I wish he had gored them all - right in the balls

A half ton bull jumped into the stands at a Mexican bullring, injuring some spectators before being killed by a bullfighter with his sword.

Is it wrong of me to wish every scumbag in that stadium had been hurt badly and injured first? Imagine the terror and the pain that bull was feeling, the terror and pain they are subjected to every time they are thrown into one of these damn fights. A screeching crowd baying for blood, the oh-so-brave matador sticking daggers into it before finally killing it with a sword. God knows how long it takes one of these huge creatures to die from a sword piercing its body, and bleeding to death.

I don't want to hear that this is an age-old tradition, or the bull is killed humanely.

How this "sport" can still be allowed in the year 2006 is beyond me.

Mankind - what a fucking piece of work.

Freaky Friday

Lindsay Lohan was rushed to the hospital last week for the second time in a month, needing 10 stitches for a gash in her leg, after a freak accident at Bryan Adams' London mansion.

"She and her friends were preparing breakfast, with eggs and everything, and Lindsay was going up the stairs, carrying a ceramic teacup," Lohan's mother, Dina, told Star magazine."She had just come out of the shower so she was still wet and had some lotion on, and she completely flipped on the stairs since it was slippery."

Uh-huh. I'm sure thats exactly what happened.

Shiny, happy people

There's an interesting and somewhat depressing article in the Washington Post today about a town in Utah where George Bush remains incredibly popular. The town gave him 95.6 percent of its vote in the 2004 election, and, although his polls have plummeted nationally because of Iraq, Katrina, the economy, etc., in Randolph, Utah, W remains like a god.

A telling moment is when the reporter, providing some color in the article, sets a scene at a local diner. When a passing tourist orders a sandwich with Dijon mustard on it, the counterman says they only have regular.

When the tourist leaves, the counterman is quoted: "Dijon mustard," Louderman says as the woman drives away. "I don't know what Dijon mustard is. Don't care to find out, either."

That, sadly, is an all-too revealing mindset of the Bush fan. Set in their ways, and not even curious to try something new. Proud of being provincial. Dijon mustard? Don't have it, don't care to even know what it is.

Heckuva job, Condi

I've never understood the generally good press and the gushing accolades that Condelezza Rice gets. It seems to me, frankly, she has been a disaster as, first, National Security Adviser, and, now, Secretary of State.

She was the person, after all, ultimately responsible for briefing George Bush on the now infamous August 6, 2001 Presidential Daily Briefing that was titled: "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States." During her slippery testimony before Congress, when they investigated what went wrong, she hemmed and hawwed and said no one really predicted that, well, bin Laden was going to attack inside the United States.

Except, you know, that whole briefing thing from August. The one called, ohh, what was it again? Oh yes: Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States.

Did the intelligence have the flight numbers or the date 9-11? No. Did it provide a fairly strong warning that something ominous was coming, and perhaps steps should be taken to increase monitoring of al Queda members in the U.S? Yes.

Condi, however, somehow escaped any accountability for her role in not ringing the alarm bells for the devastating attack that took place a month after the PDB.

And now, she is telling reporters that no one saw the depth of the anger and disillusionment among the Palestinians that would lead to them overwhelmingly voting into power the terror group Hamas.

According to the Times: "I've asked why nobody saw it coming," Ms. Rice said, speaking of her own staff. "It does say something about us not having a good enough pulse."

No shit.

Excuse me. She's in charge of this country's foreign policy establishment, but she and her people didn't even have contingency plans ready in the event that Hamas gained some sort of official power, never mind control, in an election we were all assured was going to be just another happy example of the flower of democracy growing in the middle east.

Yeah, that certainly worked out well, didn't it?

In most other countries, when a high government official presides over failure after failure, they resign in shame. Or, at least, get fired by the head of state.

Not under Bush. Here, they tend to get a promotion or a medal.

And Condi? Well, you know she used to be a university provost, and she plays the piano nice, and she dresses real snappy. Why rock the boat.

Pathetic.

Survey says....meeow

The New York Daily News reports, More men want Hollywood siren Jessica Alba as a girlfriend than any other hottie in Hollywood, according to a new Internet survey.

The 24-year-old sex kitten, who once dated Yankee star Derek Jeter, nudged out runners-up Sienna Miller and Angelina Jolie as the catch of all catches to have children and grow old with.

Sex kitten indeed. And my friends will attest, I am a cat person.

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye

Say good bye to your wombs, gals, you no longer control them. The Republican party does. No filibuster on Alito and he is expected to be confirmed to the Supreme Court tomorrow.

The court now tilts dramatically to the right, Roe will be overturned, and abortion rights will likely be history in 3-5 years. Then they'll start working on birth control. They're against that too, you know.

And them good ol' boys were drinking whiskey and rye

If you have the stomach to watch Tuesday's State of the Union speech, you can play a little drinking game to make the nonsense go down easier. Every time you hear Bush say “9-11” or “security” or “protect” or “terrorism,” take a shot of Jack. Guarantee, you'll be shit faced 20 minutes into the damn thing.

And if you can't do shots, here's some yummy JD recipes.

People are annoying #27

Okay, what is the deal with these numbnuts who insist on paying for a
relatively tiny supermarket bill by plastic?

Now, this is absolutely true: I'm standing in the express line last night and the genius in front of me has a bill totalling $4.72 (!!!) for a carton of milk and a few other items, and, yes, my friends, whips out a card to pay.

The express line proclaims it does not accept checks -- but cards?
Not a problem.

$4.72.

So, Einstein swipes his card, punches in the PIN, figures if its credit or
debit (with quite a furrowed brow as he studies the machine) and then has to do it all over again when it doesn't work the first time. Then we have to wait for the approval to come through and the receipt to print out.

$4.72.

A transaction that should have taken less than 30 seconds, takes well over a minute.

Sweet freakin' baby jesus.

I'm sorry, but if you don't have five bucks in cash you should NOT be
allowed to walk the streets of New York, never mind go to Food Emporium.

Now, I totally realize I sound like a misanthrope sometimes, but come on.

And yes, I know it's hard to believe some lucky gal hasn't snapped me up
already, what with me being so easy going and not at all annoyed by my fellow man.

But seriously, give me a break.

Think of your fellow citizens. Stop the madness. The more you know.

Thank you.

Woof

Happy Chinese New Year - it's now the Year of the Dog.

