I like New York in June..how about you?

Is there anything better than Central Park on a sunny Spring day?

I treated myself to lunch at the Central Park Boat House today. It's way overpriced, but you can't beat those surroundings.

Then, I wandered over to the model boat pond to let my food digest after my hectic morning.

And, as usual, my friends never fail to delight when I cruelly rub it in. Corky sullenly texted back “I'm in a suit” when I sent her a cam phone pic from the water's edge.

Yes, Corky is now working for one of the big brokerage houses.

Bush appointed a new Treasury Secretary and Corky is on Wall Street. You just know the economy is going to turn around any minute now.

Do you want to hear the good news first, or the bad news?

The good news, your missing kid has been found alive.

The bad news, you've got to speak to Nancy Grace about it.

A producer of Nancy Grace's show on Headline News informed a Colorado woman that her missing child had been found alive. Then she had to speak to Grace on the air about it.

GRACE: To Mary Thompson. This is little Evan's mother. When were you told he was found?

THOMPSON: I was here at the studio. Naomi from CNN, she called me.

GRACE: Naomi from Headline News, our Naomi.

THOMPSON: Yes.

GRACE: So you heard from our show that your son had been found?

THOMPSON: Yes, ma'am.

You know, I don't exactly have maternal instincts, but, jeez, I might be willing to let the kid remain missing if that's the price I'd have to pay.

A place, a state of mind...a refreshing drink

Ahh, Cape Cod, Memorial Day Weekend. An incredibly relaxing and drunken time was had by all. Not to mention lots of sea food consumed, and a little bit of sun burn - ouch.

Did you know Memorial Day, the fourth Monday in May, is the first federal holiday in the U.S. after President's Day comes along in February? A gap of three long months.

It's no wonder the Europeans, who have six-week summer vacations annually, not to mention lots of individual holidays sprinkled thoughout the calendar year, think Americans are crazy. Or indentured servants to our corporate overlords. Which is basically about right.

He giveth and He taketh

Sometimes the universe just balances out. Two celebrity sightings last night, one delicious, one frightening.

I had dinner at Koi, a trendy L.A. import, very good Japanese. But slightly marred when alleged magician David Blaine showed up.

But later in the evening, at Choice, a new place on 3rd and 27th (owned by the same folks who do the great martini bar, Uptown) was none other than the blazing hot Jordana Brewster, who I've kvelled over on this blog before. She is stunning.



It's also fleet week in town, so lots of sailors all over the city, much to my female friends' delight. Corky danced on a bar with some. Just doing her part for the boys in uniform.

Oh yeah, and that weapons of mass destruction thing, we were wrong about that too

I love the bizzare corrections that news organizations sometimes run. This was in The Times:

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- In a May 18 story about the season finale of ''The O.C.,'' The Associated Press erroneously reported that two of the show's characters were accepted by the same college. Seth was accepted by the Rhode Island School of Design, and Summer by Brown; both schools are in Providence, R.I.

Light at the end of the tunnel?

Our long national nightmare may finally be over. No, not the Bush presidency and the war in Iraq. That's going to be around for a while, I'm afraid.

I'm talking about something even more soul draining: the kitchen renovation from hell – oy! (TM).

The cabinets went in two weeks ago, the new appliances came last week, and the floor is being done today. I'm going to wait a while to do the counter top, because, frankly, I just don't have the energy to deal with it. I seriously don't know how people have the patience to renovate an entire suburban house. I'm exhausted just from my little Manhattan kitchen, and, needless to say, I didn't even personally pick up a goddamn hammer the entire time.

Actually, my friends may be even happier about this than I am. First, they won't have to hear me bitch about this project any more. And, second, I have just placed an order for yummy Omaha steaks, as I had let my freezer get depleted in preparation for the appliance switch over. Soon, a select few of the carnivorous and greedy will be individually invited over (I don't do dinner parties well) for a delightful home-cooked filet mignon - if they play their cards right.

And sorry, Veganerd and all you other vegans out there – I know I'm being incredibly weak and hypocritical when it comes to my animal-loving, yet red meat-eating ways. I'm trying to work on it. This is my last Omaha order.

