sign # 26 that I have to be more mature

Waking up with a wrist band still on from an all-you-can-drink open bar thing from the night before.

Update: By the way, someone asked me how much I had if I went to sleep still wearing the wrist band. I'm not sure, but here's how I found my money this morning. There hasn't been that many crumpled dollars in New York since they chased away the transvestite hookers working the Lincoln Tunnel.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

They better not roll over on this one

There has been much chortling in the right-wing ranks about division among Democrats over the disastrous war in Iraq, with politicians and conservative media figures noting the "disarray" amnong Democrats, some who don't want to make any noises about getting U.S. troops out, some wanting an immediate pullout, and some wanting to at least start planning a timeline for withdrawl.

The Senate voted today on two Democratc war measures, defeating both of them.

But, as Sen. Joe Biden (D-Del) said: "There is some disagreement in the Democratic Party," he said. "The Republicans are totally united in a failed policy. Let me say it again: the Republicans are totally united in a failed policy."

Biden is right. It's time for the Democrats to point out that the Republican "plan" is to just blindly go along with Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld, no matter the debacle this unnecessary war has become, no matter how many thousands of U.S. troops are being killed, maimed and wounded, no matter it's making us more vulnerable to terror.

There's already signs that Karl Rove and his minions will be using the war in the midterm election to paint the Dems as somehow weak on defense. The phrase "cut-and-run" has been bandied about lately by Republicans and the hatemongers on talk radio.

The Democrats damn well better start fighting back on this issue. When it comes to gutter politics, the Republicans are masters.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

They really are evil

WASHINGTON - The Republican-controlled Senate refused Wednesday to raise the minimum wage, rejecting an election-year proposal from Democrats for the first increase in nearly a decade.

The vote was 52-46, eight short of the 60 needed.

"I don't think the Republicans get it," said Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, D-Mass., who backed a proposal for a three-step increase in the current wage floor to $7.25 an hour. The federal minimum wage has been fixed at $5.15 an hour since 1997.

It's much more important for them to eliminate the estate tax, which solely affects multibillionaires. Or to pass amendments banning gay marriage or flag burning.

Help the working poor? Ehh, fuck 'em.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Hey Ya, Snoopy

In honor of Snoopy, my beagle who was cruelly mocked yesterday by the cynics on blogspot.

How are those hermetically sealed offices in midtown, suckahs

Another gorgeous day here in the city, hot and sunny, but not so humid.

I just took a break for a very refreshing dip in my building's luxurious pool, and now I'm tempted to make pina coladas, because, you know, it is happy hour somewhere in the world. But, I won't, I'll be good.

Actually, I have some more work to do (outrageous), but then I may head over to Kinsale, an old-fashioned Irish pub on Third, and see if there are any World Cup games on. Those are the best type of bars to watch the games in.

Monday, June 19, 2006


Hard to believe Connie and Maury got canceled...


What a nice story.

I used to have a beagle too, when I was a kid. They are great dogs.

(Although my beagle, Snoopy - original, huh? Hey, I was 7, give me a break - would have just ate the damn phone).

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Weekend movie marathon rants and blahs

It's been a hot, humid weekend in NYC, and so a bunch of movies were watched and dissected in the air-conditioned splendor of chez jbk. It's always hit and miss, my friends, but usually miss. I know that Sweet Baby Jesus is watching, too, and, one of these days, I will find a bud who has the same tastes in movies that I do. But so far it ain't happening. Thanks for nothing, Baby J.

On Saturday, my friend “Velma” came over and we watched The Machinist, Dark Water and Indecent Proposal. And drank lots and lots and lots of Shiraz.

Two “creepy” movies, and one goofy “love being tested” film. First, in The Machinist, which, in all fairness, was my choice, Christian Bale looked incredibly gross and quite frightening. But, the main movie crime: I figured out what was going on in about the first 20 minutes - eh, not so intriguing.