It's the damndest thing, I haven't gotten used to it. I'm still writing Year of the Rooster on my checks.

Hey, you've been a great crowd. Don't forget to tip your waitresses.

Rainy days and Sundays

It's a rainy damp Sunday in New York, but I actually enjoy it. It's a good time to put on a pot of coffee, and curl up and catch up on reading in a cozy apartment.

I had a great steak dinner Saturday night at Ruth's Chris Steak House on the west side. And it came about in an unusual way, but before I tell you about that, and not to get too sidetracked on a rant -- what the hell is this anti-steak bigotry among so many of the female persuasion?

Earlier in the week, I invited a girl to accompany me to this dinner. The reply: “Ohh, I don't eat steak, can I get fish or something else?” Well, sorry, Mother Theresa, but these places are expensive as hell, and I'm not wasting one of the great steak houses on someone who is not going to order meat, so, no, you can't.

Fortunately, the next invitee was as big a carnivore as me – and she knows I say that with affection.

Now, I'm normally a Ben Benson's man for my NYC steak house visits, but I received a $100 certificate for Ruth's by answering one of those silly on line offers that popped up on a Web site I was visiting.

You know the ones I'm talking about, they show up all the time, offering free iPods or the like if you play along, and, like most sensible people, I normally just click them off. But I decided to try this one.

Now, let me caution you, I still think most are probably shady. But I trusted the site I was on, and the survey company seemed to be a legitimate advertiser on it, so I figured, what the hell. I would advise creating an email account solely for one of these surveys, as I'm sure they sell the address to every damn company on the face of the earth. I made up a new Yahoo name that I have, of course, not returned to since, and it's probably got about 7 bazillion spam emails on it by now.

To get the prize, you had to sign up for three things on a list, but if you chose correctly among the multiple offers available, you could work it so it cost you basically nothing, other than a minimal charge for something you might want anyway. One was for a no-fee MNBA credit card. Ka-ching, done. Another was for a 30-day free AOL trial. Okie dokey, signed up and already cancelled on the 29th day, no charge incurred. Suckers. The third offer, and the only one that will actually cost me anything, was for the Columbia House DVD club, which I had been eyeing anyway. It was one of their usual plans, join, get 10 free DVDs immediately, and then agree to buy 4 more over the next year at regular price. Fourteen DVDs for about $75 spread over a year? Not a problem.

So I went through the survey wamma jamma, and, within 3 weeks, got my Ruth's Chris certificate in the mail. Sweet.

We split some mushrooms stuffed with crabmeat. I had the New York strip, she had a filet mignon. A plate of mashed potatoes with a hint of garlic and a plate of spinach au gratin for the table. A bottle of an amusing little cabernet sauvignon accompanying the meal. I got an after dinner single malt Scotch, she went with a Bailey's.

Total cost to me, after the $100 certificate was deducted from the bill: $72.57.

After dinner frolics: priceless.

In this episode, the K's converge in midtown and New Jersey is just a little bit quieter

I ended up hanging out in midtown for a couple of hours Friday night with the K sisters again. Readers of this space may remember my encounter with them last week – they're cute, funny, a little spacey, and ahhh, what's that other descriptive phrase I'm looking for? Oh yeah, wacked out of their feverish minds.

An enterprising producer could definitely get a reality show from these girls. (It would have to go the pay cable route, of course. It would not survive on basic, with the new censorious climate we are enduring).

And I even met the elusive third sister, Special K. She may just reside in Pine Valley next door to Erica Kane, not to imply soap opera or anything. I'm just saying.

Although, actually the real wackadoo moment was when we were talking about Oprah's recent confrontation with author James Frey, and the Littliest K mentioned she had read somewhere that Oprah would probably do a better job questioning the President than the White House press corps. As I gently reminded her, that did sound somewhat familiar – maybe because I had written it on this freakin' blog just a few hours earlier!!!

It's interesting observing the dynamic between them. Even though all three have graduated from college, are working in the real world, have moved out of the family home, etc., and obviously love each other, you just know they will revert to childhood rivalries at the drop of a scrunchy.

Let's say I sense there were a lot of chick fights going on in the K household as they grew up. Not to mention some flashy verbal pyrotechnics, with each trying to get a word in edgewise at family gatherings. Never have you heard human beings talk so fast, without drugs actually being involved.

Nor, by the way, have you ever seen individuals so thin eat so fast. Actually, there was no food last night, but last week appetizers were involved, and let me tell you, I was afraid to reach to sample any. My hand would have been gnawed off like one of those poor downed zebras you see surrounded by a pack of lions on the National Geographic Channel.



Anyway, I'll take it upon myself to option the rights to the K Sisterhood, and sell to any reputable production company. I envision The Osbournes meet the Hiltons, with a dash of the family from the Chucky movies thrown in. Move over Gastineau Girls, and let the bidding begin.

Sorry, ladies, hes taken

Turns out Jared, the Subway sandwich guy who lost 245 pounds by eating nothing but Subs, is married, lives in an Indiana suburb, and, according to an advertising expert, is probably worth $600 million a year to the fast food franchise. Pretty interesting article here, actually, about the strange appeal he has to viewers of those ubiquitous commercials.

Just as long as Dr. Phil isn't involved

Can we get Oprah into the White House press corps? Because she certainly did a better job pinning down a dissembler who had exaggerated, and outright lied in many instances, during her viceration of coniving author James Frey yesterday, than the media did of President Bush.

She made Frey squirm about the alleged "memoir" he wrote, that turned out to be, basically, a bunch of crap. Compare that to W's press conference, also yesterday, where he faced the press but was able to skate over just about all the lies his administration has told us about the war, the domestic spying, etc.

Ironically, Oprah's show airs live at 9 a.m. in her home base in Chicago (the only market where it airs in the morning) and was pre-empted by Bush's press conference.

You can take the A Train

This might be New York specific, but did you ever notice if you have to take a different subway route to work, it seems very alien. The Lexington Avenue line was running a little hinky this morning, so I took the crosstown bus and then the A Train down Central Park West. Everything seemed off, the lighting, the layout of the car, even the passengers were a different type of weird than usual. I was in Bizarro New York.

What was it? Katrina, Iraq, corruption, global warming, the time he killed those kittens by tearing off their heads and sucking their blood out?

File this one in the "No shit, Sherlock" department.