Er, probably.

Thank you.

Now if she can only talk to W. about Iraq

Is there trouble in TomKat paradise? Jeannette Walls on MSNBC says yes:

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes reportedly got into a big fight — that ended with Holmes deciding to take baby Suri to Ohio to introduce the infant to family and friends. Tom, who is rumored to have a rocky relationship with Holmes’ parents, won’t be joining them, according to Life & Style Weekly.

(snip)

The episode, however, may be giving Holmes second thoughts. A “confidant” of hers told the mag: “Katie’s very unhappy and beginning to realize she may have made a major mistake being with Tom.”

Gee, ya think?

I blame the olive cartel

I went to one of my favorite martini bars on the UES tonight and was outraged yet again to see that martinis, which used to be $5 at happy hour, are now $6. And some of you babies are whining because gas is $3 a gallon? THIS is the real crime against humanity.

Barbaro

There has been an overwhelming outpouring of concern for Barbaro, the horse who broke his leg at the running of the Preakness. News organizations are following his story intently, providing minute-by-minute accounts of the attempt by vets to save the animal, and people are sending cards and gifts to his stable to...well, I'm not sure what that's supposed to do.

The chances of his recovering and not having to be killed, while better than that facing injured horses in times past, are still iffy. The Times says: His odds of survival, put at 50-50 by the veterinarian who operated on him, are far better than those of horses with similar injuries in decades past. In 1975, the unbeaten filly Ruffian was euthanized after being injured at Belmont Park in a match race against Foolish Pleasure.

Anyway, I guess I'm glad there is such an outpouring of concern from the public, but I have to say, it's a very selective concern. There are animals in dire straits every day, including plenty of horses. I'm on the Humane Society mailing list, and every week or so I get an email from them urging action to help save wild horses in the West who are being rounded up and slaughtered by the government or by ranchers. And, of course, every day in this country, thousands upon thousands of dogs and cats are put to death, unwanted and unloved, abandoned by owners.

Why does an animal have to be “famous” to get such interest as Barbaro is getting?

Well, at least there is concern, and, at least as a society, we have somewhat progressed to the point where there are laws against animal cruelty. And even though it still happens in secret, at least we and the civilized world have officially banned such inhumane games as dog fighting and cock fighting and the like. Hell, they used to do bear baiting and “games" involving animals that can't even be described they were so cruel.

But, every day, to amuse man, or make him money, Barbaro, and other horses, are put at risk for the “sport” of racing. We only hear about the famous races, the Preakness, the Derby, and the like, but horse racing goes on every single day. And we have to ask what are we doing to these creatures?

When a race car driver gets behind the wheel on a track, he puts his life at risk - but he has a choice in the matter. He knows what the risks are, and he choses to do it. No one is forcing him. Race horses don't have that luxury.

I know we've had the so-called sport of kings with us for centuries, and there likely always will be horse racing, it's not getting banned any time soon. And, sure, the horses seem relatively well treated and healthy, and they no doubt have better lives than those poor horses I see attached to a carriage and pulling some fat goober from Iowa around Central Park in the middle of a sweltering Manhattan summer day. But we should still ask how much is it worth putting these race horses' lives at risk to give us pleasure?

Then he hurried home to watch "Anal Bandits 5"

Daily News gossip Lloyd Grove is reporting that Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas was heard expressing support for George Bush to the miserable failure's sister, Dora Bush Koch, at a book party.

"We have to pray for your brother. He's in real trouble," Thomas told a wide-eyed Koch, whose older brother is, indeed, suffering from near-catastrophic public-opinion ratings."

Isn't that lovely.

First of all, who the hell cares about any prayer from this perv who lied about sexually harassing Anita Hill, to get his lifetime spot on the high court. Not to mention, the bastard's porn collection is probably bigger than, well, mine.

But considering he was one of the justices who voted to steal the election from Al Gore and present it to Boy George, he really ought to keep his goddamned mouth shut in public about his support for the man who has ruined our economy, degraded the environment and thrown us into a debacle of a war that has stripped this country of any moral high grounds in the eyes of the world.