Dark Water: that was a Velma choice. Can we say, oy. Apparently, it is an American remake of a Japanese horror film, or, as the movie buffs say, a J-Horror (yes, they actually say that. Other examples are The Grudge with Buffy's Sarah Michelle Gellar, or The Ring, with Naomi Watts).

It was ok, but, again, sort of predictable. I do like Jennifer Connolly, though, who always rekindles my never-ending dilemma: Irish girls or Jewish girls? Wow, do I like Jewish girls, but Jennifer, with her freckles and cute little upturned nose, and that, mm mmm. I suppose one day I may luck out and meet an Irish Jewish girl. Do they even exist in nature?

Indecent Proposal: well, let's just say when you see Demi Moore in a movie that was shot well before she got the plastic lips and boobs - damn, she was decent looking. But, the happy ending, when she and Woody Harrelson meet each other at the pier, yawn. Interesting concept though.

Then, on Sunday, my bud Sarah took me out to a well-deserved dinner at Sala Thai on Second (love that tom kah gai coconut milk soup, by the way!) and then we retired to chez jbk to watch Notting Hill and The Woodsman. Quite a dichotomy, huh?

Ok, Notting Hill. I'd actually (embarrassingly) seen this one before (no doubt under pressure from another gal), and yet I couldn't even remember most of it, it was so unmemorable, seeing it a second time around. When Julia Roberts gushes: I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy telling him I love him (or something like that) - ugh. One of the reasons this movie was so successful, I think, was it apparently gave the audience some sort of bizarre hope that, even in their drab, empty little lives, they could have a chance with a world-famous, Julia Roberts-level movie star. Uh, yeah. Sure.

People, I've met movie stars. Trust me – it ain't happening.

Then, when you remember that Hugh Grant - and his patented, stammering, blinking, befuddled guy - in real life threw aside Elizabeth Hurley, one of the six most beautiful women in the world, for a street whore he picked up on Hollywood Boulevard, well, just think about that, you star-struck gals.

Finally, we watched The Woodsman, with Kevin Bacon, who is
actually one of my fav actors. Damn, he is creepy and melancholy in this. And with real-life wife Kyra Sedgewick, with her wavy, curly blonde hair, and that Julia Roberts mouth - except it's real - playing the woman who saves him, well this was the one I liked best out of the 327 or so movies I watched this weekend.

It was also a Sarah pick, so I let her claim “Best Movie of the Weekend” bragging rights. Bitch. And now she's passed out on my couch from too many Thai beers and pinot grigios. I'm going to go paint cat whiskers on her face just to punish her.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Weekend household tip # 14

When concoting homemade Bloody Mary's for a cloudy Saturday afternoon happy hour, you really have to add tabasco sauce to bottle mixes like Mr. Boston. By itself, it just doesn't cut it.

Thank you.

Friday, June 16, 2006

The things you learn in bars

Did you know women have longer legs than men? I'm not talking about 6' supermodels, just in general (and obviously not in every case), if a man and a woman are the same height, apparently, the woman will have longer legs.

This was discovered last night when I went out for drinks with my friend, Sarah, and we were at Fetch on Third Ave., and both of us, lazily, tipsily, had our legs propped up with our knees resting against the bar, and she noticed that her kneecaps were higher than mine, even though she's about 3 inches shorter.

I defensively told her she was a freak of course, but, according to the Internet - so you know it must be true - women have longer legs in relation to their body than men do: Women tend to have relatively longer legs in comparison with their height than men, with the thigh often accounting for a greater percentage of leg length.

It's official, I think I'm switching from boobs; I'm now a leg man.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Can we put them in charge of FEMA?

Sometimes Amazon is amazing.

My printer was starting to die on me, so yesterday I was looking for a new one, and saw a nice HP multi-purpose on Amazon for $149. It's pretty cool, a color printer-copier-fax-scanner all in one. I can open my own little Kinko's here. (Except, I'll call it Kinky's of course - hey, you've been a great audience).

Anyway, my doorman buzzed me a little while ago. The UPS guy had just dropped it off.