Make it a double

Palestinians were firing gun shots in the air to celebrate the surprise victory of terror group Hamas in the parliamentary elections there.

Call me crazy, but firing shots is not exactly the sign of a stable, peaceful political party.

Of course, after our own last two presidential elections, I was firing shots too - of single malt Scotch down my freakin' throat to try to drown the depression.

It's the New Jersey of New York

Poor Long island gets no respect. A Times editorial this morning notes the upcoming reunion special that is being shopped around, featuring Amy Fisher, and Joey and Mary Jo Buttafuoco (as detailed here).

As it recounts the Long Island Lolita story, the editorial notes, "The South Shore of Long Island was something then. Nobody could touch Long Island for tabloid crime in those days, and people were raised right — they paid attention...It put Massapequa on the map."

Gold chains, Lolitas, Billy Joel driving into trees, and don't forget Jessica Hahn, another L.I. character. Today, let's pause to give thanks for the Long Island Sound, which provides us at least a little bit of a buffer.

Closing the book on "Daniel"

After airing just three episodes, NBC has dropped the show "Daniel," which starred Aidan Quinn as a priest who was a tad quirky, had a Vicodin dependency, and an openly gay son. The network says it was because of low ratings.

The series had come under fire from several rightwing Christian evangelical groups, like the American Family Association, headed by noted nutball Donald Wildmon. Because, you know, God forbid any religious person get depicted as being less than perfect, or, even worse, willing to accept a homosexual as a human being. A few NBC affiliates refused to air the series after the religious freaks started complaining.

"Daniel" averaged 7.6 million viewers, which is low for a primetime broadcast program, so I'm willing to accept that the network cancelled it to cut its losses, but just the thought that some of these holy roller Christian pressure groups caused NBC to dump the show in any small way is really nauseating.

Was he the one who cancelled "Taradise" ?

I hadn't heard this before, but apparently, a few days before he disappeared, the groom who went missing on that cruise ship that all the cable news channels chatter endlessly about, had met Tara Reid (delightfully called "actress" Tara Reid in the linked Newsweek story).

I assume the cops have investigated if he had anything to do with the cancellation of E's "Wild On" show she was hosting, you know, where she got paid to fly around the world and drink free.

I'm just sayin'...

Update: In answer to several inquiries, yes that is Tara pictured above. And no, it would have been too easy to use the infamous "boob popping out of her dress" picture. No nudity on this blog - unless it's intregal to the plot, of course..

One of these things is not like the other

Prince Harry has joined a British Army regiment that could be sent into battle in Iraq.

And on this side of the pond, of course, the only thing the Bush twins will be battling are the nation's drunk driving laws. Fighting in Iraq? That's for other people's kids, not W's princesses.

I think this whale might have been at Down the Hatch last week

Whale 'vomit' sparks cash bonanza - BBC News

An Australian couple who picked up an odd-looking fatty lump from a quiet beach are in line for a cash windfall.

Leon Wright and his wife took home a 14.75kg lump of ambergris, found in the innards of sperm whales and used in perfumes after it has been vomited up.

I'm not sure if it was this whale and his apparently valuable vomit, but there was something unquestionably inhuman left as a "deposit" in a sink of the bathroom at DTH last week.

The people ride in a hole in the ground...

I saw something really disgusting on the subway this morning. Gee, there's a surprise. There was a guy sitting across from me having his breakfast, and I mean he was chowing down, devouring an Egg McMuffin. (Now that alone is disgusting enough, what a horrible concoction.) But can you actually be that hungry that you have to eat a greasy sandwich on a crowded rush-hour subway? The smell was nauseating.

But that's not even the disgusting part! Sitting right next to him was a woman applying her makeup. She didn't want her coworkers to see her pasty morning face, but I guess had no problem with 200 strangers seeing her cover it up. So she was putting eyeliner on, and using that weird little thing they put on their eyes to pluck their lashes, or whatever the hell it does. God only knows what was floating down on the aforementioned Egg McMuffin.

Sometimes I hate people.

(Although at least there were no adult diapers in evidence -- see previous post.)

And you think New Jersey Transit sucks?

BEIJING (Reuters) - Migrant workers in south China are wearing adult diapers on packed trains heading home for the Lunar New Year holiday because they have no access to a toilet, state media said Tuesday.

About 120 million peasants from China's vast rural areas swarm the cities for work and all try to make it home for the holiday, filling all standing room on trains and making access to the toilet impossible during trips often lasting 24 hours or more.

Many supermarkets in southern Foshan had reported a 50 percent increase in sales of adult diapers for the train trips, the China Daily said in what some local commentators called the "shame of the nation." It did not mention other cities.

All of a sudden, that 5:35 to Rahway doesn't seem so bad, huh?

Some people claim that there's a woman to blame...

I went out for margaritas and Mexican last night on the Upper East Side with a bud. Let's call her “Corky.” She's one of those cute, sorta wacky, bubbly girls who chatter away a mile a minute and laugh a lot, but, every once in a while, break out in tears and you're never really sure why.

As a quick aside, to give you an idea of her wackiness, I was running pretty late to get to the bar, even though it was only a few blocks from my apartment (hey, I get distracted sometimes), and she calls me and whispers, “I'm talking to a cute guy who's here, and he asked if I was waiting for someone, so I told him I'm waiting for my brother. So when you get here, you're my brother.” Now, who knows why she couldn't just tell him she was waiting for a friend? But ok, I'll play along. Of course, 5 minutes after I get there and get introduced as her “brother,” the girl he was there waiting for showed up and proceeded to get cozy with him. Good times.

Anyway, Corky told me her horrendous New Years Eve tale. Long story short – not that she was able to make it short - she went out to Denver to spend New Years with one of her best friends, who had recently broken up with her boyfriend. She spent bucks to take time off from work, book a flight at the holiday season, etc. It was just one of those thoughtful things girls do for each other. (Guys, ehh, we don't do that stuff so much.)

But, just before she was heading out there, the Denver gal got involved with a new guy, and, you can see it coming, when Corky got there she was basically ignored by her friend, who only had eyes and time for her new boy. So she spent about a week trying to have some fun in Denver, without a car, and without her friend.

It's the age-old question, I suppose -- are you one of those people who will dump your friends at the drop of a hat for a significant other? At the extreme opposite, of course, are the folks who are always out with their friends, and rarely seem to want to spend quality time with the s/o.