And then I gave thanks to baby Jesus

Ahh Sunday, a relaxing day for meditation and contemplation and praying to God, because you all know how religious I am.

Well, actually, I wound up at the Church of Dangling Bras. I had brunch today downtown with a couple of buds and then we wandered around the meatpacking district for a while, and it started to rain, so we had to find shelter. Somehow, we wound up at Hogs & Heffers.

Yes, even at 3 pm on a Sunday, I was pleased to discover there were girls dancing on the bar (not these particular girls, this is just a file photo).

But that's why I love this dirty town so much.

And, of course, I didn't know any of them

Wow, there are a lot of great looking girls who parade up and down 2nd Avenue at lunch time.

I had lunch today at Genesis, one of my fav Irish bars (they do a nice fish and chips, and the bartender is good with the buybacks), and as I was sitting there, reading the paper, glancing out the window at the Avenue to keep an eye on the weather, I saw such a nice procession of amazing looking females.

And, even better, at about 3:00 the skies opened with a deluge, and then you're talking an impromptu wet tee-shirt contest. God bless Baby Jesus and his rain and his cotton and his curves.

Making us proud as always

Saturday, he'll be riding a boogie board.

They don't even blush at their lack of principles

Even the so-called moderate Republicans will pander with the best of them.

Recently, John McCain groveled before Jerry Fallwell, giving the commencement speech at Falwell's Liberty University. This after Falwell and other members of the Christian right had smeared McCain and his family during the 2000 Republican primaries. But, McCain's running again, and apparently is willing to debase himself to get the backing of the religious nuts this time around.

And now we have Rudy Giuliani helping out his good buddy Ralph Reed, the former head of the Christian Coalition, who is running for Lt. Gov. in Georgia, and is one of the slimiest people in politics or religion. And that's saying something.

As I said a few weeks back, Giuliani, who, like McCain, is apparently thinking about entering the GOP presidential primaries for 2008, is delusional if he thinks his pro-choice, pro-gay rights, pro-gun control views will land him the Republican nomination.

At the fundraiser for Reed, Giuliani skirted over those social issues, that are usually red meat to a conservative crowd. And, according to The Times, Reed refused to say whether Giuliani's views would hurt him in the Republican primaries.

Mr. Reed declined to answer reporters' questions about whether he could support Mr. Giuliani for president, given that they disagree on abortion rights and gay rights, or if he thought the former mayor would make a good president.

"We're really focused on 2006," Mr. Reed said, adding, "I learned a long time ago an 80 percent friend is not a 20 percent enemy."

Let me answer for him, Rudy. No, he and his ilk will not support you, no matter how much money you raise for him now.

And the weird thing that politicians like McCain and Giuliani don't seem to see is that by groveling like this, by throwing their principles overboard, they may indeed pick up support from some of the less rabid of the religious right - but they lose support from the great majority in the middle who would otherwise be likely to vote for them, but now won't because they are throwing their lot in with these rightwing skunks.

Two hours just isn't enough for lunch

What an amazingly nice day today in the city. For the first time this year, I had lunch alfresco. I got a chicken salad sandwich from my favorite deli, a little four-pack of wine coolers (peach flavor, mmm) and the Daily News, and went to Carl Shurtz Park, right next to Gracie Mansion, overlooking the East River. Quite relaxing.

I hope you all had a delightful lunch too!

And wait till I get my new Treo smart phone, which has Internet access. I will be able to blog from on location, including pictures. Good times.

Isn't there a fucking Chuck E. Cheese anywhere in the Upper East Side?

Ok, not to sound like any more of a misanthrope than I usually do, but goddamn it, why do parents of young kids bring their brats out to nice restaurants?

I was at one of my favorite places in the city tonight, you know, just to relax...read, eat, drink - and some rugrat in the restaurant area started out with a slow whine, and then progressed into a full-blown wail.