And the amazing thing is, I ordered it with the supersaver free delivery option. No delivery charge, and they said it would arrive around June 20. There actually is an expedited shipping option, 2-4 days delivery for $15. If I had ordered that, it probably wouldn't have got here for at least two days - instead, it came overnight for free.

I just checked the UPS tracking thing on the Net. It was picked up from HP in Secaucus, NJ, last night at 9 pm. Left UPS Secaucus at 2 am, arrived at UPS in The Bronx at 3 am. Left The Bronx for delivery this morning at 5 am, and arrived at chez jbk an hour ago. Pretty cool.

By the way, if anyone from Amazon is reading this, don't get too puffed up. I've had a Louis Armstrong box set on order since May 12. The damn thing still hasn't been shipped.

But kudos on the printer delivery.

Elections have consequences

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Supreme Court ruled Thursday that police can use evidence collected with a warrant even if officers fail to knock before rushing into a home.

Justice Samuel Alito broke a 4-4 tie in siding with Detroit police, who called out their presence at a man's door then went inside three seconds to five seconds later.

Just wait till he gets his hands on an abortion rights case.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Turning the corner, yet again?

I love how the White House and its apologists are trumpeting Bush's surprise visit to Iraq as some sort of great sign that progress has been made in that wreck of a country.

When you look at the way the visit went down, though, it puts in stark terms how insecure Iraq has become since the U.S. invaded to topple Sadaam.

Unlike every other presidential visit to another nation, it was done in utmost secrecy. The President of the U.S. had to sneak into town like a wanted man. The public and press weren't notified the visit was going to happen, hell the president of Iraq didn't know until five minutes beforehand that Bush was in Baghdad. The people on the trip were outfitted in bulletproof vests, flak jackets, helmets, and never ventured from a heavily secured military base once they landed. And the visit lasted all of five hours before they scurried out of town on Air Force One.

Iraq has devolved into a revolutionary state, with sectarian violence killing thousands. Almost 2,500 Americans have been killed, tens of thousands more wounded, and Iran is pulling the strings on swatches of the country as it makes its own move to develop a nuclear bomb. The Iraqi people have less electricity and clean water now than they did before the war. Women, who, unique in that part of the world, had prominent places in Iraqi culture and government under Sadaam, are now being harassed by Islamic religious police eager to see them basically enslaved like women in places like Saudi Arabia, Iran and Afghanistan.

Oh yeah, things are going great over there. Heckuva job, Bushie.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

People are annoying: part 17

Who are these clowns who text message as they walk down the street? I just came in from running some errands around the neighborhood and three times almost got blindsided by some idiot texting as he was walking, because, you know, there will hardly be any other people on the sidewalks in New York, so why bother watching where you're going.

Speaking of which, I just saw a guy who was so busy yapping on his phone as he crossed Third Avenue that he was oblivious to the fact that the lights had changed and cars were speeding toward him from a block away. A car had to slam on the brakes and screech to a halt just inches from him. And this asshole just sort of laughed then calmly continued on his way. Trust me, it would have been no great loss to the human gene pool if this fucktard had met the business end of that Chevy, but he was walking a beautiful dog that gave out a howl when he jerked its leash to keep it from being crushed by the car.

And, since I'm being grumpy today, when did the memo come down that three out of four girls walking around Yorkville now have to wear those sparkly ballet slipper things? Did I miss the New York Times fashion magazine feature saying that's the hot look for Spring?

Ahh, I remember the good old days when girls would suffer through three-inch spiky heels to look sexy. Now they go for comfort. Prima donnas.

Monday, June 12, 2006

On the other hand, they weren't playing any Bon Jovi

Well, I'm definitely back in Manhattan. I had lunch with a friend in midtown, and Heineken's were $7 each. In Jersey, they were only four bucks.

But, I only saw one guy wearing a gold chain today, and I think he was a pimp, so all is back to normal now.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

I'm in love with a Jersey girl...