Well, the challenge is finding that happy middle, making some boundaries, figuring out where your priorities lie. Ideally, your mate and your friends get along famously -- but it doesn't always happen. And, even if it does, sometimes you still have to set aside time for your buds.

So even though I like to tease Corky, I have to say that flying across most of the continent to comfort an upset friend at the holidays deserved better treatment than being shunted aside for the guy of the moment.

Then again, Corky got her revenge when she was out there – at the Coor's Beer factory tour no less. But, I can't really talk about that on a family blog like this.

As she triumphantly told me, she violated the secret “code of girls.”

Who knew they even had one?

You gotta love 'em.

Nothing to see here, folks, move along

2005 Was Warmest Year on Record: NASA

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Last year was the warmest recorded on Earth's surface, and it was unusually hot in the Arctic, U.S. space agency NASA said on Tuesday.

"It's fair to say that it probably is the warmest since we have modern meteorological records," said Drew Shindell of the NASA institute in New York City."

The 21st century could see global temperature increases of 6 to 10 degrees F (3 to 5 degrees C), Shindell said.

"That will really bring us up to the warmest temperatures the world has experienced probably in the last million years," he said.

Global warming? Huh? Whatchu talking 'bout Willis? You some kind of lefty, commie?

Tom gets to 2nd?

Ok, is it just the angle here, or is Tom getting a good handful of Katie's left boob? Although I guess that could put all those rumors about him to rest.

The WB and UPN are merging

The two mini nets are merging to become something called The CW. I hope this doesn't mean "Girlfriends" is going to get canceled.

That was annoying

Blogspot was acting a little hinky this morning, but it seems to be back.

Cheap bastards

Here's a handy little guide on the best time to buy a variety of things, from airplane tickets to TVs. For example:

"For all the seeming complexity that goes into the price of airfare, the answer to when some of the cheapest tickets can be found is surprisingly simple: Wednesday.

That's when airlines release their available seats for the upcoming weekend and the weekend after, says Travelocity's Dominique Phillip."

Purrrrr

No particular reason for this post, other than it's a somewhat cold, damp day in New York, and, when the weather is like this, I always end up thinking of animals stuck out in the city streets, maybe hiding under a parked car for warmth, so I wanted to take a minute to remind you all if you've got some extra bucks this month, perhaps you could consider giving some to our furry friends via shelters, where they are often picked up after being abandoned, or rescued from a horrible abuse situation. They always need our help.

If you can't read the copy on the ASPCA ad there, by the way, it says: "Whatever you can imagine, we've seen worse."

Here are some groups that allow you to donate though their web sites with your credit card. Or you can mail them a check the old-fashioned way. They did some good work during Katrina, rescuing lots of abandoned pets trapped in New Orleans, but, sadly, animal abuse and abandonment is an ongoing problem every day.

Woof.


ASPCA

The Humane Society

The Animal Rescue Site

And they say quality television is dead

"Long Island Lolita" Amy Fisher, and the Buttafuocos, Joey and Mary Jo, have agreed to get together for an hour-long "reunion" TV special. For those of you who don't know the story, Amy was the then-16-year-old who had an affair with Joey B., an oh-so-suave Long Island mechanic. And I mean he had the whole look going, the feathered mullet, the gold chains, those baggy, clowny pants that are issued to every male in Nassau County once they smoke their first cigarette.

Then Amy shot his wife in the head to get her out of the way. Apparently, though, her aim was as good as her taste in men, because Mary Jo thankfully survived.

There were not one, not two, but three TV movies made about the story, because, you know, the networks are committed to providing as much information as possible on a newsworthy subject - especially if it involves the phrases "16-year-old" and "Lolita." Alyssa Milano played Amy in one of the movies, Drew Barrymore in another. And I have no clue or Google interest in finding who third movie Amy was, because, obviously, the world is going straight to hell now, and I have to go shopping for asbestos underware.

Can't we just cancel the Bush administration?

NBC cancels "The West Wing." Too bad. It's probably the only broadcast network show I watch on a regular basis these days. "Ice Skating with Celebrities" is suddenly looking good.

Well, I guess it's better than the second place entry: "It really doesn't smell as bad as you think!"

Our neighbors across the Hudson have a spanking new state slogan.

It's "New Jersey: Come See For Yourself."

I'm canceling that silly trip to Barbados even as I type.

What the....?

Seriously, what mind-altering drugs were they on when this video was conceived?

Click the play button, and make sure your speakers are cranked to enjoy the glory that is Hasselhoff. (He's huge in Germany, you know)

Shithead talks, film at 11

Let me see if I get this straight. Karl Rove, the White House political advisor, gave a speech to Republicans saying that Democrats weren't patriotic enough, and weren't supporting George Bush in the war on terror. This is the same Rove who outed an undercover CIA agent, Valerie Plame, as poltical retribution against her husband. And now this shithead is lecturing people on patriotism? In any other time in this country's history, Rove would be labeled as treasonous for blowing an agent's cover. Under Bush, it's business as usual. Unbelievable.

Dollar beers - ahh, nothing says good times like brew for a buck

Life lesson #82: don't spend a Friday drinking (now, keep in mind, before you judge, this is spread throughout the day) frozen margs, bloody marys, apple martinis, and dollar beers, and expect to escape unscathed on Saturday. Can we just say cotton mouth.

I blame the dollar beers. Served in those little plastic cups no less.

Part of the evening was spent with the K girls, hearing more of their quite amusing, and, frankly, fascinating family stories. There just might be a few too many chromosomes floating around them there gals, and they're not even from Mississippi. But they're really adorable, so at least they don't look like the kid playing the banjo when Burt Reynolds meets that hillbilly mountain family in "Deliverance."

The Big Easy

Does anything beat having cajun food and frozen mini margs at Delta Grill during a lazy Friday lunch? I say no. I pity the fool who can't take a lazy lunch. I pity the fool.

You say tomato, I say oxycontin

Rush "to the buffet table" Limbaugh is/was dating CNN anchor Daryn Kagan, but, according to Lloyd Grove, the romance is apparently "on the rocks." Hard to believe those two crazy kids can't make it work. Well, ok, there are a few differences between them: She's supposedly apolitical, he's a rightwing blowhard. She lives in Atlanta, he's in NY and Florida. She likes an amusing little chardonnay, he's more a hillbilly heroin type of guy.