Now, luckily, the mother was at least embarrassed enough to take the little cocksucker outside, but I still had to hear it for quite a few minutes.

People. These are places for adults. Trust me, we really don't secretly think your kids are charming.

Thank you.

Catholics and albinos of the world unite!

It looks like conservative Catholics aren't the only ones upset about The Da Vinci Code. Now the powerful albino lobby is weighing in, voicing anger at the portrayal of an albino in the film.

“Michael McGowan, an albino who heads the National Organization for Albinism and Hypopigmentation, said “The Da Vinci Code” will be the 68th movie since 1960 to feature an evil albino.”

You know, it's true. You never see a movie about crime-fighting albinos, just those damn evil ones.

A reminder: turn over your wombs gals, you don't own them any more

What's happening to this country? According to the Washington Post:

New federal guidelines ask all females capable of conceiving a baby to treat themselves -- and to be treated by the health care system -- as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon.

Among other things, this means all women between first menstrual period and menopause should take folic acid supplements, refrain from smoking, maintain a healthy weight and keep chronic conditions such as asthma and diabetes under control.

Unfuckingbelievable.

One more step in the increasing movement in this country to treat women as baby machines, incapable of making decisions for themselves.

What's next? A religious police force, like in Saudi Arabia, where they patrol the streets, beating women with too much makeup on, or who don't wear burkhas?

Get ready for Scarlet A's to start making appearances

It's not enough that Bush and his party are already the most radical, right-wing group to run this country, constantly slavering over the religious lunatics of the Christian right. It's not enough that they have went out of their way to put incredibly conservative judges on the courts, and make no bones that their ultimate goal is to ban abortion, and then start on contraception. Or that they have scapegoated homosexuals and show all likelihood of doing it again this Congressional election season, putting same-sex marriage bans on state ballots to bring out the bigots.

No, that's not enough for the Christian mullahs who pull the strings on the GOP. According to The Times:

"Some of President Bush's most influential conservative Christian allies are becoming openly critical of the White House and Republicans in Congress, warning that they will withhold their support in the midterm elections unless Congress does more to oppose same-sex marriage, obscenity and abortion."

Bush is in polling free fall, and Congressional Republicans aren't far behind him in unpopularity. So what's the solution after they've managed to weaken the nation's economy, drag us into a debacle of an unnecessary war, severely botched the response to Katrina, and are listening in on our phone calls? Well, gotta get them homos! Because, you know, that same-sex marriage thing will just, er, what? I've still never heard it explained how two guys getting married in San Francisco can threaten anyone else's marriage.

What a pathetic group of slugs these people are.

I wanted to do the same thing when a phone on the crosstown 86th Street bus rang "Feeling On Yo Booty" for 2 blocks

Bush and his cronies are telling us conditions in Iraq are improving, and that nasty liberal media is just concentrating on all the negatives - you know, little things like car bombings, and troop killings, and the fact that water and electrical delivery to the Iraqi people is at lower levels today than before the war.

Yes, things are going swimmingly over there, right? Er, well if you believe The Times of London, maybe not so much:

"The fragile state of the sectarian divide in Iraqi politics was exposed today when a fight broke out in parliament after a mobile phone ringtone played a Shia Muslim chant.

A procedural session of the Iraqi parliament was suspended as Shia and Sunni leaders stormed out to protest the ringtone and the subsequent scuffle, which erupted between the armed bodyguards of the Sunni speaker Mahmoud al-Mashhadani and the hardline Shia politician, Gufran al-Saidi."

Mission accomplished.

What's up with Hillary?

I like Hillary Clinton and I'm glad she's my senator, but sometimes, I can't figure her out.

Recently, she has made overtures to Rupert Murdoch, the right-wing media baron who owns the New York Post and Fox News Channel.

She attended a Fox party in Washington DC a few weeks ago, and now word has come out that Murdoch's News Corp. is throwing a fund raiser for her Senate campaign.