Greetings from the Garden State in this, the first on-location Too Saucy posting. I'm in fabulous Bradley Beach (just a little bit away from Asbury Park), getting some sea air, and enjoying the Jersey Shore, which, as much as I sometimes mock this wacky state, I really do enjoy. My ex has a house here, I'm checking my email, and figured I'd jump on Blogspot for a minute and say hello to my many tens of readers.

Of course, I'm wearing three gold chains, driving a Trans-Am, and have Gotti-level gel in my hair. But it should all be gone by the time I get back to the city, Monday.

On Saturday, I went to a buddy's wedding in Summit, and it was a lot of fun. And, yes, as the title of this post suggested, I got moony-eyed over the most adorable girl. But, of course, I will never see her again. That's just the way my luck works. I'm not allowed to have happiness. Thanks for nothing, Baby Jesus!

She lives in Salem, N.J., which is quite a haul from the city, and I'm not one for long-distance romances. Oh, and, also, she was with her boyfriend. Yeah. But, let me just say, she was flirting up a storm with moi.

Anyway, the night was fun. I got to see a bunch of former co-workers, drank too many Jack & Cokes, and the groom (my bud) and his now wife, put on a good wedding.

But is there some sort of law that the dinner options at weddings must always be chicken, salmon or chateaubriand? (I went with the chateaubriand - sorry vegans).

By the way, now I know how girls feel when they complain about their feet killing them. I tend to wear boat shoes just about every day. They go with khakis, shorts, jeans, anything casual, and are incredibly comfortable. But, obviously, I had on a suit and a pair of real shoes at the wedding, and now my pampered feet are feeling the pain today. Oy.

Sometimes, Jersey really does lend itself to the stereotypes, though. In the wall of the elevator at the Grand Summit Hotel, there was a little TV monitor, and Frank Sinatra TV specials from the 1960s were constantly playing. (Sort of fun, actually). Then, when I left and went to the Summit train station, I had about 45 minutes to kill before the train arrived, so I went into a little bar across the street, and Bon Jovi played the entire goddamn time. I suppose it's inevitable that tonight I will hear Springsteen when we go out.

It's strange spending a night with an ex, by the way. We've already argued about four times this afternoon, so we both know why we are exes. But, it does have its fringe benefits, if you know what I mean. And I know you do. Ok, I'm off to shower and then I'm taking her out for a lobster dinner. I think a hotel room might have been cheaper.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Random thoughts for a Friday afternoon

Is there anything better than spending a lazy Friday afternoon at an Irish bar on the Upper East Side, eating fish & chips, drinking Guinness and watching the World Cup? Also, there seem to be a lot of people in New York who can take an afternoon off to sit in a bar. Like me. Lazy bastards.

On my way to the bar, I saw an electric wheelchair in a garbage pile on the side of E. 89th Street. When you walk down the streets of this city, you see everything being discarded - computers, TVs, dead bodies - but there was something weird about seeing a wheelchair there. I don't know if the person using it had simply upgraded to a better model or had died. But it was very forlorn looking.

I'm spending Saturday night in - gasp - the Garden State. One of my friends is getting married tomorrow and I am staying over at the lovely Grand Summit Hotel in Summit, N.J. Oy. Wish me luck. If I come back with big poofy hair and long fingernails, you will know I have been absorbed, like Picard when he was captured by the Borg in Star Trek: The Next Generation.

My favorite billionaire

The Times has a fun editorial today on Mayor Bloomberg. It notes he has been speaking out lately on a host of issues that go beyond New York, including some great ones:

On gun-control legislation on Capitol Hill: "God-awful."

On so-called intelligent design theory: "Creationism by another name."

On politicians who "equivocate," or parse their position on a woman's right to choose an abortion: "On this issue, you are either with us or you're not. Period. You can't have it both ways."

On illegal immigration: "We're not going to deport 12 million people, so let's stop this fiction."

On stem cell research, the mayor punctuated his support with a $100 million donation for projects at Johns Hopkins University.