8 bazallion percent markup?

California-based speciality food store Trader Joe's is opening a 15,000 square foot outlet in Union Square, which is becoming quite the food store mecca these days.

"It is known for selling cheap Charles Shaw wine, known as Two-Buck Chuck because it sold for $2 a bottle when it was first offered," reports the Times.

And last night I was paying $9 a GLASS for some pinot noir. Sigh.

Does he read the Dr. Zizmor ads?

I bumped into perennial candidate Mark Green in the subway last night on my way home - and I mean literally almost bumped into him. I was going through a turnstile, he was moving to get out of the same gate, but I had already swiped my card, so he had to move aside and let me pass -- and with a little bit of an annoyed look on his face, may I add. Granted, I had partaken in a few cocktails by this point, but there were plenty of open turnstiles he could have aimed for.

You know, if he had won the election in 2001, he would be riding that big mayoral SUV instead of the "N" like the rest of us schnooks!

But, I'll vote for him anyway, he's running for state Attorney General now. He seems like a very honest politician, and one of the good guys. And, hey, he's still riding the damn subways, even though I'm sure he's probably making huge bucks as a lawyer or lobbyist these days. He's even got a blog, although he seems to limit his use of the word fucker.

So kudos, Mark. And stand clear of the closing doors.

Even Billy laughs at the chunky one's career trajectory

When Alec doesn't return your calls anymore, and you're reduced to playing "Angry man #3" in movies that show up on Cinemax at 3:30 a.m., I guess you gotta do something to get your name in the papers these days. Hey, there's always Daniel.

Bush + goofy picture: click on I'm feeling lucky

"In court papers filed in U.S. District Court in San Jose, Justice Department lawyers revealed that Google has refused to comply with a subpoena issued last year for the records, which include a request for 1 million random Web addresses and records of all Google searches from any one-week period."
- The Mercury News

Crap, I'm in trouble.

Move over Philip Seymour Hoffman

George Walker Bush IS Truman Capote in the role of a lifetime.

Hey teacher, leave them kids alone

I heard an interesting theory today about the recent spate of scandals in which female teachers have been arrested and charged with boffing their underage male students. It's often noted that many of the women aren't too bad looking, and the question is raised: what the hell were they thinking?

Well, the theory is that these were women who enjoyed constant male attention in high school and college, they were flirted with, pursued, hit on constantly. But then they get out in the real world. They settle down, maybe get married, are off the market, and, as they approach 30, their looks are beginning to slip just a little. All of a sudden, they're no longer the hot little chippie. At the job, though, teaching a classroom full of 14-year-olds with raging hormones, it's a different story and, boom, they are the hot catch again. And they like the attention.

Who knows? It's as good a theory as any, I guess, because, let's face it, they're not exactly finding tons of worldly charm and sophistication in an 8th grade boy.

Update: Someone asked what boffing means. Come on, it's like boinking. Everyone knows that.

I blame George Bush

Restaurant Week, one of the great NY traditions, where you could get a decent meal at a good restaurant for a special low price, is no longer such a bargain. This year, lunch at participating eateries will cost $24.07. Prices during the yearly promotion used to match the year ($19.99 in 1999, $20.01 in 2001, etc.) Not any more.

Good for Alexis!

Since her appearances on “The Apprentice,” I had always pegged Alexis Stewart, Martha's daughter, as a bit of a dick (I would have used the “c” word but it’s soooo naughty, and anyway, I save it for real cunts like Ann Coulter or Victoria Toensing).

She usually seemed to have a smug, bored-with-it-all attitude, and her little lectures to the contestants were hilarious when you understand that she was only on that side of the interview table because she won the lucky gene lottery.

But, I have to say, she’s on the side of the angels on the carriage horse issue.

Because this has always been one of my pet peeves about NYC. These poor horses are forced to pull some overweight goober from Iowa around Central Park so he can show his housefrau of a mate how romantic he is. Clomping on cement, breathing in car and bus fumes, freezing cold in the winter, and, probably even worse, enduring one of New York’s 90+ degree, 100 percent humidity summer days. Not a pleasant life.

A few weeks ago, Spotty, one of the horses, was being brought back to his stables on the west side (they don’t stay in the park) and was spooked by traffic, bolted, and ran into a cab. The horse was so severely injured it had to be destroyed.

"Horse-drawn carriages aren't just cruel to the horses who are forced to work long hours in extreme weather conditions while walking on hard pavement and inhaling exhaust fumes all day long," Stewart wrote to Mayor Bloomberg on behalf of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. "They are equally dangerous to riders, drivers, pedestrians and motorists."

Unfortunately, our billionaire Republican mayor says the carriages won’t be banned. Fucker.

New England Clam Chowder mmm mm good

I had lunch today at the Oyster Bar on 7th Avenue in midtown. I'd never been there before, but was in the neighborhoood, and it was pouring rain, so I just didn't feel like walking too far. The food was ok, but I felt sort of bad for the tourists there, who I think believed they were at the famous Oyster Bar in Grand Central. This tiny place could fit in one of its booths.

Hat trick

Condi and Laura. Does anything scream fashion victim like Republican women?

Beck: He's a loser, baby

Well, the race to the bottom continues on cable news. CNN's Headline News announced it is hiring radio hatemonger Glenn Beck to host a primetime show beginning in April.

The Headline News announcement proudly proclaims the hour long program "will be an unconventional look at the news of the day featuring Beck’s unique and often amusing perspective."

Oh yes. He's a very amusing guy. Here are just some of the bon mots that have slipped past his lips, as recorded by the great Media Matters site:


On families of the victims of the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks: "[T]his is horrible to say, and I wonder if I'm alone in this -- you know, it took me about a year to start hating the 9-11 victims' families? Took me about a year."

On Hurricane Katrina survivors who remained in New Orleans: "And that's all we're hearing about, are the people in New Orleans. Those are the only ones that we're seeing on television are the scumbags..."

On filmmaker Michael Moore: "Hang on, let me just tell you what I'm thinking. I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I'm wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out -- is this wrong?"

On the father of Nick Berg, American civilian executed in Iraq: "I'm sorry, I don't buy it. I think he is grieving, but I think he's a scumbag as well. I don't like this guy at all."