I realize it's probably a smart political move, as she's hoping the Post and Fox will lay off their usual Democrat-bashing, and Clinton-bashing, during her run. It might even work, especially with the Post. And Murdoch has certainly been known to put his financial interests ahead of his right-wing ideology. In the U.K., one of the right-wing newspapers he owns there, the Sun, backed Labour's Tony Blair, throwing aside its tradition of Conservative party backing.

But it still gives me pause when I see her cozying up to right-wing entities.

My real issue, though, is that I wish she would spread her wealth around a little more. She's got something like $20 million in her campaign bank. She has, to all intents and purposes, no serious competition this year. The New York Republican party has imploded, and the candidates for the GOP senate nomination are basically vying to see who is going to be the sacrificial lamb whose ass is going to be handed to them by Hillary on election day.

But the former first lady is continuing to fund raise as if she is facing a real fight. My friend Corky just sent me an invite for a lunch for Hillary, with tickets starting at $125, and going up to $1,000.

I would consider contributing if she would start giving a lot more of the campaign cash to other Democratic candidates around the country who are facing real races, and who are financially out gunned by their Republican opponents who enjoy the backing of big business and other special interests. The Dems have a serious shot to take the House this year, but they can't do it if some of their candidates can't compete in the elections. That's where the money should be going, not here to Hillary's race, where it's not needed any more.

Yes, I realize she is probably hoarding it for a 2008 Presidential run. But, the fight is for the House NOW.

And Corky, of course, is confused when it comes to politics. She thinks she's a Republican, but she fund raises for Hillary, and browbeat me to take her to a media screening of Michael Moore's great liberal documentary Fahrenheit 911 before it opened a few years ago. Make up your mind, schizo!

Don't fall asleep

ORLANDO, Fla. - President Bush suggested Wednesday that he'd like to see his family's White House legacy continue, perhaps with his younger brother Jeb as the chief executive.

The president said Florida Gov. Jeb Bush is well-suited for another office and would make "a great president."

"I would like to see Jeb run at some point in time, but I have no idea if that's his intention or not," Bush said in an interview with Florida reporters, according to an account on the St. Petersburg Times Web site.

This fucking family is like the monsters in horror movies like Friday the 13th or Halloween; they just keep coming back in sequel after sequel. They won't go away.

And the American people vote for them, which is the real horror. You would think after the debacle of George, Sr., the public would have been a little wary of his son, seen as a pale, dim-witted imitation of his old man. Although, to be fair, the public did actually cast more votes for Al Gore in 2000, of course, but that election was stolen in Florida, and doomed in the archiac electoral college.

And now, they're making noises about Bush III: Jason Lives.



Then, after Jeb's done driving the country farther into the ground, I guess it's only a matter of time before Jenna or Barbara
get a shot. They couldn't do any worse than their father, I suppose, and at least they seem like they would be fun to party with, compared to that teetotaling, reformed drunk who spawned them.

Karma is a bitch

Leave it the New York Post, but this is cruel. Delicious but cruel.

STAR Jones Reynolds has been told to hitch up her hefty wagonload of freebies and waddle off into the sunset, sources say.

ABC will announce this week that the big-boned talking head is out at "The View," a source close to the inner workings of the late-morning gabfest tells Page Six. What network brass won't say is that she's being unceremoniously ousted at the direct behest of the show's grand dame Barbara Walters and the incoming Rosie O'Donnell.

"It was always Rosie's condition of joining the show, and Barbara agreed to those conditions from the outset," our source said. The network and Jones are now concocting a face-saving scenario in which Jones will be touted as moving on to pursue important new projects.

Big-boned? Heh.

I watched the beginning of the show today to see if they would say anything about this, but they didn't. Although Star was very subdued.

They did, however, yammer on about the David Blaine stunt last night, where he emerged from the big giant fishbowl, and almost - gasp - drowned. Puh-lease.

My friend Velma wanted to go over to Lincoln Center last night to see it live and in person, but I refused. Although I probably should have went so I could sell those suckers in the crowd some swamp land in Florida.

