Well, let me transfer my bank account info over to him right away

They are annoying as hell, but you have to give those spam scams some credit for ingenuity. The stories they come up with could easily be the plot in a Lifetime Movie of the Week. And they do beat the emails selling pills promising to “Enlarge Your Penis By 5 Inches Now!” (And those are such a ripoff, by the way. I've never got more than 4 additional inches from any of them.)

This one came in today with the subject: “Please help me”

“I am Mr. Clive Osborne, the first son of John Osborne, the popular black farmer in Macheke district of Zimbabwe who narrowly escape during killing of Mr. David Stevens the father of two-year-old twins - was shot dead at point blank range in the land dispute in my country. My father Mr. Osborne, who rushed was to a hospital in the provincial centre of Marondera, said he himself was only spared because someone spoke up for him; he later died after a protracted injuries he sustained as a result of the mob action. Before the death of my father, he had taken me to Holland to deposit the sum of US 2.5 million {two million five hundred thousand United States dollars}, in one of the private security company, as he foresaw the looming danger in Zimbabwe. This land problem came when Zimbabwean President Mr. Robert Mugabe introduce a new land Act Reform wholly affecting the rich white farmers and some few black farmers and this resulted to the killing and mob action by Zimbabwean war veterans and some lunatics in the society. In fact a lot of people were killed because of this land reform Act for which my father was one of the victims. It is against this background that, I and my family fled Zimbabwe for fear of our lives and are currently staying in Holland where we are seeking political asylum and more so have decided to transfer my father's money to a more reliable foreign account. Since the law of Holland prohibits a refugee {asylum seeker} to open any bank account or to be involve in any financial transaction. As the eldest son of my father, I am saddled with the responsibility of seeking a genuine foreign partner/account where this money could be transferred without the knowledge of my government who are bent on taking everything we have acquired. Sir / Madam, If you are willing to undertake this with me I am willing to give you 25% of the fund for your assistance and I have also mapped out 5% to cover any expenses incurred from the transaction. Also be aware the balance amount will be set aside for the investment through you and the profit from the investment will be share 50% each for you and my family after expenses. Please contact me on my e-mail address or my phone number below. Yours sincerely, Mr. Clive Osborne.”

I removed the contact info and links that were in it, because God knows what sort of viruses were lurking there - not to mention, some of you may have actually wanted to “help” him. But you gotta give the fucker credit for telling a cool story.