Hmm, let's see, by my count, he called Katrina victims and the father of a man horrifically beheaded by Islamic terrorists "scumbags," said he "hated" family members of 9-11 victims, and fantasized about killing a film maker whose views he disagrees with.

Yes, that's what you call amusing!

The only show that gets any kind of ratings on Headline News is Nancy Grace's legal hour, so I suppose they're trying to get some sort of buzz going, to try to compete with Fox's rightwing schtick. But, jeez, haven't these cable people learned anything from the trainwreck that was Michael Savage, the snarling MSNBC host hired to desperately try to get some conservative cred. That lasted about 4 months, until he told a gay caller he hoped he would get AIDS and die.

Let's see how long the oh-so-delightful Mr. Beck lasts. Ted Turner must be bursting with pride.

Press 7 to delete

You know your handy cell phone with the anytime minutes and the unlimited long distance and the cute ring tones? Ehh, not so secure.

"For $110, Locatecell.com will provide you with the outgoing calls from a cell phone for the last billing cycle, up to 100 calls. All you need to supply is the name, address and the number for the phone you want to trace. Order online, and get results within hours.

Carlos F. Anderson, a licensed private investigator in Florida, offers a similar service for $165, for all major telephone carriers.

"This report provides all the calls with dates, times, and duration on the billing statement," according to Anderson's Web site, which adds, "Incoming Calls and Call Location are provided if available."


Isn't that lovely. Not only is the Bush administration listening in on us, now any schmuck can find out who you're calling on your cell.

I'm just praying they can't get hold of my text messages. Have you ever drunk-texted? Not pretty.

Sideways, upside down, kitty korner

I have to admit, I've never really thought of Portland, Ore., as a vacation destination, but this actually seems like it might be sort of fun for a long weekend getaway of grazing and imbibing.

Is the entire family retarded?

The following asinine statment from Laura Bush, made during her current travels in Africa, was noted approvingly today by Kathryn Jean Lopez, the rightwing dimbulb who edits National Review's Corner:

"In a country or a part of the world where one in three people have a sexually transmitted deadly disease, you have to talk about abstinence, you really have to," Mrs. Bush said. "In many countries where girls feel obligated to comply with the wishes of men, girls need to know that abstinence is a choice."

Jeezus. Is every member of the Bush family simply a freakin' idiot? Let's look at that sentence again: "In many countries where girls feel obligated to comply with the wishes of men" (pause for gasp of disbelief) "girls need to know that abstinence is a choice."

What part of obligated to follow the wishes of the men doesn't she understand? How does a scared, powerless 14-year-old girl in a Muslim patriarchal society have a choice about anything? These are countries where rape victims are put to death for "dishonoring " their families. But according to the dutiful wife, nah, they actually have a choice. Yeah, they have about as much choice as Jenna and Barbara do in avoiding alcoholism, giving the pickled gene pool from where they were spawned. Pathetic.

Don't let the door hit ya....

Aww, seems like things are not looking too good for House GOP leader Tom "Paulie Walnuts" DeLay in his district, these days.

According to the Houston Chronicle: "Only half of those who cast ballots for DeLay in 2004 said they will do so again. And while a fourth of the 2004 DeLay voters still aren't sure whom they will vote for this year, almost 20 percent have defected to other candidates."

Shame. He seems like such a nice fellow, too.

(DeLay's mug shot morphed with that of the hardest working man in show biz, James Brown, as envisioned by Gilliam).

Treo update UPDATE

Ok, now I'm definitely having second thoughts on getting the Treo 700. Been getting a lot of helpful comments and mails that it might not be worth it, and apparently it DOES have a worse screen resolution than the 650. (Why would they make a newer model with a worse res?) A few people have recommended the xv6700 at the left there. I'm not sure who the manufacturer is. It has one of those flip-out keyboards, pretty cool features and looks not bad, so I'm going to stop by the Verizon store this week and check it out.

Ann Coulter's dick gets a shout out

Kate O'Beirne, right-wing commentator and former regular on CNN's Capital Gang, has a new book out that is causing much amusement. This latest screed from the poison pens of the right is charmingly titled, "Women Who Make the World Worse: and How Their Radical Feminist Assault Is Ruining Our Schools, Families, Military, and Sports" and, as usual, is filled with attacks on Hillary Clinton and the rest of the right's bogeymen(women).

One of O'Beirne's more amusing statements -- and I kid you not -- is this gem: "I have long thought that if high-school boys had invited homely girls to the prom we might have been spared the feminist movement."

That's Kate up on the right there. Commenting on homely girls. Let's just say I wouldn't fuck her with Ann Coulter's dick.

How do you work that channel blocking thing again?

Tonight on Showtime:

7:00 pm Son-in-Law. Pauly Shore
8:35 pm Pauly Shore is Dead. Pauly Shore.

They should be paying ME ten bucks a month for that.

Now if they can only explain why you never see baby pigeons

I remember reading a few years ago that the world's frog population is dwindling, and no one really knew why. Now they do. Scientists are reporting in the journal Nature that global warming is causing climate changes leading to fungus outbreaks lethal to frogs, salamanders and their kin.

"The frogs are sending an alarm call to all concerned about the future of biodiversity and the need to protect the greatest of all open-access resources - the atmosphere," write the scientists, Andy Dobson, a Princeton University ecologist, and Andrew R. Blaustein, a zoologist at Oregon State University, according to The Times.

For years the GOP and their business allies have been poo-pooing global warming, calling it an unproven theory. No matter what studies are done, it goes into the trash pile. (But Intelligent Design, that they have no problem with, of course.) They really are the live-for-the-moment party. Huge national debt? Ehh, forget about it, we'll let the next generation or two pay for it. Global warming? Don't worry, we'll be dead by the time New York is under 20 feet of melted polar ice cap. Whatever happened to the conservative party actually being concerned about conserving?

The pigeon reference in the headline, by the way, is one of those New York mysteries. You never see baby pigeons. Come to think of it, you rarely see dead ones either. What's up with that?

They have to fill out a form?

MIAMI, Jan. 13 (AP) - Federal prosecutors on Friday released an application to join a training camp of Al Qaeda in Afghanistan that they say was filled out by Jose Padilla.

The "Mujahideen Data Form" bears the signature of Abu Abdallah al Muhajir, which the F.B.I. says is the Muslim name that Mr. Padilla adopted after he converted to Islam.