I'm nauseous

"MISSION: Impossible III" star Tom Cruise reportedly got Katie Holmes to ink a $52 million pre-nup. The new parents spent weeks hashing out the details of the agreement, in which a $19 million trust has been set up for Katie and her baby regardless of whether the couple wed, London's Daily Mail claims. But if they do marry and later divorce, Holmes will receive an extra $33.5 million."

Sometimes I think I'm from another planet

Tonight is the series finale of Seventh Heaven, the cheesy WB show.
And I was shocked to read that the program, apparently, is "the longest-running family drama in TV history (221 episodes over 10 seasons)."

America has been loving this show for a decade and I have never seen one episode of it. Not one. And have no desire to. Even with the totally yummy Jessica Biel in it.

And she IS yummy. Now that's my type. The funny thing is, she got fired from the show a few years back because of provocative pictures in one of the men's magazines. You know, we can't have the religious zealots who watch Seventh Heaven be flustered by a blazing hot girl, now, can we?

Seriously, though, who watches dreck like this? Or programs like ABC's According to Jim or CBS's Two and a Half Men?

Thank God for HBO.

Then again, instead of watching Seventh Heaven tonight, I will probably be glued to The Apprentice.

I guess I am from Planet Tacky after all.

And for his next magic trick, maybe he'll, er, actually do a magic trick

Is anyone else hoping the water wins?

I thought it was when he balanced the budget and brought world peace. Oh wait, that's right...

BERLIN (Reuters) - U.S. President George W. Bush told a German newspaper his best moment in more than five years in office was catching a big perch in his own lake.

"You know, I've experienced many great moments and it's hard to name the best," Bush told weekly Bild am Sonntag when asked about his high point since becoming president in January 2001.

"I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound (3.402 kilos) perch in my lake," he told the newspaper in an interview published on Sunday.

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...shame on you again!

Well, it happened again. I got finagled into watching another bad chick flick, Sunday night.

My friend Sarah came over to watch HBO's The Sopranos, because I have the best TV. After it was over, we started looking for a movie, and she convinced me to try something called Wicker Park.

I barely knew any of the actors in it, and had never heard of this movie when it came out. Apparently there was a good reason for that.

The plot line, as described by imdb: "Investment Banker Matthew, a young advertising executive in Chicago, puts his life and a business trip to China on hold when he thinks he sees Lisa, the love of his life who walked out on him without a word two years earlier, walking out of a restaurant one day. With a little help from his friend Luke, Matthew obsessively and relentlessly tracks Lisa down and while doing so, runs into another young woman, calling herself Lisa whom, unknown to Matthew, is an actress named Alex and may hold the key to Lisa's disappearance, and discovery."

That doesn't do it justice. Wow, was it stupid.

First of all, it had one of those ridiculously hard to follow plots, with sequences flashing randomly back in time, and I finally dozed off about a quarter way through it. When I woke up, about half way through the film, I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. And Sarah, who had inexplicably remained awake, couldn't really fill me in, because she wasn't sure herself. And, again, she had been awake the entire time!

Towards the end, we figured out what was happening, but, it was so stupid and unrealistic, that when I harangued her for choosing this movie, she didn't argue back, as she normally does.

And apparently Josh Harnett is considered a sex symbol? Oy. Save us all.

Let's just say, you know it's a bad movie when the guy who played Shaggy in Scooby Doo is the best actor in it.

Hmm, now let me see...who was President then?

The right-wingers are sure to be boasting that the Bush economy is really doing well and the stock market is booming. In fact, the Dow is approaching a six-year high:

"In late morning trading, the Dow Jones industrial average climbed 89.01, or 0.78 percent, to 11,527.87, a fresh six-year high and less than 200 points away from its all-time high of 11,722.98, reached Jan. 14, 2000."

Which is fine. But another way of looking at it is that means the Dow is only now getting back to where it was six years ago. In other words, you might have been better off putting your money under your mattress. Because if you've had it in the market, or your 401K funds are vested in the market, you probably haven't gained much, and may even have lost a good chunk of change.