Sometimes, he does things that annoy me (like his refusal to deal with the Transit Workers union that led to a strike last year right around Christmas time), but usually he's on the ball. And, of course, let's remember one of his greatest accomplishments - ramming through the ban on smoking in bars. For that alone he has my undying gratitude.

Bloomie is sort of a Republican, but, as the Times notes, he is a Democrat-turned-Republican, who took the label just so he could get that party's nomination, which he wouldn't have been able to get in the candidate-rich Democratic party. He's my favorite type of Republican, a RINO (Repub. in Name Only).

He says he has no eye on higher office and won't be running for President, and, of course, as a gay-friendly, gun-control-friendly, abortion-rights-friendly candidate, he has absolutely no shot in getting the GOP nomination anyway. Not to mention, he's Jewish. That don't play too well down in places like Alabammy, don't you know.

But kudos to Bloomie. (And his cute billionaire daughter).

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Good for Hillary!

Hillary Clinton has blasted right-wing hatemonger Ann Coulter, who recently mocked 9-11 widows:

In a new book, "Godless: The Church of Liberalism," Ms. Coulter accuses the women — who pushed the Bush White House to create a commission to investigate the government's failures before the 9/11 attacks — of being "self-obsessed" and acting "as if the terrorist attacks happened only to them."

"I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much," Ms. Coulter writes, according to The Associated Press.

"And by the way, how do we know their husbands weren't planning to divorce these harpies? Now that their shelf life is dwindling, they better hurry up and appear in Playboy," The Daily News quoted the book as saying.


Mrs. Clinton, who has been a target of Ms. Coulter's through the years, responded sharply when asked by reporters for her reaction to the author's views. "I know a lot of the widows and family members who lost loved ones on 9/11," she said. "They never wanted to be a member of a group that is defined by the tragedy of what happened."

Mrs. Clinton went on to say that she thought it was "unimaginable that anyone in the public eye could launch a vicious, mean-spirited attack on people whom I've known over the last four and a half years to be concerned deeply about the safety and security of our country.

Like crabs, they will be back

Even though the Senate voted down the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage (the House is still to vote on it), this issue isn't going away. Not, reports The Times, as long as the Republicans have any power:

Though some Republicans have suggested that the Senate would be better served politically by focusing on issues that voters see as more pressing, the author of the amendment said he did not see it that way.

"If it's up to me," that senator, Wayne Allard of Colorado, said, "we'll have a vote on this issue every year. I think it's important to the American people."

And while Iraq continues to fester, gas prices are sky high, 45 million Americans don't have health care, and New Orleans remains a disaster zone, the GOP is busily working on other presing issues, such as a constitutional amendment to ban flag burning. Truly disgusting.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Nice to see we have our priorities straight

A media friend emailed me this picture on Sunday and I barely glanced at it. Now, apparently, people are battling over pictures of Angelina and Brad and the baby? Oy. By the way, it's pretty clear to see who wears the pants in that family. What's up with these men?

Has she finally went too far?

The widows involved are obviously as repulsed as I was yesterday about Ann Coulter's disgusting remarks cruelly disparaging women who had lost their husbands on 9-11 and were daring to question the Bush regime:

The four women, Kristen Breitweiser, Patty Casazza, Mindy Kleinberg and Lorie Van Auken, declined to discuss the book in detail but issued a statement saying they had been slandered.

"There was no joy in watching men that we loved burn alive. There was no happiness in telling our children that their fathers were never coming home again," said the statement signed by the four, along with a fifth woman, Monica Gabrielle.

The four women, who live in or around East Brunswick, New Jersey, became friends after September 11 and formed a group that agitated for the investigation. "Our only motivation ever was to make our nation safer," they said.

The sick thing is, I know people who actually like and admire this dumb twat, Coulter. Ugh.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Can these people stoop any lower?

Every time I think conservative Republicans can't get any scummier, I'm quickly disavowed of that notion.