They have to fill out an application form to join Al Queda? What the hell is that like?

How long have you lived in your current cave?
Next of kin to notify in case of emergency (Because we WILL be needing it.)
Please list five car bombing references.

There's bureaucracy everwhere, I guess.

Treo update

Just wanted to thank the folks who emailed me with a LOT of comments, anecdotes and links about the Treo. (Who knew there were so many web sites analyzing cell phones or even devoted to particular brands!) Truly there are a lot of phone geeks out there - and I say that with gratitude. From what I read, I think I'm going to give the 700 a shot, but my contract with Verizon Wireless doesn't end until July, so I won't be making a final decision until then (damned if I'm going to pay them an early cancellation fee, or give up the $100 rebate they give to keep you at the end of your contract) so who knows, the 700 will probably be obsolete by then.

Update: Ok, now I'm not sure anymore. Since I said I was probably going with the 700, I've gotten emails that I'm making a huge mistake. One post in the comment section simply said "Have a good time," and, in my paranoid mind, I don't know if he was being sarcastic or genuine :sigh: Fortunately I do have a few months before I make the switch, and until then my little LG6000 will suffice.

It's not the movies that have gotten smaller, it's the celebrities

One of the fun things about living in NYC is that there are a lot of celebrities here, and they walk around the streets and pop charmingly into delis and wait in bathroom lines, unlike L.A., which has more celebrities, but they don't actually walk around or wait for anything. I have friends who can spot a star a mile away, and constantly amaze me with their sightings. But, as I was reading Gawker Stalker tonight, I realized that I rarely spot any of the multitude of celebs my fellow New Yorkers apparently ogle every day, and it's maybe not so much because I'm oblivious (although I'm sure that plays a part) but it's because I have no freakin' clue what some of these folks look like (or even WHO some of them are).

Now, on the Gawker list, I'm pretty confident I would have recognized: Jeremy Piven, Lindsey Lohan, Nicole Kidman, Katie Couric, Bob Woodruff, Meryl Streep, Sandra Bernhard, Mike Myers, Jane Fonda, John Lithgow, Tony Danza.

I KNOW I would not have recognized: Kevin Connolly, Elijah Wood, Ben Gibbard, Moby, Anna Paquin, Ron Rifkin, Michael Kors, Malcolm Gladwell, Sally Singer, Betsey Johnson, Ruth Reichl, BD Wong, Andrew Shue, Ice-T, Gavin Degraw.

And the few leftovers fall into the "maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't" category: Kate Moss, Victor Garber, and "Wayne," the brother from "The Wonder Years." (Even the Gawker Stalker didn't know his name).

Is it just me, but why does anyone know what Ben Gibbard looks like?

And ok, maybe Kate would ring a bell if she was doing this at the time:

Hey, there's a clown in this picture...

...and there's a big mural behind him too.

Now here's a radical thought

In an effort to show they are serious about lobbying abuses, the House is moving to "cut lobbyists' influence." Here's an idea, kids. How about not taking the freakin' bribes to begin with. How about not accepting the vacations to Scottish golf courses or the $200 meals or the flights on corporate jets. How about actually not allowing the lobbyists who shower you with gifts into the room when the legislation affecting their taxes or environmental rules are being written. This is "stop me before I steal again" at its worst. And it makes it seem like the problem lies all with the sleazy lobbyists instead of with the sleazy (overwhelmingly Republican) politicans with their sweaty paws outstretched.

Maybe Rudy will let him borrow one of his dresses

"In an unusual ceremony that saw former city Councilwoman Margarita Lopez dub him "an honorary lesbian," Mayor Michael Bloomberg yesterday marked the transfer of six city-owned lower Manhattan buildings to a group of cultural and artistic organizations."
-Newsday

Misty water colored memories

So let me see if I get this straight: Sam Alito went to Princeton, actually joined Concerned Alumni of Princeton, but somehow knows less about the group than me? Well, that's certainly the type of razor sharp mind we want on the Supreme Court. Oh wait, that's right. He's lying. Never mind.

And now the CBS Babealicious News

Say what you will about the French, but their newscasters - at least this one - blow ours away. If CBS is still not sure what to do about replacing Rather, I say they put Melissa Theuriau behind the desk and watch the ratings skyrocket.



Update: Someone just noted that besides being easy on the eyes, she gets extra bonus points for being French, which would annoy the hell out of the "freedom fry" brigade.

Does Rockefeller still own the damn thing?

And since we were talking about huge faceless greedy corporations (Verizon), I had an amazing little encounter today with Chase Manhattan, or whatever the hell they call themselves these days. I use their online service to pay all my bills, credit cards, utilities, etc. I love it, incredibly convenient, I haven't had to write or mail a check in about 3 years. But today I got a letter from customer "service," saying I had went over the number of transfers allowed per month from my savings to checking account. Apparently it is a federal law that you can't make more than 6 transfers each month via online, and I had made 7. And they hit me with a $12 service fee for exceeding the limit. (How do they come up with these fees, by the way? $12?) Well, needless to say, this would not stand. Although God knows, Chase needs that $12 more than me. So I called 935-9935 and asked WTF?? The rep, who was actually very nice, said she wasn't quite sure why this rule is in effect, claimed it was a federal law and out of their hands, but as a one-time courtesy could remove the 12 bucks charge from my account. She said I could make as many transfers as I want each month at ATMs or with tellers, but no more than 6 with the online service. Of course, the damn banks have been encouraging us to use their online services for years, to avoid tellers - this so they can lay off more tellers natch. Fuckers.

Treo 650 vs 700?

My contract with the lovely folks at Verizon Wireless is up soon which means I'm eligible for the $100 refund if I renew with them. I'm eyeing the Treo smart phones. There are two offered by VZW, the 650 and the new 700. Any phone geeks out there with advice on whether it's worth spending the extra bucks for the 700?

I'll take lap dances for $250, Alex

Wall Street bonuses hit a record $21.5 billion, averaging $125,000 each. But many low income workers seeking the Earned Income Tax Credit due them had their tax returns frozen by the IRS, even though there was no indication of fraud. They had a median yearly income of $11,956, which those Wall Street guys spend on a good night at Scores. Which group is more likely to get audited? Come on, it's Bush's America. You know the answer.

Stand clear of the closing door...