When Bill Clinton was in office in 2000, and, of course, the six previous years, not only were wages for working Americans steadily increasing, but the investor class was doing great too, the market was booming. And this was after he had inherited an anemic economy from Bush, Sr., with budgetary deficits as far as the eye could see. Clinton cleared the mess up, gave the country surpluses as far as the eye could see - and then Boy George came to town and, well, say good bye to those surpluses and that economy.

So, thanks to the economic policies of Bush and his cronies, the market is finally getting back to where we were SIX freaking years ago. Thanks for nothing, fucktard.

And she's probably somebody's wife now...

BERLIN (Reuters) - A brothel has become the first in Berlin to offer special deals for virgins with prostitutes trained in the delicate art of catering for customers who have never had sex, a German newspaper reported Friday.

My first time was with a whore, too.

Not a professional in a brothel. She was just a little nympho who I think did the entire tennis team.

Good times.

Good

It's probably evil of me, but in my animal-loving, people-annoy-me ways, I love stories like this.

Survey says: paranoid

I don't know if I'm being a) an egomaniac, b) paranoid, c) grumpy, or d) giving off some weird, undetectable, electromagnetic attraction aura - but there's something that happens to me a lot in bars that is puzzling.

It happened again last night. I went to one of my favorite bar/restaurants for dinner. I like to go alone, sit in the bar area, and read the Daily News. The food is very good at this place, the bartenders are great with buybacks, all in all, it's very relaxing.

Anyway, I get there at about 5:30, and the place is still pretty empty at that time of the day. So, I'm reading the paper, enjoying a pre-dinner glass of wine (an amusing little pinot noir), and someone comes in and sits down RIGHT NEXT TO ME. There were about 20 empty barstools, only one other customer at the bar - and this guy has to sit right next to me.

And, natch, it was a guy. It's never a hot little 19-year-old blonde (not that she should be in a bar, but I won't tell). It's always a guy. A big hairy fat guy. Probably smelled too.

Now I really don't mind strangers sitting next to me, and, obviously, when bars fill up, it's unavoidable. But why would you choose to sit five inches away from someone when there are plenty of empty seats available?

I had to actually move my newspaper, which I had spread out a little.

I just don't get it. But stop doing it, people. Leave me alone. Thank you.

I think I met someone like this last night at a martini bar on the East Side...

I know girls who've had this. I had another name for them, of course.

He really is Dr. Evil

Dick Cheney is often seen as the real power in the White House, the puppetmaster pulling the strings on Boy George to benefit his corporate friends, and, of course, he was one of the most vocal proponents of the Iraq debacle.

A fascinating profile of him in Vanity Fair by Todd Purdum also points out that Cheney is paranoid, bizarre, and, well, just plain nuts.

"When he gave his friend Robin West and his twin children a ride to the White House a couple of years ago, West commented on the fact that Cheney's motorcade varied its daily path. 'And he said, "Yeah, we take different routes so that 'The Jackal' can't get me," ' West tells Purdum. 'And then there was this big duffel bag in the middle of the backseat, and I said, "What's that? It's not very roomy in here." And [Cheney] said, "No, because it's a chemical-biological suit," and he looked at it and said, "Robin, there's only one. You lose.' "

And, despite suffering several well-publicized heart "incidents," Cheney apparently continues to eat like a madman: "At age 65, Cheney is easily 30 or more pounds overweight, seems to have slacked off on what was once a more rigorous diet, and appears to suffer from recurrent bouts of gout. At a roundtable lunch with reporters a couple of years ago, two who were present say, he cut his buffalo steak in bite-size pieces the moment it arrived, then proceeded to salt each side of each piece."

This is the guy running the country. Jeez, hard to believe we're in so much trouble, isn't it?

Usually they just spit in your food if they're angry

I've heard of finger food, but this is ridiculous.

This year's gay marriage?

Every election season, the Republicans are masters at ginning up a controversy on a wedge issue. They screech about a terrible “problem” they claim is facing the country, dooming it, threatening its very existence -- and guaranteed to get their supporters out to the polls.