Ann Coulter, truly one of the slimiest right-wingers out there, is pushing a new book, and in it she bashes 9-11 widows who have dared been critical of Bush. Coulter, an anorexic fantasy whore for conservatives who actually consider her attractive, says the widows are somehow trying to capitalize on their husbands' deaths.

She says of them: "These broads are millionaires stalked by grief-parrazies...I have never seen people enjoying their husband's deaths so much."

Coulter also, of course, bashes Democrats, who she claims use 9-11 or family members of fallen troops so that no one dare question them.

As Salon points out, of course, this is a bit bizarre coming from a women in a party which is expert at using troops and 9-11 family members as props, whether its Bush watching the Flight 93 movie with teary family members of passengers who died that day, or inviting the father of a fallen solider to throw out the first pitch at a ball game with him, or when the whole damn party held their 2004 convention within walking distance of Ground Zero.

Even Matt Lauer was stunned at this skank's classlessness when she went on The Today Show to push her fucking book:

Coulter: This is the left's doctrine of infallibility. If they have a point to make about the 9/11 Commission, about how to fight the war on terrorism, how about sending in somebody we are allowed to respond to. No. No. No. We have to respond to someone who had a family member die. Because then if we respond, oh you are questioning their authenticity.

Lauer: So grieve but grieve quietly?

Coulter: No, the story is an attack on the nation. That requires a foreign policy response.

Lauer: By the way, they also criticized the Clinton administration.

Coulter: Not the ones I am talking about. No, no, no.

Lauer: Yeah they have.

Coulter: Oh no, no, no, no, no. They were cutting commercials for Kerry. They were using their grief to make a political point while preventing anyone from responding.

Lauer: So if you lose a husband, you no longer have the right to have a political point of view?

Coulter: No, but don't use the fact that you lost a husband as the basis for being able to talk about, while preventing people from responding. Let Matt Lauer make the point. Let Bill Clinton make the point. Don't put up someone I am not allowed to respond to without questioning the authenticity of their grief.

Lauer: Well apparently you are allowed to respond to them.

Coulter: Yeah, I did.

Lauer: So, in other words.

Coulter: That is the point of liberal infallibility. Of putting up Cindy Sheehan, of putting out these widows, of putting out Joe Wilson. No, no, no. You can't respond. It's their doctrine of infallibility. Have someone else make the argument then.

Lauer: What I'm saying is, I don't think they have ever told you, you can't respond.

Coulter: Look, you are getting testy with me.

Lauer: No. I think it's a dramatic statement: "These broads are millionaires stalked by grief-parrazies"? "I have never seen people enjoying their husband's deaths so much."

Coulter: Yes, they are all over the news.

I saw this twat once at a martini bar I frequent on the Upper East Side. I wanted to throw a lemon drop martini in her repulsive face, but didn't. Sigh.


Don't do anything too satanic today.

Thank you.

Now THIS is what you call acting

I always thought Bill Shatner of Star Trek fame was a bit of a ham, and, in fact, he is sort of notorious in Hollywood for overacting. But this is really something to see. It's from a 1978 science fiction award show. As far as I can figure, the guy who introduces him at the beginning is Bernie Taupin, the lyricist who collaborated with Elton John on many of his biggest early hits, including this infamous Shatner rendition of “Rocket Man.” The best part is when the multiple Shatners appear and start interacting with each other. Good times. You may want some wine with this cheese.

“Oh yeah, that's the good stuff”

And if you watched Shatner sink his teeth into "Rocket Man," in the previous post, you have to see the Family Guy version, done by Stewie Griffin almost 30 years later.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Skunk alert

Bush just gave his little speech calling for a consitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. (I tuned into Fox to see if Shepard Smith was anchoring because he would have an, er, interesting perspective on the issue, if you know what I mean. But alas, he wasn't on the air).

Anyway, during the speech they kept cutting to shots of the audience as he spoke. You never saw such a smug, holier-than-thou group of assholes in your life. Bush really is a despicable man to be pandering to these people.