Is Tom Coburn the wackiest little Senator? Listening to him on the abortion stuff during the hearings today, I kept thinking: "Ok, don't make eye contact. He'll go away soon. We're almost at 59th Street." Just like I do when one of those abrasive homeless guys get on the 6 train and start haranguing everyone, and all of a sudden you start paying a LOT of attention to the Doctor Zizmor ads.

Update: someone emailed to ask who Dr. Zizmor is. I forgot if you're not from the city and ride the subway, the name, the man, the legend!! means nothing.

Making your way in the world today....

I had dinner tonight at what is probably my favorite restaurant in New York, York Grill. As always, I went by myself, sat at the very comfy bar and read the Daily News while stuffing my face. (The NY Post would give me heartburn, the Times is too wide and awkward). It's just one of those little relaxing, wind down, treat-myself-good moments I try to enjoy at least once each week. The food is very good and the bartenders are great on the buy-back, which is always key, but, sadly, a disappearing art these days. Anyway, I was talking to the bartender and he mentioned he had recently taken his girlfriend to a nice Italian restaurant on E. 85th Street, said he loves it, goes there just about every week, and laughingly added, "It's like my York Grill," Not to get all Cheers, but I guess we do all have a place where we feel comfortable and people sorta know your name.

Sloppy Seconds

Can someone on my side just ask Sam Alito during the hearings how he feels about being the very public second choice for this Supreme Court vacancy? I know the senators all want to show how eriudite they are, to have some constitutional stumper that's going to have him doing a Ralph Kramden hummana hummana on live TV, but I'd really love to hear Schumer ask: "So, Judge, as we all know, President Bush originally wanted Harriet Miers for this opening on the court. She got shot down by the righwingers who thought she just wasn't a safe enough vote for their side. Let's be honest here, we all know you are a safe choice for them. I just wonder how you feel about being sloppy seconds?"

Urp

Home from dinner and shouldn't have went out after being jet lagged today because now I'm pleasantly buzzed -- but not from Jack Daniels, as the subtitle of this damn bloggy thing would have you believe -- but from single malt Scotch . Mmm - peaty and smokey. More on that later. But Dick Cheney's foot or heart, not quite sure, is all swollen up from the foul lifestyle he lives. Can you even imagine the nastiness that goes on in that man's daily excuse for a life? I swear, there's a chance Ariel Sharon is going to live longer than this vice-putz of ours.

Hammer Time

It's probably not a good idea to start a blog the day before you have to go on the road and be unable to post anything for a few days, typical half-assed planning on my part. Oh well. On the bright side, back in town and what news greets me - Delay is bowing to the inevitable and not trying to regain his leadership post. I'm almost hoping though, that he wins his re-election bid in November to represent the mighty Sugarland (cough, pussy name, cough) district, because when he finally gets convicted - of somthing!! it will be more pleasurable to see him removed from the House, not to mention the further tarnishing the GOP will take from the sleazeball. And let's be honest here, the reason his Republican colleagues have turned against him is not because he's sleazy. It's because he got caught. Truly, there is no honor among thieves.

I thought we were cool-de-la

Yes, yes, you're right, as always, and it's Larry David, and "Curb Your Enthusiasm" is the show. I told a few of my anal friends I was blogging and from the title, they figured it out, such geniuses. It was, I think, the second or third season, and Larry is partner in a new restaurant, and, while searching for a chef, samples a meal that looks like a pretty nice dish, but gives it thumbs down by saying: "A little too saucy."

It's a little too saucy (name the show from whence the quote)

First post. Is this like Superman Comics #1? A collector's item? Well sure, along with the other 6.3 bazillion blogs created today.

Anyway, just up front, so you know what you're getting into, in case you're accidently here on a wacky Superman comics Google (there is some fun comic book stuff coming up in a little bit though!) this is about politics (lib), living in NYC, and pop culture stuff. I dislike rightwingers. I think they are often, not always, but often, evil (EVIL!) And I dislike the media bashing from the rightwingers who claim to see all sorts of liberal bias. So let me start off the blog by excerpting from a post I made earlier today on Jeff Jarvis' site (can you plagiarize your own writing?) I find Jarvis annoying as hell sometimes, but I will give the guy this: I've posted on his comments section a few times, and bashed him -- usually in a quite juvenile fashion -- and the bastard has never banned me from his blog, so give a big Ali G up to JJ for that. Having said that, I do get annoyed at his constant belittling of the "mainsteam media" and I don't put a lot of faith in his "citizen's media" baloney. To wit: "...you’re right about pushing for higher standards in both worlds, the MSM and JJ’s beloved “citizen’s media.” The sad thing is, at one point the MSM (sigh: I guess we’ve been browbeaten into using it) did hold itself to higher standards. Does anyone remember during the Reagan assasination attempt when errors got broadcast about injuries, who was shot, etc. and Frank Reynolds of ABC was anchoring and literally snapped at his producers while he was on air: “Get it right, people.” Now, with the 24-hour cable news gasbags, just about anything gets on the air as soon as they can open a mic (as we painfully saw in the (West Virgina) mine incident."

I guess what I was trying to say in my rambling way is I have no hope for JJ’s “citizen’s media” to ever be holding themselves to such a standard; if they are on the scene they will blog, wifi, camphone out, whatever the hell they see, without bothering to do rudimentary Journalism 101 checking of the “facts.” I just expect the MSM to actually do their job, because we’re rarely going to get it from the Jeff Jarvis or Glenn Reynolds section of the world. The much maligned, blogosphere-hated NY Times, in fact, was properly cautious in their go-to-bed story on the WVa. mine tragedy and attributed the reports of the 12 miners being saved to “...Families Say.” I doubt we would ever see that in citizen’s media, because we sure as hell didn’t see it on Fox, MSNBC, or any other of the rightwing’s loved new media sites."

So, there ya go, long story short on this blog: I don't believe the MSM is about to be overtaken in value by "citizen's" media anytime in the next century, because while the MSM is certainly filled with dicks like Russert and Matthews, and even O'Reilly and Geraldo (truly dicks among dicks), it is still leagues above the "citizen's" media in conveying the facts you need to be an informed citizen.

And now, since I made a comic book reference at the top, check out one of my favorite sites. You can spend hours laughing at the stuff on Superdickery (if you have the time and a freakin' sense of humor. Yes, Superman is indeed a dick!