Gay marriage is always a reliable stand-by for them, as they apparently see the traditional institution of marriage as somehow doomed if two guys or women get a chance to make it official. In the 2004 election, they put amendments on the ballots in many states to ban gay marriage, or else to proclaim that a marriage can only legally be defined as between a man and a woman, and it helped turn out right-wing voters, and, in some states like Ohio, helped tip the balance over to the GOP. (I still haven't heard any of them explain how two guys getting hitched in P-town can threaten a marriage between a man and a women anywhere, but, hey, as Stephen Colbert said in his devastating White House press dinner speech, reality has a well-known liberal bias.)

Sometimes the issue they fixate on is something really, really innocuous, like a flag-burning amendment, you know, for that huge epidemic of flag burning that, er, is sweeping the nation.

Well, this year, the big controversy is singing the national anthem in Spanish (gasp!!!) It's become the new bête noire among the right-wingers.

Just as background, in the midst of the marches recently among immigrants asking for a fairer shake, a British record producer released a version of the Star Spangled Banner in Spanish.

Well, that was all the right-wing needed: dusky immigrants, speaking a different language, the flag - all rolled up into one issue. It was a natural for them.

The Fox and MSNBC cable shows, and the hate mongers on talk radio, leapt into action, drumming up outrage over this supposed travesty.

A Republican senator has already introduced a resolution stating that the anthem should only be sung in English.

And George Bush, of course, had to weigh in on the topic, asserting last week, "I think people who want to be a citizen of this country ought to learn English. And they ought to learn to sing the anthem in English."

Now, on the scale of the real issues facing this country, you know, little things like the war in Iraq, the incompetence and corruption of Bush and his cronies, the impending bankruptcy of Medicaid, the huge national debt, the deteriorating environment, the...well, you get the idea, anyway, on that list, how the national anthem is sung is somewhere around, oh, number 4,385.

But to hear the right-wing outrage, you would think it is the gravest threat facing us as a nation today. Again, it's one of the wedge issues at which the right-wingers are masters at capitalizing on. And it works. Polls now show Americans overwhelmingly saying the anthem should only be sung in English. Two weeks ago, no-one gave a rat's ass, now it's a big issue. And in the upcoming 2006 Congressional elections, woe to any Democrat who dares to duck this issue, or says something sensible like, “I'm just glad people are singing an anthem to our country.”

And, as usual with these people, the hypocrisy is astounding. As Atrios noted, in Kevin Phillips' book about the Bush clan, American Dynasty, which I wrote about here a few weeks ago, the author wrote: “When visiting cities like Chicago, Milwaukee or Philadelphia, in pivotal states, (Bush) would drop in at Hispanic festivals and parties, sometimes joining in singing "The Star-Spangled Banner" in Spanish, sometimes partying with a "Viva Bush" mariachi band flown in from Texas.”

The AP reports that the U.S. State Department's own web site offers four Spanish language versions of the anthem, as well as translations of other American historical documents, to help non-English speakers learn what their new country is all about.

And Think Progress notes that in 1919, the U.S. Bureau of Education itself commissioned a Spanish language version of the anthem.

But that was before cable news, talk radio and pandering GOP politicians figured out how to drive wedges between us and stir up hate.

New Jersey and you...and avian flu

Last week, New Jersey officials reported that plague-infected lab mice and strains of anthrax were missing.

This week, they've found a form of avian flu at a live bird market in Camden County.

They have live bird markets? Where are we, in Haiti?

It's hard to believe people make fun of Jersey, though, isn't it?

This is what happens when they let Clarence Thomas decide what cases to hear

The Supreme Court has ruled in favor of Anna Nicole Smith in her quest to get millions of dollars from her late billionaire husband's will, which is being contested by the guy's children.

The Bush administration has instituted warrentless wiretapping of American citizens, thrown hundreds of people they say are terorists into jail without charging them with anything, and let the oil companies write the nation's energy policy, and the Court sits by despite legal challenges being raised in those cases - but this one they decide in record time. Nice to see their priorities.

And, contrary to rumor, porn-loving Clarence Thomas' hands were visible on the bench the entire time the case was being argued. I don't know how those rumors get started.