Why does it happen right at this crucial time in our history?

Blogger has been having some problems today and people are sending me angry emails saying they have been finding it hard to post comments. The site, which, let's remember is free for you and me, so cut them some slack, says they are working on the issue and it will be resolved soon. Because I know you all want to comment on such burning issues as Iraq, the gay marriage amendment, and, of course, most importantly, Jennifer and Vince and is he good enough for her.


There's an interesting article in The Times about Jennifer Aniston's career and the opportunities she has squandered, appearing in several bombs instead of becoming a respected film actress, which she was on the verge of doing. It includes this note in a discussion about her infamous split with Brad Pitt and supposed relationship now with Vince Vaughn:

The relationship with Mr. Vaughn itself may have cost Ms. Aniston sympathy. In terms of her image it doesn't even matter if that relationship exists; the public believes it does. And while replacing Mr. Pitt with a new trophy guy would have seemed like vindication for the wounded princess, instead she has reached beneath her on the celebrity food chain. Mr. Vaughn seems smarter than his on-screen persona, and his mega-hit "Wedding Crashers" gave him some Hollywood clout. Still, nobody says, How did she get him? Just the opposite.

I have to admit, I did think that too

Jesus H. Christ

They don't even try to be subtle about it in Texas.

SAN ANTONIO – Lt. Col. Brian Birdwell offered a greeting to delegates to the Republican convention. "It's great to be back in the holy land," the Fort Worth native said to the cheers of the party faithful. For the 4,500 delegates at last week's biennial gathering, it was both an expression of conservative philosophy and religious faith, a melding of church and state.

At Saturday morning's prayer meeting, party leader Tina Benkiser assured them that God was watching over the two-day confab.

"He is the chairman of this party," she said against a backdrop of flags and a GOP seal with its red, white and blue logo.

The party platform, adopted Saturday, declares "America is a Christian nation" and affirms that "God is undeniable in our history and is vital to our freedom."

"We pledge to exert our influence toward a return to the original intent of the First Amendment and dispel the myth of the separation of church and state," it says.

Well, I'm sure aethists, Jews and Democrats feel even more comfortable down in the Lone Star State than they usually do.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

And the fourth toe on her left foot is too short

“This is why you're single!”

Those lovely words from my alleged friend Velma rang in my ears over the weekend, and she may just have a point, damn her.

The weather was shitty all weekend in the city, so on Saturday night she came over and we watched movies, one of which was “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” on Cinemax.

It stars, of course, Angelina Jolie, who, let's face it, is probably one of the ten most gorgeous women on the face of the Earth. That body, those lips - Shain vi di zibben velten.

Anyway, there's a scene in the middle of the movie where she's drinking a cup of coffee, and I don't know if it was the camera angle, or the lighting on the set, whatever, but in the shot you could see her entire arm, and I suddenly noticed she has some of the most protruding veins I have ever seen. I mean enormous!

So I instinctively said: yuch, disgusting.

To which Velma made the aforementioned comment, pointing out how I seem to almost look for fault, no matter how beautiful a woman is. To further twist in the knife, she said it reminded her of the Seinfeld show, where Jerry would go out with a bevy of beautiful women, a different one just about every week, but end up breaking up with them over silly things.

Of course that ploy got him a quarter of a billion dollars in real life, so what the hell.

Anyway, I know there is a perfect woman out there for me, and damn it, I will find her. Just as long as she doesn't have frighteningly humongous veins.

One more reason to hate him

So Bush and the GOP are ginning up concern yet again about gay marriage, with Boy George calling for a Constitutional amendment that would ban all those gay marriages that are, you know, sweeping the nation.

It is, of course, a cheap political ploy to get the right-wing religious nuts all excited for the November midterm elections, which are not looking good for the GOP.

The really disgusting thing is, Bush probably doesn't even care about the issue. He is exploiting it solely for political purposes.

It's sad enough that some people do feel threatened at the thought of gay folks marrying. But these are individuals, either so indoctrinated by their religion, or simply just filled with hate, that causes them to genuinely feel that gay marriage is somehow evil.

It's even worse when the issue is used for cheap political reasons, as red meat for the right-wingers.

One of his old friends told NEWSWEEK that same-sex marriage barely registers on the president's moral radar. "I think it was purely political. I don't think he gives a s--t about it. He never talks about this stuff," said the friend, who requested anonymity to discuss his private conversations with Bush. White House aides, who also declined to be identified, insist that the president does care about banning gay marriage.

Bush really is a sad, disgusting little empty suit of a man.

Friday, June 02, 2006

What gave me away? Dropping the F bombs, the gratuitious Bush insults?

To answer some of my nosier correspondents, yes, I was in a pissy mood this morning.

So, I'm off to treat myself to a lovely lunch, with perhaps a few accompanying glasses of vino, and to read The Daily News and relax.

Thank you.

As long as East Bumfuck, Nebraska gets some money...

New York has no national monuments or icons, according to the Department of Homeland Security form obtained by ABC News. That was a key factor used to determine that New York City should have its anti-terror funds slashed by 40 percent--from $207.5 million in 2005 to $124.4 million in 2006.

"All I can tell you is if you look at their worksheets, and it says that New York City doesn't have any high visibility national icons ... I mean, I don't have to list the Brooklyn Bridge, the United Nations, Rockefeller Center, the Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building and the Stock Exchange," New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg said in response to ABC News' questions.

The formula did not consider as landmarks or icons: The Empire State Building, The United Nations, The Statue of Liberty and others found on several terror target hit lists. It also left off notable landmarks, such as the New York Public Library, Times Square, City Hall and at least three of the nation's most renowned museums: The Guggenheim, The Metropolitan and The Museum of Natural History.

And that tsunami thing, that was a hoot too

Anytime I think maybe I'm too hard on Bush, that he surely can't be as stupid and callous as I make him out to be here, something comes along that makes me realize – No, he really is a fucking idiot.

The DU site found a 2003 interview Boy George and his zombie of a wife gave to right-wing hack Peggy Noonan in Ladies Home Journal.

The insensitivity, the sheer banality of these two, is astounding to behold. Because, on the night of 9-11, as the foot of this island was still smoldering, 3,000 souls lay buried under burning rubble, and the country was in a state of shock, the Bushes, bless their hearts, found something to laugh at.

Read this on an empty stomach:

Noonan: You were separated on September 11th. What was it like when you saw each other again?

Laura Bush: Well, we just hugged. I think there was a certain amount of security in being with each other than being apart.

George W. Bush: But the day ended on a relatively humorous note. The agents said, “you’ll be sleeping downstairs. Washington’s still a dangerous place.” And I said no, I can’t sleep down there, the bed didn’t look comfortable. I was really tired, Laura was tired, we like our own bed. We like our own routine. You know, kind of a nester. I knew I had to deal with the issue the next day and provide strength and comfort to the country, and so I needed rest in order to be mentally prepared. So I told the agent we’re going upstairs, and he reluctantly said okay. Laura wears contacts, and she was sound asleep. Barney was there. And the agent comes running up and says, “We’re under attack. We need you downstairs,” and so there we go. I’m in my running shorts and my T-shirt, and I’m barefooted. Got the dog in one hand, Laura had a cat, I’m holding Laura —

Laura Bush: I don’t have my contacts in , and I’m in my fuzzy house slippers —

George W. Bush: And this guy’s out of breath, and we’re heading straight down to the basement because there’s an incoming unidentified airplane, which is coming toward the White House. Then the guy says it’s a friendly airplane. And we hustle all the way back up stairs and go to bed.

Laura Bush: And we just lay there thinking about the way we must have looked.

Noonan: So the day starts in tragedy and ends in Marx Brothers.

George W. Bush: That’s right — we got a laugh out of it.

What a fucking piece of work.

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